Monthly Archives: July 2011

I’m the type of girl…

I’m the type of girl who NEEDS deadlines.  That’s why most of my adult life I worked in Corporate America.  Well that and the pay.  They pay you obscene amounts of money to do nothing, literally.  The longer you spent behind a desk (be it school or OJT) the more they paid you.  The higher up you went the less work you had to do and the more people you got to tell what to do. Wonderful!  Sorry… I’m drooling a little and my eyes just lost focus.  But I digress.  As I was saying, I need deadlines.  Because I know I have this crazy little flaw about me, I use it to my advantage to make me do what I don’t want to do, does that make sense or does it sound crazy?  Any who, I need to lose this weight.  It will make me feel better and… fuck it why lie, it will make me feel better period.  Guys still buy me drinks when I go out, I still get the once over but it’s not how it use to be you know.  When I first started going out alone, I felt so uncomfortable because I felt like everyone was staring at me because I was alone, later I realized I was being stared at because I was hot.  Now before you get your panties in a bunch.  It wasn’t my size that made me hot it was my attitude.  Being the youngest, you learn not to show too much of any emotion  because the older ones use it against you to torture you.  That being said when I would go out, others didn’t notice I felt uncomfortable.  They just wanted to know why this cutie was here all by herself, was she waiting for someone.  What’s her deal.  Once I would start chatting to some random person and it became public knowledge that I was alone.  Hell it was on like donkey kong. I never paid more than maybe ten bucks to drink all night.  Here lately however, I’m showing a lot of emotion and two of them being self-doubt and insecurity.  Mainly because I don’t like the way I look or feel.  I am truly unmotivated to do anything about it.  Planning the cruises helped but with me canceling them, the motivation has gone away like a summer breeze.  I said in an earlier post that I was going back to Match.com and I am, in August. I want to start near the end of the month.  The girls go back to school after Labor Day and it’s just easier to date when they’re on a schedule.

Back to me and my stupid deadlines, my new deadline is to pick a date to start on Match.com, and lose at least 15 of the 30lbs before that date.  Because once I start to see even a hint of a six-pack or at least my muffin top begins to crumble,  it will motivate me (fingers crossed) to lose the rest of the weight and firm it all up.  It’s never keeping a workout regime that’s the problem.  It’s starting one.  Wish me luck.

Later Days,

-K

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Ready… Set… go… uh oh :(

Okay we all know I have been getting ready for the cruise that never came.  I was supposed to go on a cruise to the Bahamas with my oldest daughter as a way of showing her how proud I was of her previous year’s grades in school.  Due to her poor behavior I took away said cruise.  In taking away the cruise I also took away my motivation to lose 30 lbs by June (yes the one that just passed).  Next I was going to take a cruise to Cozumel in November but since I am returning to school – boo, I canceled that cruise as well (so fun being responsible).  So I had zapped all attempts and motivation to get off my fat ass to lose these damn 30lbs… until, I saw my legs.  This summer in this gawdawful heat, I have been attempting and (mostly) succeeding in walking 2 miles a day.  I have also been eating salads like crazy, since we eat pretty healthy (truthfully – I feed them healthy and I eat junk) it wasn’t a big transition.  Their favorite so far is my grilled chicken caesar salad and my taco salad.  We eat them for lunch and a light dinner.  I have substituted most soda drinking with cucumber water (surprisingly sweet) and lemon water.  So my legs and my stomach have gotten tight over the last month and a half.  Today (instead of working) I went thorough all my “skinny” clothes and could fit a lot of them, yea me.  So to reward myself, what am I doing @ 12:23 am EST, you ask.  Cooking brownies and making ice coffee, I know… I know.  Back to planks, treadmills and bicycle crunches in the morning… oh wait, I have been avoiding them too!

Later Days,

-K

Sometimes you do get to see ppl get there’s and sometimes you just happen to be the one to give it to them…

*Disclaimer – this is going to be a VERY immature post, on the level of na-na-na-na-naaa… You’ve been warned.*

