Monthly Archives: April 2011

Just thinking…

I was watching the Stepfather today and if you haven’t seen it I will give you a brief synopsis without giving any real details away. Man marries into different families and when they “let him down” or his fa√ßade slips, he murders the whole friggin family. This genre of horror movie came out back in the 80s, when screenwriters were trying to scare the holy hell out ppl using ordinary ppl. Movies like The Dentist, Stepfather and Lisa all were about these suburban men who were seeming perfect and then goes about slaughter all the unsuspecting women and children who love them. Stay with me, I swear I am getting to a point.

It seems this genre is starting to become popular again but for a different reason. When these movies originally came out they were scary because we could never phathom Mr. Cleaver (wtf was that man’s name) going nuts and killing Wally, June and the Beav but these days ppl are having such a problem with rejection and reacting so insane about said rejection that these movies are like a cautionary tale (I know one of the worlds longest sentences). The book I’m writing even has this kind of message, “be careful who you take to bed these days ladies or someone will get you” The man in Middle Management has become the Boogie Man. I noticed this with my ex’s exgf. She was mad because he started dating me so soon after their breakup that she decided stalking me (via cellphone and fb) was the way to get him back. I told a guy once, I didn’t want to see anymore after two dates and he threatened to have his nieces “beat me up”. Then there was the guy who, when I stopped returning his calls after he called me a bitch “playing” during a conversation. He started calling me from unlisted numbers and payphones. *Sidebar – to even find one payphone in Philadelphia takes fucking effort, this crazy found at least five (he’s the reason I don’t answer numbers I don’t know and part of the reason I don’t answer unknown numbers)*. To top it off, when he could no longer reach me by telephone, he started writing me letters! Letters! Finding a mailbox is even harder than finding a payphone in Philly, smh. Anything I ever sent by snail mail up to that point was sent from work, using my hand dandy mailroom.

So here is my PSA… YOU CAN’T MAKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU, LOVE YOU OR BE WITH. The love stories ant these comedies, where the guy continuiously sends texts, emails, flowers. Shows up on her job, at family reunions and other various affairs, eventhough she is constantly rejecting him and telling him to go to hell, they’re just movies PPL. In RL this is stalking. Even if this did work, why would you want to be with someone who makes work that fucking hard. Okay, I’m done.

Later Days,
-K

it’s just how I roll…

Lately I have been getting the sad eyes, the pat – rub combo, and the spiritual words of wisdom. Even the occassional hug (which makes me want to pull my skin off). Here’s the thing, I’m not that girl. I keep being accused of bottling things up and not expressing myself by folks in my RL. Again, I’m not that girl. I go through whatever I’m going through. I process it the best way I can and I move on. Honestly, when I was younger I almost believed I was a socialpath because I never greieved for more than a few days or worried about a sick friend or relative for too long. I live in a world of whatever is going to be is going to be when it comes to illness and death. I stress about bills, mortgages, car notes and jobs. I stress about ppl and things that I can control. I can control who I have in my life. I can control my job, bills and stuff. I can’t control if me or a member of my family gets sick, I can’t control if someone dies, so I just don’t worry about those things. Once it has happened, I pay tribute and I move on. I think it’s quite heathly, others don’t share my feelings. They think I’m either “hiding from my grief” or “living in denial”. They feel the same about my recent miscarriage. That I’m hiding. I’m not. I was sad, I cried last night and I wrote about it here. I have two very healthy and beautiful daughters. To dwell on this lost, it makes me feel like I am ignoring my blessings. The hardest part about the entire ordeal, is dealing with the ppl, lol.

I do want to thank you all who commented or contacted me about this, now if you could just teach the ppl in my RL to treat me the same ūüôā

Love and Later Days,
-K

I wasn’t going to share…

I wasn’t going to share but I have to get it off me…

I named him and he didn’t come, I knew he wasn’t because I know my body…
I thought I felt him
then he was gone, in my mind he was a he not and not a she because I have so many… my she’s are three
now, I feel lost when I touch my stomach…
I feel angry…
I am expected to be strong, so I don’t cry even though I want to really, really bad…
instead I drink tequila and sing Jimmy Buffet.
I don’t lash out, I except the help I am given and I wait…
just to stop… feeling like this.

Later Days,
-K

Why ask why???

