Monthly Archives: March 2011

I said I wasn’t going to do it but DAMN IT, U are getting on my last nerve…

As with all ppl I blog about who are in my RL, I am going keep this person anonymous, not because I do not want to embarrass him, not because I know him personally but because he is an asshole and a blogger here on WORDPRESS and I don’t want this idiot getting any traffic because of my damn blog.

My other blog Kayiswrite.wordpress.com, is a strictly anonymous (for the writers), pseudo-advice column. I basically do there what I do here, but ppl are actually ASKING for my advice, where here I kind of just crash into my other fellow (lady) bloggers lives and give unsolicited advice (damn when did I turn into my mother?). There is this nut job, we will call BOB the Builder, for many reasons: 1)On the children’s television show BTB, his slogan is “Can we fix it”, his response, “Yes we Can”… wait an, Ah ha moment – BTB was President Obama’s slogan writer…(kidding, no nasty emails – not in the mood today).

Anywho, this little fucker runs around town (BTB – the cartoon) fixing up this whole town without getting any damn permission from the ppl in his town. Another reason I will call this nimrod BTB is because well I call my vibrator B.O.B – Battery Operated Boyfriend and I wish this asshole worked like my B.O.B. My B.O.B LOVES me (so I will take it to believe he loves ALL women), never argues with me and hums quietly in the background while I handle things I wish this guy would shut the fuck up and just hum.

Lastly, he is BTB because… well, he’s a tool.

Onward and upward… BTB, the asshole stalking me not the cartoon, waits patiently for me to give advice and then swoops in to give his own Neanderthal, shovenistic, misogynistic views on my page (hell yeah broke out my college degrees for adjectives to describe this nut ball). He disagrees with everything I say and tries to switch the subject to sex, not just any sex but pervy, nasty, grandpa sex.


Yup, like that video, just not as funny. To be fair, IFUSEEKAMY.wordpress.com, did warn me and thousands of others by posting about his pervy ass but I had no idea! (http://advinbabysittingmen.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/i-stand-corrected-in-thinking-that-my-ex-was-the-biggest-db-on-earth/)… he wants to argue with you all day long about stupid shit. smh. I don’t give shout outs to dumbasses, so I’m not going to give BTB’s name, especially since I figured his punk ass out. He does it to steal the readers from other ppls pages by undercutting the author’s of other pages. So be warned fellow (lady) bloggers:
Sexy Grandpa may be circling your page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later Days,

-K

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Things my Mother should have told me before I became a woman…

My mom was a fantastic mother but there were things she didn’t tell me that I would have liked to have learned before I grew up.  Here are a few…

Although I have taught  you to be mature, it doesn’t mean everyone was taught to be…

You are going to make a lot of mistakes and bad decisions but that doesn’t make you a bad person…

Compassion is not a bad thing, but show too much too soon and ppl may take advantage of you…

You have to always be three ppl, the person you are to the world, the person you are to your family and yourself.  The most important of three but the least likely to be excepted is the latter…

You won’t begin to discover who you are until at least 30…

You probably won’t have great sex until 25 because from your first day until then all guys will probably only know one speed, fast.  Sleeping with a guy up until that point will be like fumbling around in the dark looking for a light switch in someone else house…

You will know the words to all songs about heart-break from the time you started dating until you find the one…

The one isn’t perfect, don’t try to make him perfect because you won’t love a flawless man because you’re not…

Accept ppl for who they tell you they are…

Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear, only what you feel…

There is no such thing as perfect and Best, they are only illusions created to make sure you do the best YOU can, but second ain’t half bad…

Every Adult isn’t Grown, some are just old…

Temper tantrums don’t always stop at terrible twos, some ppl have terrible 20s, 30s, 50s and even 80s…

Love is a verb not a noun, it’s something you do, not say…

You can feel love everyday of your life, as long as you love yourself…

You can’t receive anything with a closed mind, hand or heart…

Size does matter…  (Yeah, I said it)

His feet can be Huge and other things, not so much…

His feet can be small and other things be SOOOO much…

You can’t make anyone do anything…

Sometimes you won’t like your children…

We all mess up our kids a little…

Don’t pull his finger…

The rest of an “Eye for an eye…” (vengeance is mine saith the Lord)…

You can’t sleep when you’re Angry…

Let go of hurt, anger and sadness, the person making you feel that way, isn’t thinking about you or losing sleep over what they did.  You shouldn’t either…

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason…

Never drink to forget…

There is no hair of the dog that bit you, only his teeth…

You showed them you were smarter when you walked away…

You don’t have to always fight for what you want… that’s why I have boobs  🙂

I have made a mistake…

I promised myself, I would never be here again.  I would never make this mistake again.  I would never put myself in this position again.  But alas, older turned out not to be wiser.  Now I have to deal with the fall out.  I should know better, now I know, Idk anything.  It’s like they say, be careful what you pray for God may be listening.  He heard me, now… I know what I’m going to do, the question is am I doing the right thing?

