Getting offline and the first date…

How many times have you gotten an email from a guy online and all it says is Hi or it just includes a “form letter”? You’re wondering why’d he even bother, why couldn’t he say more than that? It’s because it’s hard as hell to talk to someone you don’t know, it’s even harder when you haven’t met them in person. 

Online all you know is whether or not you find the person attractive, if they can spell and if they know the difference between their/there/they’re and your/you’re.  In person you feel the chemistry. You can gauge their humor by their body language when you tell a joke. You can discuss things in your surroundings to bridge the gap if you have bouts of silence.  The best part is, in person you can gauge if your date finds you attractive too. 

Now that I have pointed out the obvious (and given a small English lesson), I’ll tell you how to get pass the “Awkwards” (that’s what I call the first 10 email exchanges).  First, if all you get is a “Hi” email, go to his profile and look up his information.  See how many children he has (or don’t).  His status, married/widowed/separated/single/divorce. His career choice (although I never bring up work), education, etc…  Now you’re ready to respond.  Say “hi” back.  Ask him about anything in his profile.  Stay away from vague questions like… what do you like to do for fun? Stay away from stupid questions like Why are you single? or Why are you dating online? These types of questions are dead end questions and leave you floundering for another question. Instead ask something specific. Rather than What do you do for fun? Ask him something like Do you like action movies? His answer gives you room for a follow up question and that can lead to a date. For instance if he says yes, you can say… I wanted to see the new Vin Diesel movie. If he says no, you can follow up with Okay, what type of movie do you like? The thing is, men are accused of not communicating, that simply isn’t true.  Men will talk if they’re familiar or comfortable with the topic at hand. Find a common ground.  It doesn’t have to be sports or cars.  I know a lot about both topics and trust me, less men than you may realize know about either topic. 

Okay so now you’re going on your date.  What to do and where to go.  I don’t suggest going out for coffee or out for drinks on the first date. Too much coffee you come off wack a doo, too much wine, you might show him a little too much of you.

I personally prefer interactive dates like arcades or bowling, however, I like to learn his personality before we go on those types of dates because I don’t like playing with sore losers or lousy winners (the guy who has a loser dance or brags about winning beer pong or foosball like it’s the Superbowl). The first date I usually like to go to a movie or to hear live music. Afterward I like to go to dinner.

With music or a movie first if there is a lull in conversation we have something to talk about.  I usually don’t order anything more than appetizers and I always take a cab or my own car.  This way if the date is a dud we don’t have that awkward ride home.  I also don’t ride in cars with strangers.  I love when it feels like I never want the date to end but I don’t stay out past ten on a week night (folks gotta work) and never past midnight on a weekend. I don’t want a guy to get the impression we’re doing any bike riding until I think he’s trustworthy.

I also stay away from deep conversations until we get a good feel for each other. No talk of politics, religion or sex (unless I plan on engaging in sex that day). Stay light.  Flirt… I think actually that’s one of my favorite parts of being a girl.  The flirting.  I like twirling my hair around my finger. Crossing my legs, when they’re visible (like when I’m sitting on a couch or sitting at a bar top table). I like the attention I get from flirting.  I feel sexy and alive.  Trust me, I love my mother but changing her Depends and washing her up doesn’t make me feel sexy, neither does being a single mom.

Well that’s all for now, hope you found this useful.  Maybe my next blog will be about the art of flirting.  It’ll depend on the comments.

Good Luck, Happy Hunting…

Love and Later Days,

-K

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