I haven’t been blogging a lot lately because a lot of shit has been going down. I really don’t want to go into great detail but I gotta get some of this off of me.
I found out recently that I have Fibroids, which may or may not be the cause of the two miscarriages I have had in the last year. Yea me.
My family sucks, that too general, my cousins suck.
My daughter is driving me nuts (teenagers, smh)
My mother is driving me nuts
Everyone wants time I don’t have.
I just want to stay sleep or drunk until I figure everything out (impossible).
I want a boyfriend, an honest to goodness boyfriend, someone who is dependable, honest, caring and supportive (handsome and well hung doesn’t hurt either).
I want to travel more.
I want to get published.
I want a laptop to out live it’s warranty.
I want a television show that I like to actually stay on the air and keep its original cast.
I want to be happy.
I want to be 25 again with the knowledge of my 34 years.
I want to go back 3 years and never meet a certain someone who drives me insane.
okay, I done…
I know I have been boring lately but somethings have been going on. My heart has been doing some strange things. It’s been trying to fall in love, blah. I hate when this happens, especially when it’s with someone I think I shouldn’t love. We will discuss it later folks. Some of you know I had a miscarriage in April or May (I block bad memories) and one before that in August. The thing is because of the way I’m built internally (for all the guys that read I won’t go into details) I have had a total of (I think) 9 miscarriages. I was told at the grand old age of 14 yrs old, that I would never have children… Thing is Dr.s guess, it’s a good guess but that’s all it is, hypothesis is what they like to call it. They make these guesses based on other ppl in your situation. Thankfully I have 2 beautiful daughters (the hypothesis was wrong). This weekend after a great time at Dorney Park (an amusement in Allentown, PA) with my daughters and riding every death-defying ride in the park (my favorite is now the Hydra), in 4″ heels btw, with my girls, I came home and enjoyed a quiet BBQ with my family. I ended up in the hospital after being in extreme pain, after dinner. Now let me break it down for you, I am no wuss. To prove that fact the Friday before Easter Sunday, I was frying fish. My mother’s friend startled me causing me to drop fish in hot greese, which splashed up and burned the shit (second degree burn) out of two middle fingers. I had blisters for a week and I still don’t have all the pigmentation back in those fingers. Same day I ended up in the hospital, I stepped on a hot coal (barefooted) from the grill I was cooking dinner on. So I have an extremely high pain thrushold, so much so that I gave birth to my oldest daughter on my sofa while waiting for the paramedics because I waited for the “real pain” to start before I called. So when I say I’m in pain, it’s no bullshit. Anywho, I find out after two ultrasounds and a CT scan that I have Fibroids on my right ovary. The same side that I had the tube removed. Because I didn’t think I had anything over there besides my appendix, I was worried. The fibroids explains the miscarriages.
With all that’s going on, it’s a wonder I’m not nuts. I was trying to blog for a few days now but I wanted to get some rest. So my question is have I lost all my readers yet, lol.
The combination of this heat and really having nothing to do is driving me insane. There’s really nothing for me to do until I make my decisions about my future endeavors. I am beginning to feel the onset of cabin fever setting in… I am also tired of people who can’t be by themselves or entertain themselves, calling me ever friggin day with nothing to talk about or telling me the same shit they have been telling me for months now. Give me the internet and a book and I am fine and dandy. I’m bored but not from having nothing to do but from not wanting to be do what I have to do, if you get what I’m saying. I could do laundry or clean my windows or hell, empty my inbox but I choose not to do busy work. I’m just lying around in my PJs and catching up on different televisions shows that I don’t watch with grown ups around, like Hell Cats and Vampire Diaries. Don’t judge. I also have seen Twilight: Eclipse for the fifth time.
Sorry for boring you again today, maybe something will happen that has a greater impact on my life than the Final Episode of Smallville and I will blog about it, until then… this is all you get, lol.
Well since I haven’t been really speaking to anyone, dating or really even leaving my house. The douchebag of the month award goes to my sister.
She had a cookout here at my house Saturday (without me having prior knowledge). The menu consisted of nothing but meat. No salads, no drinks, no chips or pretzels… JUST MEAT. Lucky for me I have ALWAYS got a something 80 proof in my freezer. So I sat outside drinking, while she pretended that she was a guest at her own cookout. So that I could be second runner up for the DB Award, I gave all of her hot dogs away to the neighborhood kids, kicked everyone out and went to bed.
