This is just who I am…

Do u know the hardest part about someone you love dying? The aftermath. All those ppl who were sending condolence cards and bringing u meals. They disappear after about a week. The ppl in your life who spoke to u in soft voices in fear of u breaking down and crying forever, they stop calling and coming by with nasty ass casseroles. They start to expect u to become u again. What they don’t know is when u lost the person u love, you also lost a piece of you.

My mood has been swinging back and forth between a “mock” happy and a crazy person. One minute I am okay the next I am pissed off or sad. The wonderful well wishers that are still around warn me daily to watch my mother because she may be next.

I haven’t really had a chance to grieve because I’m trying to wrap up my father’s affairs. To do that I have to wait for my guardianship to go through for my mother, which in Pennsylvania takes about 2 months. I have no money and the folks around me are always asking what’s taking so long because they are suddenly Probate Attorneys who’s specialty is in Elder Care Law.

It’s a pain in the ass. So excuse me for a moment if I am not myself. I promise u, for your convenience I will be back to normal in a moment because I see how my grieving is making u uncomfortable. Forgive me for being so selfish.

Love and Later Days,



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