Trying to get motivated…

I have about 45 days to 8 weeks before I get out of this situation. I haven’t blogged about all that has been going on with me but after I finish weathering this storm, I will tell you everything that’s been going on.  That blog has been written and it is titled “You’re going to need a drink for this…”, I want to share it with you because life is about being knocked down.  When I get knocked down again I want to have it on hand to remind me just how bad this time was, sigh. 

Anywhosal, I’m trying to get motivated for my next steps. I have gained about 40lbs and they have to go. I can’t afford a personal trainer or liposuction and I’m too small for gastric bypass. I believe your outside reflects how you feel on the inside.  That being said, how I look on the outside can change the way I feel on the inside.  If I drop some weight and go back to wearing makeup, it should lift my spirits (fingers crossed).  So I need to get my fat ass on the floor and knock out my situps.  I need to eat better and at the same times.  I also have to stop trying to sleep through all this crazy.  I really don’t want to be bothered with this crazy so I shut down. I take care of my mother and the kids but not myself.  I started dating again to try and get over this hump. The date kinda sucked but I got back out there.  I have been hanging out with someone close to me and her boyfriend but that’s more because she lives close enough that I can go there and get back here in under a minute. It’s an escape because I don’t want to be where I am right now, trust me, no one would want to be. 

If I can just get motivated and get moving I will do better. I will feel better. I’m waiting on paperwork but I forgot to ask when I should expect the paperwork and for a contact number to inquire about the paperwork.  So I spend my days stalking the mailman, when the mail comes and it’s not there, it takes everything to keep me from going back to bed.

Pray I shake this feeling off, I just want everything to be okay. I hate this state of purgatory I’ve been in for the last two years. I just want to be free to act my age. 45 more days.

Love and Later Days,

-K

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