First let me clarify my dad isn’t deceased. For those of you new to my blog, you don’t know. My father had a stroke in 2007. It caused paralysis on his entire right side. When people in your life close to you get sick, it’s not like in the movies. In the movies if they are of strong mind, body or spirit, they always fight their way back. It doesn’t happen that way. When the body shuts down, it may come back partially but never totally. Even if they are “minor” differences, to the person that’s ill they are MAJOR differences. My mother had 4 strokes (the same as my father’s coincidentally) and she has retained most of her motor skills but to her she feels almost as helpless to take care of herself.
Here is what I meant by the title. This week I have been having a killer toothache. I have had natural child birth twice, one time I didn’t even make it to the hospital (you don’t get more natural than that). So know when I tell you I am in pain, I’m not bullshitting you or whining about a “splinter like” pain. I haven’t slept a complete nights sleep in 4 or 5 days. Why not go to the dentist you ask because I can’t… My father use to take me. Even as an adult, even after I got married, even after I had kids. My dad took me because I am terrified of the dentist. I have only admitted this to one other person and he promised to take me last year but he didn’t. So I sit here in pain, crying… because my mouth hurts and my heart hurts.
This morning after my 900th hot shower, I finally texted my sister to ask her to take me. She said she would and she asked me something so profound and she doesn’t even realize it. She said “sure but why did you let it get this bad”. I have been lying to everyone else about it…. I don’t have money, time, any insurance. The truth is I was waiting for my dad to take me.