Monthly Archives: September 2013

Getting offline and the first date…

How many times have you gotten an email from a guy online and all it says is Hi or it just includes a “form letter”? You’re wondering why’d he even bother, why couldn’t he say more than that? It’s because it’s hard as hell to talk to someone you don’t know, it’s even harder when you haven’t met them in person. 

Online all you know is whether or not you find the person attractive, if they can spell and if they know the difference between their/there/they’re and your/you’re.  In person you feel the chemistry. You can gauge their humor by their body language when you tell a joke. You can discuss things in your surroundings to bridge the gap if you have bouts of silence.  The best part is, in person you can gauge if your date finds you attractive too. 

Now that I have pointed out the obvious (and given a small English lesson), I’ll tell you how to get pass the “Awkwards” (that’s what I call the first 10 email exchanges).  First, if all you get is a “Hi” email, go to his profile and look up his information.  See how many children he has (or don’t).  His status, married/widowed/separated/single/divorce. His career choice (although I never bring up work), education, etc…  Now you’re ready to respond.  Say “hi” back.  Ask him about anything in his profile.  Stay away from vague questions like… what do you like to do for fun? Stay away from stupid questions like Why are you single? or Why are you dating online? These types of questions are dead end questions and leave you floundering for another question. Instead ask something specific. Rather than What do you do for fun? Ask him something like Do you like action movies? His answer gives you room for a follow up question and that can lead to a date. For instance if he says yes, you can say… I wanted to see the new Vin Diesel movie. If he says no, you can follow up with Okay, what type of movie do you like? The thing is, men are accused of not communicating, that simply isn’t true.  Men will talk if they’re familiar or comfortable with the topic at hand. Find a common ground.  It doesn’t have to be sports or cars.  I know a lot about both topics and trust me, less men than you may realize know about either topic. 

Okay so now you’re going on your date.  What to do and where to go.  I don’t suggest going out for coffee or out for drinks on the first date. Too much coffee you come off wack a doo, too much wine, you might show him a little too much of you.

I personally prefer interactive dates like arcades or bowling, however, I like to learn his personality before we go on those types of dates because I don’t like playing with sore losers or lousy winners (the guy who has a loser dance or brags about winning beer pong or foosball like it’s the Superbowl). The first date I usually like to go to a movie or to hear live music. Afterward I like to go to dinner.

With music or a movie first if there is a lull in conversation we have something to talk about.  I usually don’t order anything more than appetizers and I always take a cab or my own car.  This way if the date is a dud we don’t have that awkward ride home.  I also don’t ride in cars with strangers.  I love when it feels like I never want the date to end but I don’t stay out past ten on a week night (folks gotta work) and never past midnight on a weekend. I don’t want a guy to get the impression we’re doing any bike riding until I think he’s trustworthy.

I also stay away from deep conversations until we get a good feel for each other. No talk of politics, religion or sex (unless I plan on engaging in sex that day). Stay light.  Flirt… I think actually that’s one of my favorite parts of being a girl.  The flirting.  I like twirling my hair around my finger. Crossing my legs, when they’re visible (like when I’m sitting on a couch or sitting at a bar top table). I like the attention I get from flirting.  I feel sexy and alive.  Trust me, I love my mother but changing her Depends and washing her up doesn’t make me feel sexy, neither does being a single mom.

Well that’s all for now, hope you found this useful.  Maybe my next blog will be about the art of flirting.  It’ll depend on the comments.

Good Luck, Happy Hunting…

Love and Later Days,

-K

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Now I remember why…

I always dated older men. In my twenties I dated men in their 40s. In my early thirties, I started dating men closer to my age, sometimes even younger.

I date older men because they usually have their shit together.  A man 20 yrs older than me normally has grown children and his parents have usually died.

What difference does that make? More time, more money and his only responsibly is to himself.  That means he can travel, court me (yes I said court), and has less “family” issues.  The down side, older men don’t really like to go out much and they don’t like to have sex as long or as much as I do and sometimes because they only have to worry about themselves, they tend to be selfish and pushy.  If they have kids they also have a tendency to treat you like a child and sometimes they’re a bit insecure because of the difference in age.