We often wonder why.¬† Why do ppl treat each other the way they do?¬† Why do ppl take others for granted?¬† Why is it easier to tear someone down than to build them up?¬† Why can’t I find the person I want to share my life with?¬† Why is it our significant other the only one who doesn’t appreciate me?¬† But why are we asking these questions?¬† Most of the time you already know the answers to your questions and just don’t want to do the heavy lifting.¬† We are so busy asking why, that we are failing to act.

Why worry about what you can’t control instead of simply moving forward?¬† The problems we face are really quite simple to fix but we just don’t want to put in the work to rectify the situation.¬† The thing is, it normally means hurting someone else’s feelings, removing someone(s) from our lives or fixing something about ourselves.¬† So I am going to help you out, I going to help you move forward today. The reason you haven’t gotten those ppl out of your life or began working on yourself yet is for one reason and one reason only, you’re not ready yet.¬† When you have had enough, when you are ready to change, you will.¬† It’s just that simple.¬† If you think it’s financial, when you are ready, you will find things to cut out your life that are just luxuries and you will find the money.¬† If you don’t have a job but want one, when you are ready, you will stop thinking you and your Degrees are too good to work at McDonald’s or CVS, you will go fill out an application.¬† If your Mother is driving you insane, you will figure out what battles are worth fighting and which are worth walking away from.¬† When you are tired of your boyfriend/husband/lover showing his ass, you will show him the door.

At the end of the day, you can have whatever you want.¬† Peace, money, a new car or better job.¬† When you’re ready.¬† Have a great day and Happy Easter.

Later Days,

-K

Breaking News…

This just in…¬† After checking Aldis Hodge’s FB page again to see if he commented on any other comments on his page, (he hasn’t btw and I know I’m turning into a cyber stalker).¬† I decided to check him out on IMDB (Internet Movie Database) to read his biography.¬† It turns out he is also a military brat (Marine Hoo Rah).¬† I also found out he was born in 1986… 1986!¬† Which means,¬†for those of you who are looking for you calculator, he will be 25 in September.¬† I feel like such an old man with candy in my pocket, telling a little girl to sit on my lap, smh.

I really need a boyfriend…

I’ve been writing blogs lately and saving them to drafts.¬† I haven’t completed any of them because I keep getting distracted and not in a good way.¬† But that’s not what this blog is about.¬† I have a FB page and you can ask Amy,¬†I’m pretty boring.¬† I am not one of those who follow celebrities on twitter or FB.¬† My FB page¬†was originally¬†created¬†to just keep up with my family (Those of you who read my blogs regularly know I come from a huge family) There are a couple of celebrities I have recently “friend” on FB to find¬†out when a new movie or album is coming out or to get discount coupons or free tickets.¬† There is one in particular that I follow closely for two reasons.¬† One of the reasons is because his show’s season starts at different times every year and I don’t really watch the channel except when the show¬†starts.¬† So I follow¬†his fb status because he has the updates on his page.¬† The show is called Leverage….

The show has a Robin Hood theme… a bunch of crooks that steal shit back from companies and other thieves who steal from other trusting or intimidated ppl.

The other reason I like the show is because of  this guy:

I’m a sucker for a cute smile.¬† I also love tall, dark and handsome.

His name is Aldis Hodge.

He’s been on a bunch of my favorite shows.¬† And recently on a commercial with one of my favorite Basketball Players, Mr. LeBron James.¬† He used to be on Supernatural, now he’s on Leverage and tonight he was on my other favorite shows – Chicago Code.¬† After the show went off I get the bright idea to be a groupie and go on his page and tell him he did a good job (I know, who gives a flying fuck what I think right?¬† Oh sorry, you guys do that’s why you read.¬† That and you know I’m a tard who is going to do some dumb shit throughout the week that will make you shoot milk from your nose.).¬† Anywho, I’m minding my own business and a¬†#1 shows up next to my FB tab.¬† I go back to FB and guess what, he has answered me, not a blanket, thank you to all his fans but “Thank You” to me!¬† I send back another quick dorky, groupie reply to his “Thank You” and then I go back to his page to see who all he has responded to, thinking he went on his page and thanked each person for their comments about his performance individually, to make us all feel special.¬† Guess what?¬† He only responded to me!¬† I worked in Sports and Entertainment on and off for a total of 8 yrs.¬† I have never been “star struck” except in the very beginning and that was because I was a teenager.¬† So when I felt the excitement wash all over me and realized I was smiling for no reason other than a “Thank you” from a stranger, a man I will probably NEVER meet.¬† I knew then, I really need a boyfriend, smh.

