I’m the type of girl who NEEDS deadlines. That’s why most of my adult life I worked in Corporate America. Well that and the pay. They pay you obscene amounts of money to do nothing, literally. The longer you spent behind a desk (be it school or OJT) the more they paid you. The higher up you went the less work you had to do and the more people you got to tell what to do. Wonderful! Sorry… I’m drooling a little and my eyes just lost focus. But I digress. As I was saying, I need deadlines. Because I know I have this crazy little flaw about me, I use it to my advantage to make me do what I don’t want to do, does that make sense or does it sound crazy? Any who, I need to lose this weight. It will make me feel better and… fuck it why lie, it will make me feel better period. Guys still buy me drinks when I go out, I still get the once over but it’s not how it use to be you know. When I first started going out alone, I felt so uncomfortable because I felt like everyone was staring at me because I was alone, later I realized I was being stared at because I was hot. Now before you get your panties in a bunch. It wasn’t my size that made me hot it was my attitude. Being the youngest, you learn not to show too much of any emotion because the older ones use it against you to torture you. That being said when I would go out, others didn’t notice I felt uncomfortable. They just wanted to know why this cutie was here all by herself, was she waiting for someone. What’s her deal. Once I would start chatting to some random person and it became public knowledge that I was alone. Hell it was on like donkey kong. I never paid more than maybe ten bucks to drink all night. Here lately however, I’m showing a lot of emotion and two of them being self-doubt and insecurity. Mainly because I don’t like the way I look or feel. I am truly unmotivated to do anything about it. Planning the cruises helped but with me canceling them, the motivation has gone away like a summer breeze. I said in an earlier post that I was going back to Match.com and I am, in August. I want to start near the end of the month. The girls go back to school after Labor Day and it’s just easier to date when they’re on a schedule.
Back to me and my stupid deadlines, my new deadline is to pick a date to start on Match.com, and lose at least 15 of the 30lbs before that date. Because once I start to see even a hint of a six-pack or at least my muffin top begins to crumble, it will motivate me (fingers crossed) to lose the rest of the weight and firm it all up. It’s never keeping a workout regime that’s the problem. It’s starting one. Wish me luck.