I always wondered…

What it would feel like proceeding the move to Myrtle Beach. I don’t have to wonder anymore. I still don’t have an exact move date. But this isn’t like before. I knew I had a battle ahead with my father’s guardian. Now that he is deceased, I don’t have that battle ahead anymore.

Before while planning this move, I felt like most ppl do when they’re pondering what color to paint a room they never really use. You know u will paint it eventually but it’s not at the front of your mind. Something u have to do but eh, you’ll get it done.  Before it was something I hoped would eventually come to pass.

Now, I’m a ball of anxious.  I feel like I always do before a move. Times ten!  I wrote my exit strategy yesterday afternoon before I tried to cut off the tip of my thumb (blog for another day, smfh). The list right now has about 50+ things on it I still need to do.  Did I mention I have begun planning my house warming party for the apartment I have yet to find or furnish, lol (don’t look like that, I’m not crazy).

Those of you that are new readers don’t know but I am an anal planner. I plan Every detail of my life and then… I make a backup plan, then a backup for the back up plan.  I only make plans when I’m getting ready to make moves and boy am I getting ready to make some life altering plans.  Changes are about to happen big time. I know who I am keeping in my life and who has to go. They’re gone and just don’t know it yet.

It feels like a weight was lifted with every line I wrote on my list. I’m also practicing saying no and meaning it.  I am a great friend, a wonderful woman and unfortunately I have too much empathy.  I try to help others as long as it doesn’t/didn’t take from my kids or my parents. Even if sometimes it took away from me. Since my dad died (still getting used to saying that) I have felt an even bigger need to protect my dad’s girls now more than ever, which also means taking care of me.

Long time readers know I am always seeking me.  Always trying to figure me out. Long time readers know since I was 17, I have been taking care of everyone but me…and that lately, I have begun looking out for me too and making moves in my life not just for the betterment of my family but now for me as well.  I am becoming happier with every new selfish whim. There has been things I have done in 2012 I would never have done before unless my family benefited from it as well but now with every new invitation my oldest receives from colleges and the more I have to tell my youngest daughter to get off the phone, the more selfish decisions I make. When I say, selfish I just mean they don’t have any effect on my family one way or the other and man, it feels good.

Love and later days,

-K

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s