Later Days,

-K. Hodge (see what I mean, lol)

What did I miss???

I haven’t been on in a while (again) because I was dealing with some personal issues that I won’t be sharing.¬† Things have been confusing but everything is as it should be, I guess.¬† Basically my life is back to the insane rollercoaster it has always been (Evie false alarm, sort of, but thanks for your prayers).

Some things have changed and some things have stayed the same.¬† I think I was right (normally I am) about the guy stalking my blog because after my last case of verbal diarrhea, I haven’t heard from him.¬† Hey Evie, how about you tell your txt stalker that you write a blog and maybe the same thing will happen, he will just go away with no fanfare.

I digress, one of the other changes which have occurred, I disabled my OK Stupid profile (Grey Goose, Dirty’s name for it) but my heart must not have been in it because you have the option to disable it or to take it down¬†completely and all I did was disable it, I am such a wimp.¬† I turned around this week after getting some good/bad news and decided (again) wtf, it’s not that bad, right.¬† WRONG.¬† I swear it’s more pervs on there now than when I left two months ago.¬† And since I stopped drinking and smoking, they aren’t that fucking funny anymore either, smh.¬† I haven’t found anyone I am attracted to because either they are ugly on the outside and inside or weird or sexy as hell and are conceited.¬† The cute ones also seem to be “pretty idiots”.¬† This one guy was sexy as hell but he was such a fucking tool.¬† He was insulting the women reading his page but he couldn’t spell his insults, smh.¬† He says¬† women wanted a certain type of guy and they had nothing to offer in return, women weren’t really women, they were little girls playing dress up, I bet his inbox was overflowing.¬† Where did this come from? Guys thinking the best way to get with a woman is to insult her… blog for another day.

As you just read another thing that has changed is I stopped drinking and smoking.¬†¬†I thought I’d give up drinking for health reasons (some of the reason anyway) and I also figured while I was drinking I was making dumb ass decisions that were leaving me in hot water when I was sober, again I was wrong.¬† I seem to make the dumb ass decisions when I’m sober and get the best alibis and¬†lies¬†solutions when I have been drinking.¬† I am also more warm, I tend to be a heartless bitch sober.

The smoking I gave up for pretty much the same as the first reason I chose to stop drinking, my health.¬† Yeah, no…. that doesn’t work for me.¬† I was waiting for something and I said if what I was waiting for turn out to be wrong, I would see how I felt after.¬† If I still wanted to be nicotine and alcohol free afterward, wtf right.¬† Yeah, I am buying a pack of Newport 100s as soon as I finish with this blog and then…¬† I am going to the “State Store”, ppl under the age of 30 or who aren’t from Philly refer to these places as the liquor store or in the beautiful state of VA where my Aunts live, the supermarket, lmfao.¬† I will travel there (the liquor store not VA) and get me a bottle of Captain Morgan and¬†continue to pickle my liver¬†until I forget my children are home for a week on Spring Break ūüė¶

Let’s see what else, what else… oh yeah no more trips to the laundry mat, Momma’s buying a washer and dryer, woo whoo.¬† I spent the last three years without them and I have been living like I did in college, I had clean clothes, dirty clothes and shit that had to be washed.¬† Dirty clothes you could wear again, if they had a stain, a little dish or laundry detergent and a wash cloth, good as new.¬† “Shit that had to be washed” or S2BW, you could whistle for and they would walk to the laundry mat (don’t judge)¬†like that scene in Fantasia….

This is the one that tried to kill herself with aspirin last year when her boyfriend's wife found out about her and then sued her for millions

Not that Fantasia…

I’m talking about this Fantasia, I think the story is called sorcerer’s apprentice…

I could whistle and my laundry would go to the laundry mat the way these mops are cleaning the house.