I haven’t been doing much, which is why you haVe been getting bitchy rants from me. I have been trying to decide what to do. I have two laptops that have crashed in the last 11 months. sigh and smh. SIDEBAR*DO NOT buy a Gateway NV, the NV series battery overheated once and burned my stomach (leaving a nice burn mark). The socket broke, shortly after being repaired, the motherboard shorted the hell out. The other NV I purchased 4 months later, died a few weeks ago. I know electronics aren’t made like they used to be but damn… can I get it to work longer than the warranty they give you standard?
In other news: I am taking a LOOOOOONG overdue vaKAYtion. I found a cheap cruise to Cozumel and I am on that sucker. I booked it the other day. It is the Monday after Thanksgiving (for those of you who don’t know, my oldest daughter’s Bday falls on Thanksgiving every 6 to 7 years and my youngest daughter’s Bday is just 11 days before that) So between throwing two bday parties and cooking/hosting Thanksgiving (I have done it every year since 2002) I will need a vaKAYtion. When I come back I will be in Christmas mode.
In a couple of weeks I will be the proud guest of Super 8, motel 6 or some other motel-to get my head on straight. I have to make some really tough decisions. That will require a “mom” free environment. One that consists of no phones ringing, no one screaming my name through the house. No one asking to go outside. No Title fights to referee, no beds to make, no clothes to clean. It will just be me and my “borrowed” laptop, my budget and a bottle of Grey Goose. Hell I may not even wash my ass or hair during my stay. Hopefully when I return home on Monday, I will have all the answers. SIDEBAR* As I type this, I have had to stop three times… Once to close my bedroom door because my mother watches the tv so loud you think you’re at the movies and twice because she called me downstairs to tell me the movie was good and once to ask me to put on another movie- (my youngest daughter is sitting right next to her, sigh). I have to find more freelance writing gigs, those of you who write know that writing freelance articles don’t pay that well.
So I think you are all caught up… there’s 20 minutes of your life you’ll never get back, sorry, lol.
Truthfully… it only makes one out of you. Why is it that if you support something, someone makes an assumption about your character? Why can’t it just be that I believe if it’s not harming anyone, go for it? Or that decisions about your life should be made by you. Here are a few examples of what I mean.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose. This doesn’t mean I have had an abortion. What it means is I believe in the Constitution. I believe you never know what has happened to a woman (rape, molestation, incest) to make her choose abortion, it’s not ALWAYS used by women or girls who were irresponsible with their bodies or who have made poor choices.
I believe that if a gay couple wants to get married, let them. It doesn’t make me a lesbian, it means that if it truly is a sin before GOD that it’s between them and GOD, I have my own sins to atone for. It means I am part of a race that (not too long ago) were considered property and our marriages weren’t valid. It means that if you don’t want a gay marriage you shouldn’t marry the same sex. I believe there is enough hate in the world over stupid shit and ANY expession of love is wonderful.
I believe that AIDS is not GOD’s way of punishing ppl for their sins. If it were, the whole world would be infected. This doesn’t mean I am not a Christian!
I believe that I should have sex when I am ready and not by some stupid ass rule system. It doesn’t mean I’m a whore (I can count on two hands how many sexual partners I have had and still have had LOTS of GREAT sex). It doesn’t mean I have low self-esteem (because frankly no one but GOD loves me as much as I do, lol). It doesn’t mean I have one night stands and it sure as hell doesn’t mean that I view sex as a sport!
I believe in spankings. It doesn’t mean I spank my children or that I abuse my children.
I also believe in being myself, being responsible, being educated, being well read, being accountable for my own actions and smiling & having a good time even when it looks like all is lost. So before you judge me know this, I don’t give a rats ass how people perceive me because I already know who I am. Love me or hate me… either way you’re thinking of me.
Teach these guys how to crop/rotate a profile pic.
Teach them the difference between “since” and “sense”.
Teach them the difference between “woman” and “women”.
Stop these guys from doing “Prison poses” (squat down holding the peace sign).
Teach them to write a decent email. “Hi i think u sexy”. Is not someone I want to bring home to meet my daughters or want to help them with their English Homework.
Thanks for listening to me bitch, lol.