Here’s the thing. I have dated so many douche bags that I am having trouble dealing with the new man in my life. It doesn’t help that he lives in another city and since he has professed his undying love (not exaggerating for a change), I haven’t seen him because of his schedule and mine. Not to mention since he has told me, we have had to deal with Hurricane Sandy, my father’s death (that still looks so weird) and snow. I need to see his face to read his body language. I need to know whether this is lust or actual love.
Because of the aforementioned problem with douches, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I don’t hear from him, I think he’s with another woman or has changed his mind about being with me or just finally noticed I’m a relationship retard. I am waiting for him to “see behind the curtain” and run screaming for the hills.
He’s a really laid back guy and he listens (most of the time) very well. We have great conversations but I have a bad habit of becoming a whiny, insecure girl whenever I am around someone I really like or have begun to love. I hate that side of me and I am really trying to keep my cray cray in check but every now and again some slips out. Case in point, yesterday morning he called, did I mention he calls every morning at 7:15 to wish me a good day and good morning? Anywho I digress, he called and we spoke briefly. He told me he had to run because he had to take care of some business, what was my winning response, you ask? Call me when I become your business. His, oh babe you are always my business but I have other things I need to take care of in between. I wanted to kick myself in the teeth as soon as it came out of my mouth. Later in the day while he was at work, he called. When I answered he said “Hey baby, just called to tell you I love you.” I soooo suck.
I’m too afraid to really talk about him for fear of Jinxing it. I did tell him a little of this and he says he understands but how long will he understand before my insecurities drive him away. I am trying really hard. I don’t call as much as I would like to, I don’t ask him where he’s going or when he’s coming back. I stopped asking him every week when he’s coming to Philly. I have been biting my tongue until I have left teeth print all over it to stop the litany of sarcasm from flowing out. I’m just doing my best to not self sabotage this before it even gets off the ground.
Pray for me, lol.
Love and Later days,