The upside, they constantly encourage you, they’re attentive, they appreciate good food, good music and quiet.  They appreciate a good woman because they have dated enough bad ones and gold diggers.  Did I mention normally drama free.  Their “yeses” mean “yes” and their “nos” mean “no”. They usually have the patience of JOB and their wardrobe consists of more than jeans.

Don’t get me wrong, there are wanna be players and old Mr. Youngs running around with Peter Pan syndrome but most of them you can smell before you see them. 

There are two right now buzzing around. One I’m not all that into… I think he’s trying to take me to church.  I wouldn’t mind if I knew him better but because I don’t, it unnerves me when he brings it up.  Sex, politics and my religious beliefs are private parts of me that I only like to share when I’m comfortable with someone.  I feel like he’s jumping the gun a little.  The other guy is kind of nice.  He did try the internet version of a very old and corny pick up line.  He wanted to know if he knew me from another site. He wants to meet, I’m not really ready for that yet. He has some business out of town this weekend so he wants to meet this week.  Maybe next week. 

When he asked me out, it reminded me why I like older guys.  He knew what day he wanted to go out.  Where he wanted to go, he sent me directions and the link to the place’s website.  It’s a place between our homes but he offered to come to a place that’s closer to my house if necessary.  He has three kids. Two in their twenties and his youngest is the age of my oldest.  I told him I’d let him know tmrw.  I probably won’t go but I like his enthusiasm. 
I’ll keep you posted.  I have to talk with him more to get a nickname for him.

Well I have to tweet my tweethearts before I go to bed.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Pride cometh before the fall or does it…

I had and still have a big problem with asking for help. Because of this difficulty, it has made me a very strong woman. Which is good because you have to be a strong woman to be a single parent.  However it made shit a whole lot more difficult than necessary after my father passed away last year. 

I say all of this as a setup (of course).  I used to go out with this guy. We broke up because he was bossy and never knew how to keep shit between us. We had a mutual “friend”.  This “friend” had a thing for the guy and had for years.  The feeling wasn’t/isn’t  mutual because… wait for it… she was too bossy for him and couldn’t keep shit to herself.  Funny, I know, but true.  This guy was/is a Minister (I’ll wait while you try to picture it). I met him years ago through my exhusband and has been friends with him for years. Oh didn’t I mention, my exhusband was a Pastor. Okay now you’re being ridiculous, get off the floor it’s not that amazing. Anywhosal for this particular rant we will call him Preach. 

There were obviously other problems with me and Preach but the fact that he ran his mouth like an old woman at a sewing circle, drove me nuts.

Okay already tying loose ends up now.  Recently I called Preach to ask for his assistance (I even hate to say the “H” word).  The mutual friend came to me and told me about our conversation as soon as she got off from work.  Soon as she leaves he calls me on the phone and tells me when he will bring over what I asked for and informs me he’s only doing it because he wants to see me again.  Sidebar – I saw him three months ago at a wake.  He wanted to take me out to dinner or lunch the following week and I have been either ducking him or giving an excuse for the last few months.

Back to the matter at hand. A year ago, if he would have said that to me my pride, which is the size of Mt Rushmore, would have made me tell him to fuck off with written instruction on how to accomplish such a task.  These days, it not that I don’t have pride or that I put it down sometimes, it’s I have learned the difference between pride and stupidity.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I’m need a remedial class for Twitter …

Please don’t laugh.  I have been using Twitter for years but it was a sporadic thing.  I even deleted my account and had to create a new one at one point.   I tweeted maybe every few months maybe less. About once a year at one point.

Over the last year I have gone from tweeting several times a year to several times a day.  I now tweet via my smart phone, rather than my laptop, which means when new features appear, I don’t get a tutorial like when you upgrade from a computer.  Now I have no more of an  idea what some of the features are, than wtf they’re trying to say in these new stupid Burlington Coat Factory commercials.  Like wth is this damn “blue line” connecting two tweets.

Damn, I hope I won’t have to go any further than having to Google or Bing these damn features because I know damn well there is a “Twitter for Dummies” book out there some where and I refuse to buy it, not that I don’t need it, it’s just the principle.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Two types of responses and I’m not interested in either …

Another thing slowly becoming a pet peeve of mine, and almost tied for first place with text with grammar and spelling errors, shitty email responses.

