Monthly Archives: August 2014

Working out is hard to do!!!

I can’t believe I’m having problems making working out part of my normal lifestyle again.  I danced ballet, tap and jazz for 20+ years, I was used to dancing three or four times a week for each class and from 7am to 3pm.  Practicing new routines for hours on end daily.  I danced all the way up to my 6th month of my pregnancy with my oldest daughter (17, ALMOST 18 years), I actually performed in a Play that ran for a week including two matinées on both Saturday and Sunday. 

During high school, I ran cross country. After my divorce, I just stopped, I did run again after that on and off for years. .. Now I can’t get my motor running again. I’ve tried and I’m trying again.  I did Zumba, I liked it but my playstation 3 stopped working and I gave up.  I tried running again and my treadmill died, it’s like the fitness gods hate me.

I’m trying to get started again with Julianne Michaels.  It’s a six week program, I’m hoping to see some type of difference.  I have back fat, BACK FAT!  I have cellulite on my legs, um ew. 

I’m trying to lose 40 to 60lbs.  I have moved to this beautiful beach city and I want to put on a bathing suit this season.  I picture myself on the beach, hair flowing and enjoying the sun.  I don’t need to be in a two piece bathing (although I would love to be in one), a bathing suit that I just feel comfortable in would be great.  A pair of jeans that I feel good in that aren’t too tight or too loose.  A shirt that I can pull down that isn’t hanging off of me or keeps rolling up my stomach.  I hate that I look like I’m three months pregnant.  I feel good when I look good.  I have never been in a position which I don’t look good in anything I put on.

Let’s hope I can do this, I mean my father used to say “I try means, I’ll fail”.  So no trying… just doing.

Let’s get this party started.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I’m back and I have a boyfriend…

Well I know you thought I fell of the face of the Earth but I did not… I have started a great new relationship with Raleigh and it is so great he is relocating here to Myrtle Beach to be closer to me and the kids.

I want you to know that isn’t why I stopped blogging, I stopped blogging because of WP’s stupid ass update that had all my blogs drafted locally to my phone.  The problem is now fixed (I think) and all is right with the world, lol  🙂

So I will not bore you with the details of what has gotten me to girlfriend status but I will say he is a great guy.  He has truly become my best friend and we are good for each other.  We talk everyday.  He is sweet, supportive, funny, God Fearing, loving, affectionate and great at the groovey stuff 😉

He visits often but only for the weekend but believe it or not it isn’t a hindrance or strain to our relationship.  We have private jokes and my kids love him.  Before he permanently relocates here, I will be going there to meet his family.

All I can say is my life is more amazing with him in it.  He is who I have been praying for, I’m not going to lie, at the beginning of the relationship I was waiting for the other shoe to drop sidebar- the post you just saw, titled “I did it”, has been sitting on my phone for couple of months. So don’t think I just saw him and all of this is going down.  Anywhosal… he sent me two cards created in which he wrote me love letters and FED Ex’d them and a CD to my home… it was a Mother’s Day card and a Valentine’s Day card.  Sweet but odd I know, at first.  When I called to thank him, he told me he was sorry it took him 37yrs to find me but he planned to spend the rest of his life making it up to me… the two cards for the missed Holidays was just the beginning, okay you can say it… awwww.

We text and talk like teenagers when he’s not here and make out like teenagers when he is here…

I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend 🙂

Just because I have found my Mr. Right For Me” doesn’t mean you are off the hook… I still have plenty of soapboxes stored up, there is far more shit in the world, besides online dating, that pisses me off. Plus, I know you’re gonna want to know how this all plays out whether this is my Happily ever after or if it will crash and burn.  So… To Be Continued and as always…

Love and Later Days,

-K

You’re not Carrie Bradshaw…

Before my fellow SATC fans think this post is going to bash my beloved show, let me start by saying That is not the case. I have been watching the SATC marathon that has been running on cable recently, for those of you who have never watched the show, it is about women between the ages of their early 30s to their 40s.  I loved that show and although I was in my earlier 20s when the show began, I could identify with each character.  

I think as women, we have all been through the stories depicted on the show weekly.  Everything from looking for Mr. Right (Charlotte), Running from relationships (Samantha), Raising a baby alone, trying to maintain other relationships and work (Miranda) and Being totally insecure and neurotic about every relationship (Carrie).