Okay so a little while back my ex, TV Guy broke my heart.  I did something I never really do and that’s let him in…  I fell hard for him and he screwed me over.  I knew it would take time but I would finally get over him.  It took until almost until this winter to totally be free of him (in my head).  Someone quite close to me works with the douchebag (which was part of the reason I had trouble letting go).  Even though I told her repeatedly, I didn’t want to know who he was dating, what he was doing or even how he was doing… she would often bring him up in conversation.  Next thing I know we’re talking about him, then I’m bitching about him and finally missing him, later calling or excepting his calls.  Idk about other women but my best way to get over a guy is to quit cold turkey.  No contact what-so-ever.  No text, no calls, no going to places we used to go (I might bump into him – unless I have an extremely hot and successful guy on my arm – YEAH, never happens).  All friends and family know his name is off-limits, so are any topics or memories that involve him for at least three months.  Sounds crazy but it works for me.  I normally remove all old texts (especially the “I love u” ones) from my inbox, delete all messages and take down any pics if there are any.  No reminders of good times.  Again it works for me.  So when this person continued to bring up his name and things, I had to cut her off as well.  First she played dumb as to why I wasn’t returning her calls and texts.  Then it must have gotten to her because I get a long FB message in my inbox (gotta love social networking) telling me I am being “childish, petty and extremely immature” (hmmm thought that’s what childish was…) Anyway, I digress.

After a while we started talking again (after my TV GUY exorcism was complete) and things started going back to normal.  Then a few weeks ago we went out.  After a drink or two she whips out this picture of this guy (on her phone) she used to have a huge crush on in high school and later hooked up with when he was drunk quite often after they graduated.  After each hook up he would feel guilty and call/text to apologize for using her, at which time she would ALWAYS profess her love and he would tell her he loved her too… as a friend.  Said guy also had a girlfriend.  Now as I’m looking at the pics, I am wondering why she has pics of him AND the girlfriend on her phone.  That’s when I notice, it’s not pics… it’s a SLIDESHOW that he sent to ALL of his friends and family to announce (you guessed it) his marriage(the previous weekend) and baby that will arrive this Fall. OUCH.

Today, I’m minding my own business, catching up on Breakout Kings (Idk why I bother any show I seem to like gets canceled).  I see my toolbar flashing (indicating new fb message).  It’s my friend’s guy.  He friend requests me.  No biggie right? He asks about me and the girls, again no biggie right.  We chat about what he’s been up to (mind you, it’s on my wall no INBOX sneaky shit), he asked did I hear he was married… yup.  Baby… yup.  To both I congratulate him.  I ask if he registered, he tells me yes and his wife’s name so I can easily find it.  More shits and giggles and I end it by saying, “I have to get back to work, my prostitution ring won’t run itself, lol.  Next thing I know I get a message from my “friend” calling me a slimy bitch!  I ask her wtf she’s talking about, she says she saw the whole conversation, duh.  So did everyone else, it was on my wall.  I didn’t accidentally send you a cc on the message.  She goes on and on about how if I truly cared anything about her I wouldn’t want anything to do with him because I knew how much he hurt her. W.T.F.  I remind her of her ongoing relationship ( they hang out and shit) with TV GUY and how I didn’t care about them hanging out I just had asked her to not tell me.  That I needed that time (when I had asked her not to mention him) to get my shit together and she thought it was crazy then, how is this any different.  You know what she said?  That I was “childish, petty and extremely immature”.  Yup, some friends I have…  I then told her to fuck off.

I warned you…

Later Days,

-K

Here’s the deal…

Okay other than OKStupid, I haven’t been putting myself out there dating wise.  When I started online dating there was only one dating site and one “hook up” site for it.  It was taboo and embarrassing to admit you online dated.  So much so, it took me about 6 months to put my pic up.  I was scared to death someone I knew would see it and think I was desperate.  I remember putting my pic up for the first time and going back to the site about a week later to see I had 200 messages.  That of course was a got damn glitch and I actually had about 2 or 3.

Since then online dating has become less taboo and actually is the way lots of folks meet but in that time I have scaled back.  I felt like I was wasting my month every month paying these sites for the same weirdos I can meet in real like for about $20.00 (my drinking tab at a dive bar).  Here it is though dear readers, I am getting older and my pool of attractive, available is getting smaller.  Add to that the older I get the more selective I get.  I say all of that to say, I am going to renew me email dating account with Match.com.  It’s the oldest but I believe most equipped to handle what I am looking for…  I got to get out of this damn rut I’m in… I keep meeting the same broke ass, immature guy, every where I turn.  Which means, lately, I have been turning in the wrong directions.  So match will be pimping me out again for the first time in almost 8 years and we’ll see how well I do because Lawd knows I am tired of seeing the same loser ass profiles on OKSTUPID.com.  Even when you tell those assholes you aren’t interested they send you the douche in a quiver match.

So I’m closing my eyes, handing Match.com my wallet and jumping back in.  Wish me luck.

-K

Still swinging for the fences and seeing nothing but balls…

Okay I admit, the title has nothing to do with my post but it was funny as hell when I typed it, probably because I was thinking of hitting a few guys in the balls with a bat.

