Are we too defensive???

Have we been dating for so long that we have become bitter about the dating scene?  Are we beginning to expect too much from men?  Take for example my ex TV Guy, he was a tool.  I say it all the time. He was selfish, insensitive and lacked communication skills, I also felt like he was playing too many games.  But to his positive, he was smart, funny, kind and great in bed, lmao (he had other great qualities too).  His good out weighed his bad, so you may be asking your monitor, wtf did you break up with him?  Well, to put it plainly. I felt disrespected and taken for granted.  I felt like I deserved better, but I always say you get what you give.  Is it possible, because I’m not a team player and I was never big on being a “joiner”, that I gave off the vibe that I didn’t need him?  I spoke to one of my Besties over the weekend and she said something that made me pause.  She said that she asked her fiancée whether he believed he chose her.  He simply replied, he was chosen.  She ended the engagement but not the relationship because she doesn’t believe that they are ready to get married if he thinks he was chosen. I listened and thought silently to myself, you’re fucking nuts (I know me, thinking anything to myself and not sharing is crazy). Now I’m wondering, do we all secretly harbor a need to feel needed?  I always say that I would rather be wanted than needed because when the need that I provide passes, as all things do, you will no longer need me in your life.  I would much rather have someone who would want me, or would I?

I guess when you live with ppl that need you all the time, it becomes a pain in the ass.  I tell my mom and my kids all the time if I dropped dead or someone kidnapped me they wouldn’t notice until they ran out of clean clothes, dinner time or one of the utilities got shut off.  Because in sickness and health, I got to get shit done.  If I don’t do it, no one comes to my aid or steps in and takes charge.  My youngest daughter’s father, actually called me a control freak once, I laughed in his face and said to be a control freak you would have to want to take control, I don’t want it.  I would gladly pass off the task of running my family to anyone who wanted to take the responsiblity. The thing is, no one does!  I have a secret for you, my dear readers.  I am a lazy bitch!  Oh yeah, I am.  I would much rather lay in bed all day and surf the net, all day everyday.  In that fantasy world Denis Haysbert would be painting my toe nails:

Lebron James would be playing for the Sixers and in his off season making me dinner and feeding me grapes:

and some dead, rich uncle would have left me a fortune because I was his favorite niece, so I never had to worry about money. Lastly my children would never know what a dead beat dad was because their father would step up to the plate and do his damn job.

But since I don’t, I have to do everything- not want to- but have to. Because I am “strong” and a “fighter”, that’s all I really know how to be, the question is… am I fighting the wrong folks?

Later Days,
-K

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