The one relationship that troubled me was the unhealthy one between Carrie and John (Mr. Big). They were together and then broke up, got back together and broke up.  Cheated on significant others with each other.  Broke up, told significant others and were dumped, to end up (after a couple of more relationship) together and (as we find out in the movie) they later marry.  

The main problem (because there are many) with Carrie and Mr. Big was Carrie was ALWAYS seeking approval and validation for her relationship with him from her friends.  She probably wouldn’t have even ended up with Mr. Big if it weren’t for him going to the coven her girlfriends and getting their blessing before going to Paris to “bring their girl home”.  Even when it came time to marry him.  She was happily in a monogamous relationship with Mr. Big, he bought her a Penthouse condo for them to cohabit, when her shitty girlfriends told her he could one day fall out of love with her and then kick her out of the condo after she decorates it and makes it a home. Basically, pissing in her Cheerios.  She runs to Mr. Big, tells him their her fears and he proposes, sort of.  

When it’s time for the wedding, (being the people pleasing person she has always been) she turns their wedding into a circus.   He gets angry because it’s not what he wanted and leaves her standing at the alter (sort of). (Spoiler alert) They do, however, end up getting married in the end after a whole lot more bullshit.   The point I was making is, women watch these shows like SATC and characters like Carrie Bradshaw. The truth is they’re the exception to the rule. ROMCOM’s want us to believe if we hang in there and put up with our partner’s BS, insecurities and selfishness, and leave the bum at the precise moment, our partner will stop taking us for granted, realize they can never live without us and we live happily ever after.  If I had a penny for every time I tested that theory out in my 20s, I could buy and sell Donald Trump about a hundred times.  

The truth is, if your partner is an ass, more than likely they will always be an ass because there is always someone out there who will put up with their crap. There won’t be any life altering incidents occurring to make them see how horribly they have treated you, causing them to make a grand gesture to win you back, propose marriage and give you the life you dreamed of.  If in fact any of those things do happen, your gonna realize the best thing you did for your relationship was break up with the loser. 

I say all that to say. If your with someone who makes you cry more than laugh let them go, life is too short. Stop trying to figure out what could’ve been done differently because more than likely there was nothing to do differently because that person was never yours to begin with… if the person doesn’t love the fact that you snort when you laugh, doesn’t like the way you behave, cheats on you constantly or is immature, unlike sitcoms in 30 mins they won’t change for you.

That’s all, putting my soapbox away.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I did it…

Not that you pervs. I met Raleigh in person. No catfish here, he wasn’t a serial killer or an axe murderer. He was a complete gentleman and he followed my lead in the PDA department. We had a great weekend and I was really sad to see him go.  I know you’re waiting for it… the other shoe to drop. Well he’s pessimistic.  He has had shitty relationships and because of it he is constantly waiting for this to blow up in his face.  He often asks what I see in him or worries about me ditching him and all the reassurance in the world isn’t working.  He’s so worried about pushing me away, that he’s pushing me away.

I’m trying not to get frustrated or annoyed but it is really bugging me.  We’re like the episode of SaTC when Adian and Carey first start dating and she keeps wondering what’s wrong with him. Only with Raleigh, he’s always worries he’s going to say or do something wrong. 

Being the sole caregiver of two sick parents for over a decade teaches you to Carpe Diem. My life literally changes in an instant, daily. Because of this I don’t worry about what happens next, so this causes conflict in our relationship. His visit has actually made this worse because it has taken the distance from hypothetical to actual.  It has made me a living breathing person that he cares about.  Thankfully he isn’t worrying about me finding someone else and leaving him because if he did, that added to his other unfounded fears would be the death of our relationship.

I want to sit back and just let everything take it’s course because I know what this feels like on the other side.  This guy I was really into just had a “devil may care” attitude and to him I may have seemed like Raleigh.  Always anxious, always worried this would blow up in my face.  He wasn’t patient or considerate to my relationship PTSD.  I ended up ending it because I felt the guy didn’t care enough. Truth is I was driving him insane constantly looking for reassurance.  Little did he know, had he have just gave me just a little more attention. Held my hand just a little tighter, I would have snapped out of it.  I know this because a few months later I did.  I think he will too, not because I plan on bestowing poems, flowers and kinds words upon him but just because when he relaxes and sees after a few more months, I’m not going anywhere. That I can get angry and that not mean the end of us,  he’ll start to have more faith. I also think the times we visit will make the time apart easier… if he doesn’t I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, carpe diem remember 😉

Love and Later days,

-K