Happy New Year!

It’s 2019 Guys! So help me with something, will ya. I’m trying to wrap my head around this whole “New Year, New You” thing. I mean it’s been around for more than a decade but what I don’t get is why change and not improve?

I don’t want to be a new me, shit it’s hard enough being the old me. Also, I kind of like being the old me. Could I be better, hell yeah but I don’t want to be new. I want to my Spanish to get better, I want to finish school, I want to get another couple of books published.¬† I want to stop procrastinating so damn much. All in all, I like who I am.

Don’t you? Is there anything about you that makes you want to trash the old person and start all over fresh? That’s what you do when you get something new. Your car’s not acting right, won’t start, windows don’t roll up, air conditioning doesn’t work, basically it’ll be cheaper to just get a new one.

Well my tires are flat, it takes a minute to get me warmed up and it takes a little while to get me started, got a lot of miles on me but I run pretty good.

Ya’ll can get a New You but I think I’ll keep the old model ūüôā

Love and Later Days,

-K

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Happy Holidays!

Not going to lie, this holiday season is going to be a tough one. My mom died January 8th of this year and my sister just passed away almost 10 months to the day, October 5th of this year. I know I’m blessed but having some issues dealing with being the last surviving member of my family. I know I have my Bae and the kids but that’s not what I mean, those of you in my situation… someone who both parents are gone and they’re either an only child or all of their siblings predeceased them know what I’m talking about, it feels odd, even if you have a family of your own. Those are the only people on this earth who have known you since you were born.

To combat my thoughts, which literally never stop, I have been working on my book (I want to get the completed version published before the new year) and I have showed a little love to my virtual T-shirt store.¬† I haven’t been there in so long or created any shirts there in so long, it had virtual cobwebs. You want to check it out? Here’s the link, Diamond Daughters.

Please, please don’t take your family for granted this holiday season, screw the gifts the time is way more important. I would give anything to spend one more Christmas, Thanksgiving, News Years or Birthday with my Parents or my Sister. I miss them like crazy. Love your Friends, Family and most important Yourself this holiday Season and I will see you in 2019!

Love and Later Days!

-K

I did it!

I published my first book! Yay… Okay here’s the sich (does anyone say that anymore?). I have been editing Raleigh’s book and I really am so proud of the book he’s choosing to publish first. It’s about Domestic Violence, not speaking to the victim or survivor of DV but to the community around that person. He speaks to the responsibilities of others when it comes to DV. Recognizing the signs, how to approach the subject with the victim and how it impacts everyone in the lives of the victim as well as the lasting effects on the survivor. Again, so proud.

While editing his book, I was inspired to do a blog about long term relationships to take a break from editing, (let’s face it DV is a heavy subject to stay immersed in all day long).¬† The post became too long for a blog, too short for a book. I just reread what I wrote and expanded on the ideas I’d started. After I finished it, I decided to just go ahead a blow caution to the wind and publish it. I have a couple of books that I never published, some that haven’t even completed (one I have been writing for 22 years), all because I’m scared of how it would be received but with this one I just was like, screw it.¬† After I finished, I was so friggin elated, I can’t even tell you. It’s an ebook on Amazon but still, I can’t wait for the reception. I know I’ll get a bunch of crappy reviews along with some good ones, I mean shit, I get a crap ton here… I just don’t publish them because I don’t allow negative in this space because this has been my therapy for over ten years.

Just wanted to share my elation with you.

Love and Later Days,

-K

How I spent today…

You want to know the best thing about blogging? You can go back and relive your life, if you’re honest. The raw emotion. The things you did, the way you thought, why you thought the way you did… you actually have a time machine.¬† I did that tonight, I put on my big girl panties and crawled into that time machine.

It held sadness, glee, death, growth, birth, insight and something else, what I don’t know, not yet at least. Some I read to Raleigh, some I kept to myself. He has access, he can read when he wants but it feels funny talking or reading to him about the Xfiles.

I haven’t spoken to you guys in so long, I hope you’re still listening. I miss you, I love you and appreciate you listening¬† to me way before I had Raleigh. I did a lot of bitching in those old post but I connected with a lot of you on our realness. So now, I’m back, for good and I want to talk… are you ready to listen?

Love and Later days,

-K

 

 

A Woman’s Words…

Let’s see since the last time I wrote in, I moved to Durham, NC… started a job, quit a job, my Mom passed away and then 10 months later, so did my only sister. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. I’m still dealing, still moving forward but I learned a lot.