This post is actually more of an update. I have a very busy weekend ahead so I doubt if I will be able to blog at all until Monday or Tuesday. Here’s my schedule (I don’t care that you could careless but you came here to listen to me bitch about my boring ass life, so deal): Thursday – Johnny Mañana’s… by the name you can guess it’s this fabu Mexican restaurant. They have excellent empanadas. My mouth is watering just thinking about them and I always lie and say it’s my BDay to get free BDay cake shots (if you have never had them, try it). Friday – I am going to an Afterwork Party in CC Philadelphia. I love CC because it has such a great pulse but that pulse comes at a very steep price. The cost of two drinks is equal to a car note. So you guessed it, my 36 DDs are going to be on display (don’t judge). Saturday is my mother’s 60th bday party (which every other day she cancels and/or changes her mind about what she’s wearing). Sunday I am having a cookout for my girls and their friends. All of that means I will be hopping like Peter friggin Rabbit. I will probably be in a coma until Tuesday because I plan to be 80 proof everyday except Sunday. Gotta keep an eye on the kids, their squirrelly little ppl.

I just noticed I got completely off topic (smacking forehead). I was giving an update: Dr. Seuss is in a word, a loser. He’s happy that he makes 17,000 a year. Uh, he has a four year old. He was kicked out of high school for smoking cigarettes in the boys bathroom, they let him come back because he was in the 11th grade and they kicked him out again because he was, wait for it, was smoking again (not really buying this story but I don’t give a fuck). Oh, did I mention that he has NO intention of getting (at the very least) his GED. Fuck you call me a snob. He is also very proud of the fact that he has a 2000 dollar fund in place for his son, should he decide to graduate.

Next we have LOCO, he never returned my call. Then there is the funny, sweet guy. Yeah, I never called him and I think I deleted his number. Oh and Perry is being a dick right now. I’m assuming it’s because he’s probably seeing someone else. Which is cool with me because we aren’t in a relationship. But stop making up lame ass excuses. The reason I think he is seeing someone else is because there was a time when I got a text/call every morning and every evening. Now I barely get one once a week. He was always riding me (get your mind out the gutter) to come over or go out.  Now, nada.  For those of you who are thinking he’s acting this way because I rode his bike, screw you. I did it months ago and this is new, recent behavior.

So you’re now all caught up. Here’s hoping I catch a couple of fish without a net this weekend (as the old folks say).

Later Days,

-K

Kay’s weird dating life… or lack there of, smh.

Okay, back on the dating horse.  I am still seeing someone on and off that I met on OKSTUPID (GGD‘s great name for it).  Since we have gotten no where near relationship status, I still have an active account on there.  I have met a couple of great guys on there but they have yet to “pull the trigger” and ask me out.  So I have been getting a bunch of lame ass texts from two of them and a phone call from one guy, I will call the invisible man.  I call him that because he calls me a bunch of times, has hour long conversations with me and then poof disappears. Only to materialize a few days/weeks later, I know weird. Everytime I tell the invisible man we need to get together, he says “yeah we sure do.” and never sets the date. W.T.F! I am not playing coy or anything. I am saying point blank “we need to go out”, he agrees and then… nothing. What is wrong with guys in their 40s?

In other news: last Friday, I went out with one of my Besties. He is one of the greatest DJ’s in Philadelphia. He uses the computer version of Turn Tables (which are awesome) but he also has the old school ones for his old shit. He uses the computerized version for stuff that may have just come out or for stuff that may just have become a top 20 but he says “nothing beats wax” and I must agree :). I digress, we go out dancing Friday night (well I danced and he watched and bought me LOTS and LOTS of drinks), this guy starts hitting on me and he yells at the guy to “stop talking to his date!” UM, WTF? That has never happened before. I mean I have heard him refer to me as his date before but it’s normally when he’s trying to rush someone (he doesn’t want to talk to) off his phone. “I’m with a date” or “I’m on a date” but never directly. We go out ALL the time. Whenever I’m not in a relationship (quite often) he takes me out on Valentine’s day, to lunch for Mother’s Day or for dinner and drinks on my Birthday. I return the favor Father’s Day and his BDay. We have done just about EVERYTHING together (including an occasional bike ride – don’t judge). He’s never in a relationship because he doesn’t believe in them. He’s been gun shy of them since we met almost 11 years ago. So that was in a word… awkward.

Back to Friday, I end up going with him to work. He’s spins at this cheesy after hours. I swear the place is held together by gum and popsicle sticks, lol. But the drinks and food are cheap (even though I would cut my tongue out and eat it before I ate there). I met a few guys there… I decided to flirt away from the DJ both after what happened earlier. I got a couple of numbers but again, nothing substantial. I got the number of this cute Cambodian guy but all he does is text me. We’ll call him Dr. Suess because his name is in one of my favorite Dr. Suess books and he was trying to rap (really at 30ish). A cute white guy we’ll call LOCO because, some ppl who know him call him that and a funny looking but sweet black guy, we won’t call him anything because he has yet to return my call. I normally wouldn’t have gave it to him because his game was w-e-a-k but he was nice and as I said sweet, so wtf.

