Category Archives: Bored

Problem with online dating…

I have been dating on and off for years online.  One of the reasons I have been having difficulty is because I come across better in person than I do on paper when it comes to dating.  If I’m looking for work, my resume speaks volumes but not so much when it comes to dating. I finally figured out why… In my real life I’m not an aggressive dater. I’m used to being courted, wooed… hell, I’ll just say it, I’m used to being chased.  I The kind of guy I date makes the plans for our date.  He calls me, he asks me out, he asks for my number.

When online dating, I’m have to be the aggressor. I have to come out of my comfort zone.  I’m suddenly something, I’m not in my real life.  I become insecure.  I’m second guessing my jokes, wondering if they’re coming across properly in print.  Writing those damn profiles are torture.  Once I move on to the talking on the phone portion of the courtship, my insecurity grows even more, why you ask?  Because on more occasions than I can count I have been called “sir”. When I meet folks in person, they see me and hear my voice at the same time (which thankfully my voice doesn’t match my appearance, think Sofia Bush), so when they hear my voice on the phone later, it doesn’t cause a concern.  Someone once told me that he thought I would look like the mother on “What’s Happening”, the actress named Mabel King…

mabel king

 

Most people who meet me either think I look like Angela Bassett or Lynn Whitfield.  I don’t agree, but you will agree that’s a far cry from Mabel King.  So I worry that my deep voice is going to scare off a prospective Mr. Right for me. Basically the role reversal makes me uncomfortable and Idk how to become that other type of woman.  The type who can approach a guy without feeling or looking awkward.  I’ve never had to do it in the past and when I’m able to go out, for something other than a chore (hell even chores), I have no problems turning heads, even being 40 lbs overweight.  After we get a conversation going I’m normally golden.  This way feels so backward, so weird and I’m having issues getting past it.  I need to figure out a way around this otherwise I’m going to continue stumbling through this crap.  If I can just get a good profile…

I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Love and Later Days,

-K

You hear that…

That is the sound of ice hitting up against my glass. A lot of shit is going on right now. My oldest daughter is putting the screws to me… I’m dealing with it as best I can.  I’m worried shitless about her but she’s testing her limits, it’s driving me insane like I guess most parents of kids that are Seniors in High School.  They’re at the age that they’re not grown but not kids anymore… they don’t know how to act and you don’t know what to do with them.I’m worried sick about it but all I can do is pray and remember I have another kid and a sick mother to worry about who rely on me too.  I’m just gonna keep moving and pray she comes to her senses.

I plan to go out for a little while tonight. My aunt is here if something happens and I’ll be right around the corner watching movies, talking shit and drinking. For a few hours I won’t be a mom, daughter or single woman looking for her soul mate, just Kay.

Have a great and safe weekend.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Trying to get motivated…

I have about 45 days to 8 weeks before I get out of this situation. I haven’t blogged about all that has been going on with me but after I finish weathering this storm, I will tell you everything that’s been going on.  That blog has been written and it is titled “You’re going to need a drink for this…”, I want to share it with you because life is about being knocked down.  When I get knocked down again I want to have it on hand to remind me just how bad this time was, sigh. 

Anywhosal, I’m trying to get motivated for my next steps. I have gained about 40lbs and they have to go. I can’t afford a personal trainer or liposuction and I’m too small for gastric bypass. I believe your outside reflects how you feel on the inside.  That being said, how I look on the outside can change the way I feel on the inside.  If I drop some weight and go back to wearing makeup, it should lift my spirits (fingers crossed).  So I need to get my fat ass on the floor and knock out my situps.  I need to eat better and at the same times.  I also have to stop trying to sleep through all this crazy.  I really don’t want to be bothered with this crazy so I shut down. I take care of my mother and the kids but not myself.  I started dating again to try and get over this hump. The date kinda sucked but I got back out there.  I have been hanging out with someone close to me and her boyfriend but that’s more because she lives close enough that I can go there and get back here in under a minute. It’s an escape because I don’t want to be where I am right now, trust me, no one would want to be. 

If I can just get motivated and get moving I will do better. I will feel better. I’m waiting on paperwork but I forgot to ask when I should expect the paperwork and for a contact number to inquire about the paperwork.  So I spend my days stalking the mailman, when the mail comes and it’s not there, it takes everything to keep me from going back to bed.

Pray I shake this feeling off, I just want everything to be okay. I hate this state of purgatory I’ve been in for the last two years. I just want to be free to act my age. 45 more days.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Pride cometh before the fall or does it…

I had and still have a big problem with asking for help. Because of this difficulty, it has made me a very strong woman. Which is good because you have to be a strong woman to be a single parent.  However it made shit a whole lot more difficult than necessary after my father passed away last year. 

