When I started blogging here about 2 years ago, I did it as a way to vent. I have been keeping a Journal of some sort my entire life. I have a running joke with one of my girlfriends. When I die, burn the composition books. You remember the ones that were black and white, you got on the first day of school every year until Junior High School. I have hundreds of those. Once the internet began to evolve, I stopped keeping the composition books and started keeping my Journals on my hard drive and picking and choosing what I would and wouldn’t allow into Cyberspace. About 5 years ago I found MYSPACE or as it’s called today MY____. I began blogging there but I couldn’t be as open as I’d like because any of my “friends”, as well as my boss and co-workers, could read my inner most thoughts. You can’t call your boss a douche and then lie to his face, explaining it’s just a coincidence this person is from Philly and hates her red haired, freckled face boss. That she thinks he’s an untalented hack who takes ALL of the credit for her work. That he is completely unqualified for the position and if it weren’t for me, you would have been kicked out on your ass on your second day. Meanwhile you have pics of yourself playing beer pong. But I digress.
Back to the journals, I go back to them from time to time to reread where I was at certain points in my life. To see how much I have grown or need to grow. I read the ramblings of a 20 something new mom, who is terrified of going back to school to get her BA with two little ones at home. Or the terror I felt in 2007 when both of my parents became ill 2 weeks apart and both Drs. told me all I could do was pray. I look at how in High School I was going to take over the world. I read with tears in my eyes the day that my Grandfather passed away or the day my oldest daughter was born. Seeing the first words I said to her in terrified ,scrawled handwriting “So what am I supposed to do with you”. I think without those journals I would never remember exactly the way I felt in those moments. That’s why I started writing here two years ago, it might help someone. It may not. Someone might be able to relate or just think I’m crazy… either way this blog has helped me. I hope it has helped others.
To think all I ever wanted it to do was keep me grounded.