Later Days,

-K

 

Is it because I don’t work in a REAL office???

Check me out I went from not posting for a while to posting like crazy in less than a day, Thank you, thank you, thank you Verizon for giving me back my internet.  Although, I am still very angry about you not jumping down Direct TVs throat for messing up my cable service, which means I have had to (gasp) entertain my own family and show my mother for the ten hundredth time how to load the Blu Ray, sigh.

On to the topic at hand.  Why is it when someone else is busy, I understand.  When someone else has a deadline to meet, I understand.  When someone else’s crumb snatcher is sick, I understand.  When someone else is tired, I UNDERSTAND!  But when it’s me, when I’m meeting deadlines, going to parent teacher meetings, Doctor’s appointments, busy or have to reschedule because of work… no one fucking understands?  It’s not because I’m too nice (All who have been following this blog know I am anything but nice. Is it because my bed doubles as my desk?  My bedroom doubles as my office because my assistant is me using another voice or my 14-year-old daughter?  Come on ppl help me out.

The difference between your job and mine.  I can’t call out sick, I have no health benefits and I have no boss or subordinates to blame my mistakes on (unless you count the many voices in my head, one of them actually is my assistant).  It reminds me of when I was a homemaker and later “stay at home mom” while I was married.  A couple of years of that shit and I was haul assing it back to work.  Because I was/am home, when ppl have a day off, they think it’s okay to drop by, she’s home… she’s not busy.  It’s okay for you to ask me if I could watch your brat because he/she got sent home early for fighting.  It’s okay to knock on my door and ask me to look out for the UPS/FED EX guy because you are going out, you have shit to do and I was/am at home all day doing nothing.  WTF!  When I was a stay at home mom and homemaker (two different jobs for those of you thinking I am saying the same thing twice) I had loads of shit to do, thank you very fucking much.  I had errands to run, dinner to cook, homework to check.  Checkbooks to balance, a home to clean, Doctor’s appointments to make and keep, a husband who couldn’t find his ass if it were attached to the hand he jerked off with.  Yes, I am pist for those of you who haven’t figured it out.

I’m not bipolar, if you’re wondering, because the last post (a few moments ago) was uplifting and a little sad.  A little peek into my world.  It’s just that I just got off the phone with another person who has interrupted my work mojo today.  It’s like when I woke up this morning someone had my room bugged because I decided today I was switching out of “move” mode and into “work” mode.  My mother has called me more today for stupid shit than she has in my entire 34 years on this earth.  Every time I started reading/responding to an email she could feel a tugging in her uterus that told her to call me and ask me where the remote was or how to use the coffee maker (uh, I have a Keurig – it’s literally one touch.  You put the little Kcup in the holder and push one friggin button!)  The nurse at my youngest daughter’s school called because my daughter needed to use her inhaler and the one they had at school didn’t have a “script” on it and it is against school policy to let her use it.  After arguing with this chic for about 20 minutes about whether or not I sent one with the inhaler (I DID back in gotdamn October when she went to see her Primary), 20 minutes mind you, that my damn daughter was having difficulty breathing for, while we argued about the damn thing, she let my daughter use it because maybe it had been misplaced, so why not let her do it to begin with and call me or send the paperwork home (again) after the child is breathing properly?  I have had three visitors today, all of which knew this was a “work” day and came over with her gotdamn kids! I got a call from PERRY asking me could he see me.  I asked about his schedule for the week, he tells me he is free today and tmrw but not Thursday through Monday, as HE would be out-of-town for WORK.  I tell him, not tonight, I will be busy working all day today and most of tmrw playing catch up.  “How is tmrw at 7pm?” he says he would rather see me today but tmrw is fine.  He calls me back at 7:30pm tonight and asks me am I sure I can’t come out tonight? YES you insensitive jackass.