Well you are now caught up.

Later Days,
-K

I should be cleaning my room/office but instead… I blog.

I have decided today to post quotes to live by… why?  Because I have a H-U-G-E “to-do” list and I looking for any reason not to do any of it, lol.  So for your viewing pleasure:

Rules to live by…

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. ” – Ben Franklin.

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” – Ambrose Bierce

“A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.” -Herb Caen

“The man who has no imagination has no wings.” Muhammad Ali

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.” – Josh Billings

“Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life.”  – Smiley Blanton

“Everybody’s got whatever problems they have. I refuse to let somebody’s mistaken beliefs affect my life.” – O.J. Simpson

“Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.” – Josh Billings

“Make people happy where ever you go, not when ever you go.” My grandfather (R.I.P.)

and lastly, “When the shit hits the fan, duck!” – Fun Philly

Later Days,

-K

What’s worse than being an idiot??? Being a PROUD idiot, smh.

I have not been reading/commenting/posting blogs because I couldn’t remember my password, smh.  I have been a little mentally challenged lately, it happens when I have a lot on my mind.  But rather than admitting defeat and resetting my damn password, I was refusing to admit defeat.  Today I threw up my white flag and reset it.  So guess who’s back, yea you.

I’m soooo sad, lol.

Later Days,

-K

okay here we go again…

I am plunging head first back in to the cesspool dating pool.  I have been cooling my heels about dating because I was starting to hate it.  I have never liked dating in the past but here lately it has become a real pain in the ass, not to mention I was getting depressed doing it.  I was looking around at the available men in Philadelphia and honestly all I could think was, is this it?  This is what I have for options.  These men could be my children’s step father? I would have to grow old with this?  This way of thinking has, however, forced me to delete yet some more folks (men) from my cellphone and life.

They are so sad really.  They tell you what they want. You give them what they want and then they want to treat you like shit.  Oooooor they don’t have their shit together.  Why is a grown ass man still living with his mother at fucking 40?  Why does he think this is acceptable?  I think they think that because my mother lives with me, that I live with her… does that make sense?  Here’s the difference.  I pay all the bills.  When I decide to move (although I may get her opinion) my mother has no say where I move to because she LIVES WITH ME.  My mother does not wash my clothes (or hers for that matter), she doesn’t cook unless she wants to (not often) and has never had to clean my house.  So I think as I said before because my mother lives in my home with me and my daughters they think I have never left home.  Which makes them think it is okay to come to me with a bus pass and living in mama’s basement “apartment”.

I’m getting pist just thinking about all of this, when all I came on her to say was… wish me luck.

Later Days,

-K

Everytime I forget, someone is ALWAYS there to remind me…

so I am searching profiles, reading them.  I was taking my time going through them (I normally don’t) I look at pictures, if you are kind of cute, I check to see if you think all smokers should be lined up and executed (I am a smoker for those of you who don’t know).  If you don’t then I will send you a quick email.  I am very paranoid when it comes to dating, primarily because I have a house full of women (two daughters and my 60 year old mother live with me).  So after we exchanged names, I do something most ppl will find weird but (unfortunately) I have had to cancel a couple of dates because of what I found.  I search the sex offenders database for the guy’s name.  Yup.  I said it.  If you have ever been to that site, be warned it will scare the shit out of you.  If you are one of those ppl that know all of your neighbors, unless you have children or have children visit your home.  I suggest you stay the hell away from that damn site.  It will surprise the shit out of you who is listed on there and for the record, it is NOT all men.  So watch out for Granny Goodie up the block, there’s a reason she ALWAYS bakes brownies for the neighborhood children.

Anywho, I wasn’t planning on writing about that kind of perv today.  I was going to blog about another type.  That just kind slipped out (that’s been happening a lot recently).  I was actually searching profiles today as I started to say earlier and was very infatuated by this handsome gent.  He was so cute, I decided to read his WHOLE profile.  Do you know this guy (after proclaiming he is the best father ever – to a girl) had the nerve to admit if there was no way of him getting caught, he would grope a woman he found attractive, if he were on a crowd bus/trolley/subway.  He also admitted that he believed that there were times when women WERE obligated to sleep with him.  Um, do you think he would come up in my search.  Probably not.  Just when I forget that weirdos can look like everyone else.  One pops up to remind me…

sorry for the ramble.

Later Days,

-K