I have heard of the “Seven stages of grief” but I didn’t much believe in them until my dad passed. I have been feeling them all just out of order. Sometimes all at once.
On the days that the anger creeps in, watch out and if I have internet access, WORLD watch out. I put up a few statuses that were highly inappropriate, mean and petty geared toward my family. Knowing it would piss them off because I have been feeling hurt by them since all of this happened. At the time I posted them, they made me feel better but in the light of day, I felt petty and felt like I had stoop to their level. I ended up being madder at myself than at them.
Because of the way I have been behaving I have chosen to stay away from FB and to just get my affairs in order to leave Philly and put all of this behind me. My grief will go with me but I will deal with it better down there with day to day adjustment tasks to do.
I have also started meditating again. It helps me focus and it helps me feel closer to God, who I have been feeling distant from for a while now. I gotta get my shit together before I unravel altogether. Mostly because I have too much idle time on my hands. I’ll fix that, I process my feelings better when my hands are busy.
I will do my best to get through this in a way that shows respect for my mother and father. I just really wish assholes would stay away and use the their teeth as a cage for their tongues (in other words guard their tongues, lol). That’s not going to happen I know so I am going to just “woo sah” and try to get it together.
Love and later days,