All of you know how I have been bitching and belly aching about moving for months now… now I’m moved, do they think these boxes will unpack themselves?  Do they think this company will make it to a “soft” or even “grand” opening on its own.  Are my seminar’s writing their own damn topics?  Do I have an AP/AR, Marketing or PR department someone failed to tell me about?  Is my Novel going to finish itself?  My advice column, is it written by monkeys?  That short story that I am about 5,000 words from finishing will it find new markets online to whore themselves out to… in case you are slow like the assholes I mentioned above, the answer is NO, no to none of the above!

Okay, my keys are smoking from me typing so much so quickly and my head is about to pop off because I am getting pist again just thinking about ALL of the inconsideration that has happened today.  It is time for a retreat, I will book me a hotel for when I come back from my cruise with my daughter (trust me it’s not a vacation by any sense of the word – I will be watching every man and her for that matter, like a hawk.  Making sure the only thing she will be kissing is the damn dauphin she plans to swim with, smh.) After I book said hotel, no one will know what hotel me and my trusty laptop (who doesn’t speak) will be sequestered for the weekend, hopefully there I will get some peace and some work down.

Frazzled and later days,

-K

 

For Evie…

I remember the worst day of my life (at least I thought it was at the time).

I was about 26 years old, maybe older and I had been out with a few friends celebrating God knows what because let’s face it, at 26 years old EVERYTHING is a reason to celebrate and you ARE always celebrating something.  I had recently broken up with a guy, that I thought would become my second husband (I had been divorced about three years at that point) and that I would love forever.  We broke up because he was an alcoholic but back then I didn’t know it as that because I come from a family of drinkers, well drunks really, who drank whenever they felt like it.  If we were to have a family crest it would be a pink elephant with bubbles coming out of his mouth holding a beer in one hand and a low ball full of whiskey in the other.  Both glasses would be full and spilling over the top with the mantra of “it’s five o’clock somewhere” inscribed on it. But I digress.

Being with him you never knew who you were getting, fun-loving Bus Boy (he was mentioned in previous blogs that has since been deleted) or angry, tantrum throwing Bus Boy.  After the latter showed his face one time too many and resulted in me sending him to the hospital (defending myself – funny that cured him of wanting to play “drunk tag” with his fist), I knew this man couldn’t be in my life any longer or could EVER be step-father to my kids (I didn’t grow up in an abusive household, I’ll damned if I submit my daughters to it).

Even though we had been through A LOT, I still “Loved” this man.  It felt like I couldn’t breathe without him, be me without him or be happy without him. 

I told him if he ever got his life together, we could try again but right now, at this stage in his life he wasn’t ready for a relationship.  At least not with me…  So that night, after not hearing from him for months, I was on cloud nine when I saw his number flash across Caller ID.  When I answered, I knew at once something was wrong by the tone of his voice.  It almost frightened me, he didn’t sound like himself.  I immediately stopped undressing and remember pressing my ear hard to the phone.  He was crying, although he had “drunk dialed” me before and cried his eyes out about wanting to get back together, this call was somehow… different.  He was babbling how sorry he was and how he wanted me to know he didn’t do it on purpose.  I kept asking him “what, what didn’t you do on purpose?” Then he said he didn’t love her.  “Love her, love who?” I didn’t even realize I had stopped breathing until my lungs began screaming for air.  That’s when he told me.  He had gotten another woman pregnant.  All at once, I started thinking about the baby I had lost because I was too stressed out with his nonsense.  He had given “our” baby to someone else, sounds crazy but that’s how I felt.  That was something I could never forgive, that was a deal breaker and he knew it.  He knew before he called that’s why he was crying because any possible chance he ever had of being with me died the moment that home pregnancy test turned from minus to positive.  I don’t remember what I said, something like “Oh, good for you… have a nice life.” and I cradled the phone.  I remember thinking it must be hot out because I am sweating so bad, when I realized I was crying.  I cried for a day or two.  I mourned my relationship for months, even though it had been over for a while and I “shouldn’t care” anymore.  As ppl found out, the nice ones asked how I took the news, the nasty ones ran up to me when they saw me to ask had I heard and watch with glee in their eyes to see if I was crushed.  I didn’t want to hear his fucking name and it felt like EVERYONE was saying it.  I was seeing his name on tv shows as a Director or it was an actor’s character’s name.  I would just smile and say yes, “he called, isn’t it great” or told a joke about how old he was, when inside (I’m not proud of it) I wished her baby to have the same fate as mine had.

