Lately I have been getting the sad eyes, the pat – rub combo, and the spiritual words of wisdom. Even the occassional hug (which makes me want to pull my skin off). Here’s the thing, I’m not that girl. I keep being accused of bottling things up and not expressing myself by folks in my RL. Again, I’m not that girl. I go through whatever I’m going through. I process it the best way I can and I move on. Honestly, when I was younger I almost believed I was a socialpath because I never greieved for more than a few days or worried about a sick friend or relative for too long. I live in a world of whatever is going to be is going to be when it comes to illness and death. I stress about bills, mortgages, car notes and jobs. I stress about ppl and things that I can control. I can control who I have in my life. I can control my job, bills and stuff. I can’t control if me or a member of my family gets sick, I can’t control if someone dies, so I just don’t worry about those things. Once it has happened, I pay tribute and I move on. I think it’s quite heathly, others don’t share my feelings. They think I’m either “hiding from my grief” or “living in denial”. They feel the same about my recent miscarriage. That I’m hiding. I’m not. I was sad, I cried last night and I wrote about it here. I have two very healthy and beautiful daughters. To dwell on this lost, it makes me feel like I am ignoring my blessings. The hardest part about the entire ordeal, is dealing with the ppl, lol.
I do want to thank you all who commented or contacted me about this, now if you could just teach the ppl in my RL to treat me the same 🙂
Love and Later Days,