Before my fellow SATC fans think this post is going to bash my beloved show, let me start by saying That is not the case. I have been watching the SATC marathon that has been running on cable recently, for those of you who have never watched the show, it is about women between the ages of their early 30s to their 40s. I loved that show and although I was in my earlier 20s when the show began, I could identify with each character.
I think as women, we have all been through the stories depicted on the show weekly. Everything from looking for Mr. Right (Charlotte), Running from relationships (Samantha), Raising a baby alone, trying to maintain other relationships and work (Miranda) and Being totally insecure and neurotic about every relationship (Carrie).
The one relationship that troubled me was the unhealthy one between Carrie and John (Mr. Big). They were together and then broke up, got back together and broke up. Cheated on significant others with each other. Broke up, told significant others and were dumped, to end up (after a couple of more relationship) together and (as we find out in the movie) they later marry.
The main problem (because there are many) with Carrie and Mr. Big was Carrie was ALWAYS seeking approval and validation for her relationship with him from her friends. She probably wouldn’t have even ended up with Mr. Big if it weren’t for him going to
the coven her girlfriends and getting their blessing before going to Paris to “bring their girl home”. Even when it came time to marry him. She was happily in a monogamous relationship with Mr. Big, he bought her a Penthouse condo for them to cohabit, when her shitty girlfriends told her he could one day fall out of love with her and then kick her out of the condo after she decorates it and makes it a home. Basically, pissing in her Cheerios. She runs to Mr. Big, tells him their her fears and he proposes, sort of.
When it’s time for the wedding, (being the people pleasing person she has always been) she turns their wedding into a circus. He gets angry because it’s not what he wanted and leaves her standing at the alter (sort of). (Spoiler alert) They do, however, end up getting married in the end after a whole lot more bullshit. The point I was making is, women watch these shows like SATC and characters like Carrie Bradshaw. The truth is they’re the exception to the rule. ROMCOM’s want us to believe if we hang in there and put up with our partner’s BS, insecurities and selfishness, and leave the bum at the precise moment, our partner will stop taking us for granted, realize they can never live without us and we live happily ever after. If I had a penny for every time I tested that theory out in my 20s, I could buy and sell Donald Trump about a hundred times.
The truth is, if your partner is an ass, more than likely they will always be an ass because there is always someone out there who will put up with their crap. There won’t be any life altering incidents occurring to make them see how horribly they have treated you, causing them to make a grand gesture to win you back, propose marriage and give you the life you dreamed of. If in fact any of those things do happen, your gonna realize the best thing you did for your relationship was break up with the loser.
I say all that to say. If your with someone who makes you cry more than laugh let them go, life is too short. Stop trying to figure out what could’ve been done differently because more than likely there was nothing to do differently because that person was never yours to begin with… if the person doesn’t love the fact that you snort when you laugh, doesn’t like the way you behave, cheats on you constantly or is immature, unlike sitcoms in 30 mins they won’t change for you.
That’s all, putting my soapbox away.
Love and Later Days,