Monthly Archives: November 2012

Houston, we have a problem…

Here’s the thing.  I have dated so many douche bags that I am having trouble dealing with the new man in my life.  It doesn’t help that he lives in another city and since he has professed his undying love (not exaggerating for a change), I haven’t seen him because of his schedule and mine.  Not to mention since he  has told me, we have had to deal with Hurricane Sandy, my father’s death (that still looks so weird) and snow.  I need to see his face to read his body language.  I need to know whether this is lust or actual love.

Because of the aforementioned problem with douches, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When I don’t hear from him, I think he’s with another woman or has changed his mind about being with me or just finally noticed I’m a relationship retard.  I am waiting for him to “see behind the curtain” and run screaming for the hills.

He’s a really laid back guy and he listens (most of the time) very well.  We have great conversations but I have a bad habit of becoming a whiny, insecure girl whenever I am around someone I really like or have begun to love.  I hate that side of me and I am really trying to keep my cray cray in check but every now and again some slips out.  Case in point, yesterday morning he called, did I mention he calls every morning at 7:15 to wish me a good day and good morning? Anywho I digress, he called and we spoke briefly.  He told me he had to run because he had to take care of some business, what was my winning response, you ask? Call me when I become your business.  His, oh babe you are always my business but I have other things I need to take care of in between.  I wanted to kick myself in the teeth as soon as it came out of my mouth.   Later in the day while he was at work, he called.  When I answered he said “Hey baby, just called to tell you I love you.”  I soooo suck.

I’m too afraid to really talk about him for fear of Jinxing it.  I did tell him a little of this and he says he understands but how long will he understand before my insecurities drive him away.  I am trying really hard.  I don’t call as much as I would like to, I don’t ask him where he’s going or when he’s coming back.  I stopped asking him every week when he’s coming to Philly.  I have been biting my tongue until I have left teeth print all over it to stop the litany of sarcasm from flowing out.  I’m just doing my best to not self sabotage this before it even gets off the ground.

Pray for me, lol.

Love and Later days, 

-K

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In love???

You haven’t heard from me in a while for two reasons. One – my father passed away last week.  Everyone keeps waiting for me to freak but truthfully, my Dad passed away in 2007, back when he had the stroke that he never recovered from. I knew back then we would never play cards together again, go out for beers or share a joke, all that was left was my father. So his passing last week didn’t really come a big shock or maybe it did and I didn’t come down off it yet.

Then there’s number two – I just started seeing (not seeing) someone recently, it’s been about a month. I’m trying to figure out whether it’s real or not. He grew up with us and he told me last month that he has been in love with me for 10 years.

I talk to him everyday (as I always have). There have been no promises made, no plans. I know that I’m going to move to SC because my father was the only holding my family here. So I have no visions of granduer that he and I will live happily ever after. Just that I am happy. Happy right now, happy today. Between his schedule, Sandy and now snow, I don’t think I will see him anytime soon. Which sucks but it’s okay.

Love and later days,
-K