So I went out with the Mechanic, and I have seen him a couple of times since then, but I’m seeing red flags pop up here and there. It’s beginning to bother me, it’s bothering me so much that when he asked me out for lunch today, I canceled. Yeah I know, me cancel on free food and cocktails. We had a conversation the other day that was very enlightening. As per usual I enjoyed our conversation… his directness, his humor and his thoughtfulness. I also appreciate his ability to listen and respond thoughtfully. I know, I know, where are the red flags? For one, I swore he told me he was divorced. That isn’t the case, he “says” he’s going to mediation with the ex next month to finally conclude the divorce. If I knew he was this newly single, I would have never dated him. He has been married for over twenty years. There are still a lot of raw emotions there. You can’t love someone for twenty years and there not be a possibility of backsliding. I may have gotten the impression that he was divorced because he refers to her as his ex-wife. RED FLAG number one.
Then this weekend I was supposed to get baptized again, it didn’t happen (a story for another blog perhaps), so I called him when I got in from church yesterday. He answered and said he would call right back he was moving boxes. Ok, right? He calls back immediately, when I answer he says again, I’ll call you right back but this time quietly. I figured he pocket dialed me on that call. No problem, right? Then I get a third call, in this one it sounds as if he’s about to give the “mistress tone”, you know the one, you’ve probably heard it about a million times in movies. The tone that’s given to the needy mistress who calls during dinner, it’s normally accompanied by this statement “I’m with my family right now, you know not to call me at home.” The one Dennis Haysbert gave to Whitney Houston in Waiting to Exhale when they were sitting pool side that caused him to get a drink in his lap. yeah that tone. He caught himself and just decided to remind me that he was spending time with his grand kids, they were having dinner at his mother in laws house with the Pastor of his church and he couldn’t talk, it also didn’t go over well that he (supposedly) has my number saved in his phone as “Kay, his future lady”. hmmm fishy much? RED FLAG number two!
My theory is he’s not separated from his wife, they were at his mother in law’s house and my name did show up on the phone, just not the way he said and he told them I was a client. Doing this allowed him to sneak off into another room and briefly call me back. The other red flag I’m getting is he never calls me at night. The latest he’s ever called has been at 9:30 pm and that was because he was on his way home from some where. Other than that I only have received calls from his cellphone and only during his working hours, even when we went out he left from work and met me at a restaurant.
Now I’m sitting here in the dark deciding what to do, I’m thinking of calling him on it. I know a lot of folks only use mobile devices and don’t have land-lines in their homes but generally not at his age, he’s in the generation that’s still afraid to order stuff online. So I really can’t see him having a mobile and not a land-line, if for nothing else but in case of emergency. Down here we have a lot of storms during this time of the year, electric and mobile devices get knocked out all the time. I even have a land-line (even though I don’t have a phone connected to it) because the last storm we had knocked out our cell phones.
I’m going to bring this to his attention and turn on my bullshit meter, if he has an explanation, I’ll leave it alone. If not, I’m going to get out of it before I get in too deep. I’m going to be straight with him and tell him I have been hurt and used in the past, not to the extent that I hide in bushes and follow men around but to the extent that if I smell a rat, I’m out of there. That will give him ample warning, that way he’ll know why I stop answering his calls if the shit doesn’t add up.
Love and Later Days,