I learned to appreciate what I have and about my own mortality. I found a friend I have been looking for since 2000, when we lost touch.

I learned what family really means… we’re blessed with two families in this life, if we’re lucky.¬† The family we’re born to… Dad, Mom, Sisters, Brothers, Cousins, Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunts, and Uncles. Then there’s the family you have chosen, your Husband, kids, friends. I have chosen not to let family get away with more than I would a stranger, for my mental health and my chosen family’s happiness. I’ve distanced my chosen from my born.

I thought about it, prayed over it, anguished over it. It took a while to wrap my head around it. The same thing happened when I decided to move from Philadelphia, my beloved home town, to Myrtle Beach and then again to Durham.

In this awakening, as I like to call it, I noticed after I finally made these decisions I was at peace. I had quiet.¬† Even on bad days, I’m happy. Raleigh has been a trooper through all of this, supporting me, encouraging me, standing with me but never forcing me to make a choice just supporting me when I do.

Career wise I still haven’t found my purpose, my joy, my bliss… not the one as far as family and lifestyle, I’m good there but I want to find out what makes the Fun Philly who went Shagging in SC and who’s now grabbing the bull by the horns.¬† I’ve gotten together with Raleigh to start a Blog, We’re calling it He Said, She Said… it will be here on WordPress.com after we get it going, we’re going to start Podcast so those of you who have been following me since the beginning, when I didn’t know what this page would be… will finally get to see what I look like, yay you! I will keep this blog running as a sort of behind the scenes blog I’ll post her when not posting on¬†He Said, She Said.¬† The format for that post will be he and I will post on opposite days and then post together on Tuesdays.¬† So for now…

Love and Later Days!

-K

It’s almost time…

So we got past the hotel situation, sort of. We move on the 6th to Durham. I go back to work on the 7th. First time I will be working away from home in years. Sad to be leaving the baby but happy to no longer be living from check to check. Raleigh and I were both hired by the same company. I have never worked with a s/o before, this will be interesting. We’re still looking for a house but it’s cool, it will be easier to look for something with us actually living in NC. I have the weekends off for the next two months, I’ll use the weekends to search. Raleigh doesn’t start until the 21st so he will be looking for a daycare for our youngest. Hoping to find something by the first week of August so we can enroll my youngest daughter in High School.

I just keep moving forward. Excited about the move. Glad to be leaving this situation.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Tired of this stress…

It’s in my head, my back, my shoulders, my neck. I hate that we’re always in a hopping from one foot to the next situation. The only stress I have these days is money, not enough of it, enough not coming soon enough. I think about how much we make and how much our bills are and we have enough but one little surprise and we’re stuck. Right now I have a car outside I can’t drive because I didn’t get paid soon enough.

We have a house we can move into but have to wait to get paid to pay the deposit, so we pay a hotel (which will eat into the deposit) until we can get our deposit together. Every time we’re out of one financial bind, a new one shows up. When financial problems occur, I find myself thinking of the pizza I ordered because I’m too tired to cook and think how that money could have went toward, blah, blah, blah… then I beat myself up because I spent $30 on something frivolous. I remember how frivolous spending years ago was going out and spending $300 on a night with the girls and I cringe. That was before my parents became ill and I had to take care of both of them Physically and Financially,

I cry sometimes, I pray all the time and just remember “this to shall pass…”. But when, when does this pass. When do I stop stressing, worrying. ¬†When does this pain in my neck, head, back and shoulders go away. ¬†I get some relief sometimes, when all the bills are paid but that only lasts for about a week or two and then more of those fuckers show up. I’ve isolated me and my family because I know there are folks that were smiling in my face and waiting for my downfall. It’s sad so many folks feel that the only way for them to shine is by diminishing or extinguishing your light. ¬†Then there are the folks who will push you over a cliff so they can pull you back, just to declare to anyone listening how they saved you.

I woke up this morning hurting all over because I knew what I needed to do and I know that it is almost impossible to get it done today. That it has to be today or we may lose everything. There’s a tightening in my chest, around my neck, I know it’s all stress because I may not be able to get it done today. I need about $500. That would make a huge difference today. But where do I get it? Lottery Ticket? Go Fund Me? Doing a Survey online? Maybe my Wheel Watcher number will come up on Wheel of fortune tonight. I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than any of those things happening. Maybe I could slide in the DMs of one of the celebrities I follow on Facebook or Twitter and ask them for it. You see how they’re always helping random fans, so they’ll give it to me right?