I say all of this as a setup (of course).  I used to go out with this guy. We broke up because he was bossy and never knew how to keep shit between us. We had a mutual “friend”.  This “friend” had a thing for the guy and had for years.  The feeling wasn’t/isn’t  mutual because… wait for it… she was too bossy for him and couldn’t keep shit to herself.  Funny, I know, but true.  This guy was/is a Minister (I’ll wait while you try to picture it). I met him years ago through my exhusband and has been friends with him for years. Oh didn’t I mention, my exhusband was a Pastor. Okay now you’re being ridiculous, get off the floor it’s not that amazing. Anywhosal for this particular rant we will call him Preach. 

There were obviously other problems with me and Preach but the fact that he ran his mouth like an old woman at a sewing circle, drove me nuts.

Okay already tying loose ends up now.  Recently I called Preach to ask for his assistance (I even hate to say the “H” word).  The mutual friend came to me and told me about our conversation as soon as she got off from work.  Soon as she leaves he calls me on the phone and tells me when he will bring over what I asked for and informs me he’s only doing it because he wants to see me again.  Sidebar – I saw him three months ago at a wake.  He wanted to take me out to dinner or lunch the following week and I have been either ducking him or giving an excuse for the last few months.

Back to the matter at hand. A year ago, if he would have said that to me my pride, which is the size of Mt Rushmore, would have made me tell him to fuck off with written instruction on how to accomplish such a task.  These days, it not that I don’t have pride or that I put it down sometimes, it’s I have learned the difference between pride and stupidity.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Two types of responses and I’m not interested in either …

Another thing slowly becoming a pet peeve of mine, and almost tied for first place with text with grammar and spelling errors, shitty email responses.

Not in the sense that they are mean or sarcastic but in the sense, there is no thought put into them at all. I send you a nice intro email, “Hi my name is Kay, I read your profile and I think it would be great to get to know you better. Tell me, when was the last time you went snowboarding/read a good book/ went to Napa (That part is edited depending on whatever it is you said you do for fun).  I close with something like, “hope to hear from u -K”.  After all of that energy I put into writing you I get “hi” or a damn “form” letter.  You know what I mean, the one that is prewritten and he just inserts your name. 

Why does this bother me? How am I to start a conversation with that?  At first I would think they weren’t interested, then later that day or the next I get another email. It says something like, “can I get your number to text you?”.  W-T-F.  It makes it hard for me to get to the “I wanna meet you stage”, mainly because I’m a girl, damn it.  Chase me.  I want to be pursued, feel wanted and sexy.  I’m not chasing a guy down in real life or online.

Okay, I’m  done (I think).

Love and Later Days,

-K

Should I be concerned?

New message in my inbox: “I’m a naughty boy… Speed Rocks… I like fast cars… and the feeling of danger…”

How does someone respond to that? “Um…ok”.

Where do they find these people? And why do they think he’s an 86% match to my profile? My tagline isn’t “die young, leave a pretty corpse.”

Love and Later Days,

-K

I sent Ashton Kutcher a tweet…

I wanted to know if I’m being Punk’d.  For the past month my fb inbox has looked like the ghost of boyfriends past. Only one missing is Bus Boy because the day he uses fb, hell will truly have frozen over. 

You would be so proud of me. I told every single one to “fuck off”, without actually using those words or being a shit. I even inquired about their families, wished them the best, but let them know I wanted them to continue to stay out of my life.

I’m breathing baby. Inhale the future, exhale the past and embracing the present. They are Exs for a reason and I don’t care to revisit the reasoning.

In past relationships I have given so much of myself, I damn near turned myself inside out. I received slim or no support, lies and bullshit for my troubles.  I promised myself this year to be more selfish. I always worry about hurting others, yet they have no regard for me or my feelings unless it benefits them. Screw them and u know what it felt good to tell those assholes to take a walk.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Welcome, welcome, welcome…

I noticed recently that I have a bunch of new readers and I thought I would say hi to you all. 

I apologize in advance for my rants, poor grammar, misspellings (sp), drunk posts and out and out break downs (bet you’re glad you decided to follow me now, lol.

I’m a dating mess. After I get a date, I’m awesome but getting there is the problem, probably because I rarely go out and it seems every man online interested in me is Futz. So going out with someone whom I share chemistry is great but someone who won’t duct tape me and put me in the basement is fantastic.

Again, welcome to my world, my brain and my therapy sessions.

Love and Later Days,

-K