Over the months that followed I felt better and I prayed to God every night to ask him to forgive me and to not take this unknown woman’s child away from her (I didn’t know back then that God wasn’t like a genie granting wishes).  I got over him a little more everyday.  Since then I have met many, many men.  Some were great, most were idiots and then one day I met TV Guy, and it felt like I had never been “In Love” before the day he walked into my life.  He turned out to be a tool too, lol.  But the point is, the pain goes away, someone else comes into your life that out shadows every other man you have every met.  It may work out and it may not, either way God has a plan.  HE knows where you are and where you are trying to get to.  People are put in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  The ones you want in your life for a “lifetime” may turn out to be the ones put in your life for a “reason” to prepare you for the lifetime folks.

Wish him well, pray his strength, forgive his weaknesses and let him go because you can not receive someone else in your life while holding onto him.

Later Days,

-K

You want Mr. Right but would you ready if he showed up today???

Here’s the thing, in preparing for my “soft opening” for this damn Matchmaking company, I have been talking to A LOT to other single folks.  Everyone from Hairstylist to CEOs.  Most recently, the Verizon Technician who came to hook up my phone and internet.*Sidebar – I promised him if I had another kid I would name it Darnell, boy or girl because he gave me back the internet, poor kid… as if having my crazy ass for a mother wasn’t bad enough.*  Anywho, in speaking to these ppl I have been asking them what they were looking for in a spouse/lover/boyfriend.  If any of you date online you will recognize the following statements because I guarantee you have read it a million times (if you even still read the profiles).  They have all said, they don’t want the following:

Drama

Jealousy

Selfishness

Game playing

I am sure if you haven’t read those words you haven’t been internet dating long, hell dating long at all.  Here’s the thing, how do you know if YOU are ready for the (wo)man of your dreams?  You say you want someone who makes lots of money?  You do realize, other than ppl that are born rich or ppl who are into illegal activity, anyone that has a lot of money had to work long and hard to get it and will have to continue to do so to stay on top in their field and to keep their jobs.  What that translates into is, possible engagements that you will have to attend.  Ones that you will be all dressed up to be ignored for most of the evening.  Probably a spouse who is home maybe a total of 30 hours a week and most of them will be spent either on the telephone, waiting for a call/fax/txt or sleeping.  A lot of dinners alone and probably (unless you have them already) no children for a while or being the primary person raising your children.  God forbid if you have the same type of job.

Let’s say you wanted to marry someone in Sports or Entertainment.  You have to be ready for men and women throwing themselves at your spouse daily.  (S)he will be traveling a lot, more without you, than with you.  Inappropriate things will be said about you and your spouse and if you have any, your children (Elin Woods – Tiger Woods’ wife).  Comedians (if your spouse is successful at what s/he does) will often make you or your family the punchline of their jokes.  Your entire life will be under a microscope and in the words of David Chappelle, “It is very easy to become famous, but you can not become un-famous, just infamous.”

It doesn’t have to be to that extreme either, it could be that you want a sensitive partner or an unselfish partner.  Are you sensitive?  Are you unselfish?

The next time you say there are no good wo/men out there or why do you keep picking the same type of guy/girl, you may need to take a look at yourself and your life.  To get love, you have to give it, be open to it AND be able to receive it.  If you are coming across the same “type” of ppl repeatedly, it may be something about you that you need to work on.  A relationship is not just about what you want and what you’re looking for, it’s about your partner as well.  You may have come across the person you are looking for several times in your life but because you had certain qualities, it may have turned him/her off.  Just food for thought.  🙂

Later Days,

-K

 

She’s Baaaaack…

Hello my Lovelies…  How are you this fine Tuesday?  Yes it’s me… yes, I am in a good mood… yes, I am actually smiling as I write this, and no I did not start taking stronger medication or get a lobotomy. Do you know what that means?  Yes honey, I have MOVED!  Allow me time to brag for a minute, just give me time roll around in the afterglow of finally having this stress removed from my life.

The hardwood floors are fabulous, the ceilings are high and glory be to GOD, my neighbors are quiet (so far).    Okay, I’m done.

Now in other news, my dating life (or lack there of).  There is nothing to tell.  I haven’t done any “shopping” online.  End of story 😦  But don’t fret.  The Spring is coming, I have lost some weight and it shows (in my personality more than anywhere  else).  I will be shopping for my cruise clothes shortly and I am always happy when shopping is on the horizon, lmao.

I am back to posting on a regular basis (posting another one in a few minutes) so stay tooned (I know I spelled “tuned” as in cartoon, that’s because I am such a character — lol).

Later Days,

-K