I’m sad and tired and stressed and worried and angry as hell…

Love and Later Days,

-K

So Diamond Daughters Tshirts…

Diamond Daughters Tshirts are here.. my first signature line, Moody Tees, is available! Get your butts over there and buy my shirts, Most Tshirts are priced at $20.

All Tees are created by me or Raleigh. You can also check us out on FB! Follow the link to my shop: Diamond Daughters Tshirts

or Go to our FB page! Diamond Daughters Facebook Page

Share my page or repost! Thanks for your Love and Support!

 

Love and Later Days,

-K

 

Looking forward to…

I couldn’t wait to move to Myrtle Beach with my family. I love it here, I do, I just can’t afford to live here anymore. The cost of living down here is low but the jobs I’m qualified for are limited or pay next to nothing. What do you expect when you have an Administrative and IT background and you live in a community that thrives off of seasonal employment. (Most) Apartment complexes around here requires you to earn 3xs the rent. Most jobs around here pays about 2xs your rent. ¬†The ones you qualify for, based on that formula, aren’t in safe neighborhoods.

Now that we’re moving to Raleigh or Durham in the next few weeks, I’m sad to leave the sand but not the situation. I’m tired of never having enough money, paying late fees waiting on the next paycheck to come through. I want to get to the day I get to turn around and relive my struggle and smile. I’m tired of living in the struggle. We have the tshirt eCommerce business up and running but not a single sale. If we could get some sales there that added income would help tremendously. Lord I’m tired, living in a hotel, barely making ends meet. Calling different bill collectors to ask for extensions on everything. I’m just tired. Now the girl that has been giving us an amazing discount on our room has been fired, so I expect the rate to go up. I’m exhausted and would love to rest on the notion that the bills are paid on time and everyone’s ok.

Keep me in your thoughts.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Pending Move to the NC…

There’s a lot¬†¬†happening right now with me and my family. Raleigh told my (soon to be) step-kiddies about the pending move. I think it bothered him a little that they weren’t excited about it like he anticipated. To be honest, the kids are sort of like that… they have to “warm up” to a situation. Like when we visit or when they come visit for a while, they’re never excited but after a couple of hours they relax and the fun ensues. Whether it’s dance offs or playing “Heads up” (an app game like charades). Luckily, we don’t have one of the problems that most blended families have, the kids not liking each other, our kids get along great.

Idk if I mentioned it before, our youngest daughters are the same age and they have the same birthday. His son acts like a older brother to the girls, so he’s protective and bossy when it comes to both girls. They also drive him insane and they all enjoy playing with and watching out for their youngest brother (me and Raleigh’s toddler together). This makes everything easier when we’re all together.

The thing that has been making me anxious is, here in Myrtle Beach we don’t really have any family here, it’s just us. My friends and all my family, except one Aunt and Uncle, are in Philadelphia. I mean I know folks down here but not really “friends”. When Raleigh and I go out with others it’s either an at “work thing” or family who have come to town to visit.

When we move to NC, he will be around family and friends and I won’t have anyone there. I’m worried about him gravitating closer to them and away from me. The other thing is, Raleigh is like my youngest son. ¬†My youngest is 14 years younger than our two younger daughters. Raleigh is about 15 years younger than his oldest sister, she was an adult by the time he came along. His brother is between 11 and 13 years older than him. They’re like parents more so than siblings. I don’t really have a great history with “in-laws” and I worry about them coming over a lot. I like to have company and to entertain but with me having a toddler, if you pop up at my house, you could pop up on anything. I mean toys all over the house, food in my hair. He could be in dirty clothes or playing in the toilet (especially now with him being able to break out of his playpen). ¬†I don’t want someone to coming over “judging” what’s going on at my house. ¬†I’m worried about the first disagreement I have with one of his sisters because of how it may effect us. ¬†I know a lot of this stuff is unwarranted stress and just me being in my head too much but this is the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in, Raleigh’s truly my best friend. We can talk about everything, stuff that could have broken other couples, makes us stronger and hold on tighter to each other. ¬†We’re each other’s built in Cheerleaders. ¬†It’s been almost 4 years and I swear, I’m still happy to see him and he grins like crazy when I pick him up from work, just like he used to be when I would pick him up from the bus station when we first started dating and he was 200 miles away and I don’t want anyone or anything to mess up my relationship.

I’m praying my fears and anxiety is all in in my head and won’t be an issue. ¬†Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Love and Later Days,

-K