I realized after I inserted a pic of Mickey Mouse I was actually rambling, so I am done for now.  To do a quick recap:

I got scared shitless

got some shit sorted out

stopped drinking and smoking

stopped online dating

realized that I was an idiot because I stopped drinking and smoking

restarted my pathetic online dating life

and a partridge in a pear tree ūüôā

Happy drinking and Later Days,

-K

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Kay…

Okay, I wrote that because may be¬†¬†just may be, you like the folks in my life, have forgotten who the hell I am.¬† I sit here occasionally¬†and rant/rave, sometimes while foaming at the mouth, with smoking fingers.¬† Pist¬†at the insanity of the ppl that orbit my world.¬† This is a virtual shout out to someone who¬†I believe secretly¬†reads my blog and never comments. I think while looking for my advice column he accidentally¬†stumbled upon this blog.¬† Because like magic if I mention a problem I have or an issue I have with him or men in general his behavior immediately adjusts.¬† Since you don’t seem to get this when I speak to you via telephone or text, may be you will get it this way.¬† I would have this conversation with you face to face, however I have just quit smoking and given up coffee, I don’t need to catch a case because I snatched your head off or ripped your heart out…

I-HAVE-A-LIFE-I-HAVE-CHILDREN-I-HAVE-RESPONSIBILITES-I-AM-STARTING-MY-OWN-BUSINESS-MY-EVERY-FREE-MINUTE-DOESN’T-BELONG-TO-YOU-OR-ANYONE-ELSE-BUT-ME!

*disclaimer to my normal readers, If you didn’t understand that, it’s okay it was written in idiot.¬† If you did, don’t worry your just bilingual.*

You have heard me talk about Perry in the past and after recent developments I figured if nothing else, we could¬†probably be friends, no bullshit.¬† But this guy, I can’t…¬† I have told you before my Pop is retired Military, I believe in a MAN’S Man.¬† Call me what you want, but I was brought up around men who were Alpha types, they didn’t do passive¬†aggressive¬†bullshit, they said what they meant, they meant what they said.¬† They followed orders or they died, so there was no crying about your boss.¬† They held doors open for women, they held chairs out for women, they helped you in and out of your coat, they lit your cigarette.¬† They say things like honor and duty, with no smirk on their face. They believe you stand for something or fall for anything.¬† And while there were Americans¬†who believed that they shouldn’t have been and shouldn’t be at war, they fought/fight for the right for you to say you feel that way openly.¬† They say yes sir and no sir and they do it with their chest out, hands at their sides.¬† So I can’t do pansy ass men, period.¬† Send your shitty comments, I can handle them, I will not apologize for how I feel about men.¬†I can’t deal with a man who¬†can’t stand up for himself.¬† I can’t deal with a man who has fucking hissy fits on my vm because I don’t return his calls when HE thinks I should.¬†I can’t deal with whiny ass text msgs “cursing” me out.¬† You don’t like that I was too¬†busy (at my cousin’s wedding) to answer your call and too tired to call you afterward when I came home, cooked dinner, checked homework that was assigned over the weekend and watching a movie with my girls – two words FUCK YOU.¬† I jumped through hoops for my ex husband for 7 damn years.¬† I’m not looking for a new owner.¬† I have no respect for a man who needs that gotdamn much attention.¬† I think he doesn’t think I have a job because I do it from home.¬† Eh, hello, I’m doing something.¬† My rent on this place is 800 a month, my electric and gas combined is¬†about 150, my insurance is about 200, my cell/house phone/internet/cable run about 250 combined.¬† So where the fuck am I getting this money if I’m not working a “REAL JOB”?¬† You blame your need for so much attention on being an only child?¬† I blame it on you being a tool.

Later Days,

-K

I know it shouldn’t but it does… :(

I know at this point it shouldn’t hurt to hear your name but it does…

I know at this point I should be moving on but I can’t…

I know I shouldn’t be thinking of you but I do…

I know I shouldn’t miss you so much but I do…

I know this shouldn’t be taking this long but it does…

I know this is supposed to be Fun Philly but I’m not so fun these days…

I know I shouldn’t still be in love but I am…

 

Later Days,

-K

 

Purveyor of Dick Jokes…

I am so sorry if you got here because you searched dicks and got me ūüė¶

That is my new title as a freelance writer for Cracked.com, b4 you get excited anyone with a pulse can pretty much do it, the tricky part is getting paid for it.¬† Honestly, if I don’t get any dough, it’s cool at least I got exposure right? Bullshit, ya’ll¬†know me waaay better than that.¬† Now I am going over some ideas in my mind, I’ll see what pops out hopefully it with be something cash worthy, lol.

Wish me luck.

Later Days,

-K