I was afraid for a little while not to long ago, that I was becoming an alcoholic. And not the smooth Dean Martin and the Rat Pack type but the wake up in jail, “what happened” Dean Martin in Rio Bravo type. I just wasn’t handling the pressure of all that was hoof on too well. I could make excuses for it but at the end of the day it was all me… It didn’t help that I had someone in my life at the time that supported my bad behavior. If I wanted to stop drinking for a few days, clear my head (oh yeah, it was that bad… Had to take days off from drinking like it was a 9-5), try to get a hold on what was going on… Here she’d come with a bottle or bottles. She was like that lady at work, you tell her you’re going on a diet Monday and she comes to your desk with cookies at lunch and tell you she forgot about your diet.
The other thing was I couldn’t shake her, she’d be at my house early in the morning banging on my door screaming my name from my porch, ready for the crazy part? She had a key to my house so she didn’t need to act like that… She was always around, always had some type of drama and when she didn’t wake up with drama, she created her own, going as far as to pick fights with her daughters. I can’t think of one day I’ve known her that there was peace in her life. All that crazy can get to you.
Eventually I got my key back and she moved off the block about two months later but it’s funny how at the time her insanity was going on I didn’t notice. As long as I had her noise, it was like alcohol, I didn’t have to think with it around. Once I removed her from my life, things settled considerably and started moving in the right direction.
Quiet days, like this morning, are the best. I took them for granted, I will do my best not to do it again.
Love and Later Days,