Good Morning my lovies… No, no one has not decided to place good ole Kay some nice meds, not to make fun of anyone on them because sometimes u need a little medicinal assistance (not weed folks), hell I did after my separation from my husband at the ripe old age of 20 but I digress.
I took a day off yesterday. My oldest cared for my mother all day, with the exception of changing her. I was able to pretty much take it easy. When I couldn’t find my cellphone (which I found out was on vibrate this morning), I took it as an omen. When I heard my house phone ring, I let it ring, when ppl knocked on my door I didn’t answer. It was like the good old days. Back when I didn’t have to answer the phone or door. When no one had a key to my house but it’s occupants. Back then I didn’t have to answer the phone or door except when I wanted company and not because I was afraid it was a call about or for one of my parents. I had peace all day yesterday.
When I took this, long overdue, day off yesterday how did the ppl around me take it? Well around 3pm my oldest asked to go visit with her girlfriend for a while. She was back by 5:30pm. My youngest laid around watching tv, as did my mother and my mobile rang off the hook. I saw this morning I had 23 missed calls and the house phone drove my youngest so crazy, she took the phone off the hook around 9 or 10pm until after midnight.
Don’t I deserve a break or quiet time? What if I was busy with my mom all day. Did anyone think of that? Why do ppl feel like I have to answer my phone? I could see if these calls were an emergency,which even if they were, what could I do without someone to watch my mother? These calls were basically “hey, call me back” or “what are you doing today”. Nothing Earth shattering, hell no one had a baby yesterday, shit no one’s dog even had puppies. I got some shitty and sarcastic text and vm messages about me not answering the phone. Funny, no one gives a fuck about me answering my phone when the bill has been past due and it was shut the hell off. No one called repeatedly or came by during those times recently. Ppl were actually hoping I didn’t call them because I might be calling to borrow some money to turn it back on.
My crazy neighbor has been AWOL so I got piece from her drama. My sister found a new apartment, peace on that front and my Aunt, who I’ve been assisting with a court case… well I missed her calls while my phone was on vibrate. Ah, sweet and glorious peace.
It’s a shame the only time I have gotten the type of peace and quiet I got yesterday has only been available to me when I would leave home. Isn’t that something, having to leave your own home to get peace and quiet. Back when I could leave my mom in charge of the kids for a couple of days, 2012 only held 7 (scattered) days like that… Seven days out of 365 were quiet and peaceful, that’s sad. The other truly sad things was I wasn’t running away from my family, just the ppl in my life who bought drama and noise to it. The same ppl who could careless about what is going in with me, are always telling me their problems.
Judging by my text and vm messages, there are a bunch of pissed off folks waiting to talk to me. Well they’re going to have to build a bridge and get over it because I’m not taking any shit today. Any passive-aggressive behavior, sarcasm or attitude will result in “dropped calls” or dial tone. I meant what I said (oh, sorry I didn’t post those blogs) I’m moving to SC to take my life back and I might as well start in Philly. I knew I had to set boundaries and limits for ppl in my life but I never realized how many until yesterday. Because I have needed ppl’s help (a lot) in 2012, I have been letting ppl walk all over my life and just kind of wipe their feet on it. I couldn’t be mean or my normal straight forward self because I needed these ppl to help my family. No more. Not that I don’t still need them but I hate this shit. I’m miserable, my kids are miserable and did I mention I fucking hate it! It has also permeated my life in other places where it wasn’t necessary to take ppl’s shit. The result? I was a whining, heavy drinking, non sleeping, mess. Fuck it. No more, I’m feeling more like me again these days, you know why? Because I am being more like me these days.
So anyone calling, texting or coming here with their bullshit hat on, good luck. Lmao. Because Kay, will be answering. My Grandma used to say, “be careful knocking on the devil’s door because eventually someone is going to answer.”
Love and Later Days,