Not in the sense that they are mean or sarcastic but in the sense, there is no thought put into them at all. I send you a nice intro email, “Hi my name is Kay, I read your profile and I think it would be great to get to know you better. Tell me, when was the last time you went snowboarding/read a good book/ went to Napa (That part is edited depending on whatever it is you said you do for fun).  I close with something like, “hope to hear from u -K”.  After all of that energy I put into writing you I get “hi” or a damn “form” letter.  You know what I mean, the one that is prewritten and he just inserts your name. 

Why does this bother me? How am I to start a conversation with that?  At first I would think they weren’t interested, then later that day or the next I get another email. It says something like, “can I get your number to text you?”.  W-T-F.  It makes it hard for me to get to the “I wanna meet you stage”, mainly because I’m a girl, damn it.  Chase me.  I want to be pursued, feel wanted and sexy.  I’m not chasing a guy down in real life or online.

Okay, I’m  done (I think).

Love and Later Days,

-K

Viewing dates through dork colored glasses…

If these guys would really take a good look at their profiles most of them wouldn’t put them up. 

I’m thirty-six, so my dating range is 35 – 50.  In that age bracket I don’t want to see profile pics with grown ass men in wife beaters and sagging jeans with work boats on. I want to see pics of grown ass men doing grown men things. Not a bunch of bar shots.  Can’t I see a pic of you at a wedding (preferably not his), a picture of you on a cruise or maybe bowling. Grown people things.

While we’re on the subject of grown men. Women, you need to pimp your game up.  If one more guy asks to come to my house and “chill” or talks about a buffet or restaurant that has a 2 for $20 or $6.99 meal like they’re talking about a five star restaurant, I will scream!  Why did I say women? Because if so many of you would stop making it so easy on these men, I wouldn’t have to work so hard.

Ok done ranting. Goodnight good ppl.  Happy hunting…

Love and Later Days,

-K

Should I be concerned?

New message in my inbox: “I’m a naughty boy… Speed Rocks… I like fast cars… and the feeling of danger…”

How does someone respond to that? “Um…ok”.

Where do they find these people? And why do they think he’s an 86% match to my profile? My tagline isn’t “die young, leave a pretty corpse.”

Love and Later Days,

-K

I sent Ashton Kutcher a tweet…

I wanted to know if I’m being Punk’d.  For the past month my fb inbox has looked like the ghost of boyfriends past. Only one missing is Bus Boy because the day he uses fb, hell will truly have frozen over. 

You would be so proud of me. I told every single one to “fuck off”, without actually using those words or being a shit. I even inquired about their families, wished them the best, but let them know I wanted them to continue to stay out of my life.

I’m breathing baby. Inhale the future, exhale the past and embracing the present. They are Exs for a reason and I don’t care to revisit the reasoning.

In past relationships I have given so much of myself, I damn near turned myself inside out. I received slim or no support, lies and bullshit for my troubles.  I promised myself this year to be more selfish. I always worry about hurting others, yet they have no regard for me or my feelings unless it benefits them. Screw them and u know what it felt good to tell those assholes to take a walk.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Guys truly only hear/see what they want to…

Funny how I say exactly what I’m looking for, the type of man I want to date and I get complete opposites who reply to my profile.  Either they’re delusional or just decide “wtf” let me try my luck.

I had some guy tell me he didn’t know what I was doing on the site because every guy on there was a loser. He either didn’t think to exclude himself or was letting me know what he thought of himself. My grandmother always said, “never deny a person when they tell u who they are.

Later today I got another message from him, it said something like, “Bella, are we going to get to know each other or are you going to continue spending time with these losers?”. I tell him no and tbh he comes across a little condescending and I wished him luck in his search.  He says you too with these losers! All caps. I would like to meet the guy who’s telling these guys that if you’re shitty to women, they’re more attracted to you. I want to find him and punch him in the face. 

In other news… Tips for the ladies, I got this Patti Stanger. When posting pics to your profile, make sure you put in a few body shots. All the headshot pics make it look like your hiding something.

Happy hunting.

Love and Later Days,

-K