Well I have spent the last few months getting “my so – called life” together. *Sidebar – is it just me or does Claire Danes seem to be playing a grown up version of Angela Chase on Homeland? I swear I am waiting for Jordan Catalano to pop up from some where or her drunk ass girlfriend, Rayanne, smh.*
Anywho, I have been living by a new motto as of late… I am not getting ppl out of my life, I am letting them pack their own bags. If ppl are not adding something worthy to my life, I am just letting them be… I have been really rude to some folks to go as far as instructing the folks in my home to tell certain folks that I am out or asleep. It has been a draining 34, almost 35 years. Every since I can remember, I have been helping folks with their problems, their lives, their relationships but no one is EVER here when I need them to be here for me. So recently, I have given myself permission to be selfish. Do you know why Heart Disease is one of the leading killers of women? Most likely because the majority of us are either wives, mothers or both. We spend our entire lives taking care of everyone else, we rarely go to the doctor’s for something that is bothering us until it’s gotten to the point that it interferes with our day-to-day life, we as women take better care of the family pet than we do ourselves and our health suffers for it. So I have moved to selfish town. I have gotten rid of my daughters’ cellphones (that’s over a hundred dollars) and other frivolous things all the way across the board. That allowed me to pay off my old student loans in their entirety (last payment will be due 4 days before my birthday) I will be eligible for a new loan and grants as of January 2012. In the meantime I have gotten on a payment plan to play for the prerequisite courses I will need to get my new degree. I have virtually cleaned up my credit (my score now is in the mid 600s) and that has made me eligible for a $100,000 mortgage. The stars are finally starting to line up. I will be going back and forth to court in 2012 to gain guardianship over my father, so that as soon as I am finished school, I can take him and my family down south as planned. All the effort I have been making, all the broke months and all of the tears I have cried are all starting to pay off.
As I prepare myself for the next chapter in my life, I have working extremely hard to better myself physically (I have lost most of the weight I have wanted to lose since last year), mentally – I am only surrounding myself with positive ppl (funny it’s not enough ppl around me now to make a circle, lol) and spiritually – I am praying a whole lot more and leaving a whole lot more in God’s hands to work out. November 1st I swore off booze, caffeine, juice and soda. Of course I was unable to stop doing any of these things but it has had the desired effect. I have tried not to drink any but what has actually happening is I am drinking a lot more water and I am now down to about two soda’s or juice a week, I have had two cups of coffee in the last few weeks (folks you know that is a HUGE decrease, you remember I had a coffee maker in my bedroom). Lastly, I drank the day of my daughter’s birthday (which is also her father’s birthday) and I plan to drink on Thanksgiving (coincidently it happens to fall on my other daughter’s birthday this year). I’m not as cranky as I thought I would be.
So now I have two more things to begin working on and I should be ready to ring in 2012, I want to decrease the amount I smoke, it’s already started to happen (I have gone from smoking a pack a day to smoking about a half a pack) I want to get back down to about 3-5 cigarettes a day. The other is the dentist. My mouth still bother me from time to time. With me doing so much to improve my life, I have hardly had a chance to really miss being in a relationship. I do miss sex though, 😦 but I figure that will work itself out. At night I lay in bed picturing my life the way I want it. The type of man I want to be with, the kind of house I want to live in, the kind of person I want to become. Funny, I haven’t been sad for a while now and I didn’t even think about it until I started writing this post.
I will try my best to post more like I use to but as I said before, if nothing is going on, there is no need to post. I doubt if you guys really miss my bitch sessions all that much (those of you who are still subscribed to my blog, I don’t imagine many of you are, lol).
Well that’s all for now, keep me in your prayers and…