Category Archives: match.com

What to write…what to write…

Well now that I’m no longer single, I didn’t know what to write at first.  I knew I still wanted to write about dating and relationships but how.  Then it hit me, I have conversations with my girlfriends and cousins all the time about relationships, so why not with you guys.

Some of you have been rocking with me for years and know I can be heavy handed sometimes but I want this to be a conversation, if possible. Before I publish my next post, I just want you to know, I don’t play that “cyber-bully” crap (Which will actually be a topic eventually), I censor all of my comments, always have and even though I appreciate different point of views, I will not have anyone being disrespectful here.  Not to me or any one who comments on my blog. I’ve done it in the past and will continue to do it to keep this a safe place for discussion.  With that being said, I look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Later Days!

Problem with online dating…

I have been dating on and off for years online.  One of the reasons I have been having difficulty is because I come across better in person than I do on paper when it comes to dating.  If I’m looking for work, my resume speaks volumes but not so much when it comes to dating. I finally figured out why… In my real life I’m not an aggressive dater. I’m used to being courted, wooed… hell, I’ll just say it, I’m used to being chased.  I The kind of guy I date makes the plans for our date.  He calls me, he asks me out, he asks for my number.

When online dating, I’m have to be the aggressor. I have to come out of my comfort zone.  I’m suddenly something, I’m not in my real life.  I become insecure.  I’m second guessing my jokes, wondering if they’re coming across properly in print.  Writing those damn profiles are torture.  Once I move on to the talking on the phone portion of the courtship, my insecurity grows even more, why you ask?  Because on more occasions than I can count I have been called “sir”. When I meet folks in person, they see me and hear my voice at the same time (which thankfully my voice doesn’t match my appearance, think Sofia Bush), so when they hear my voice on the phone later, it doesn’t cause a concern.  Someone once told me that he thought I would look like the mother on “What’s Happening”, the actress named Mabel King…

mabel king

 

Most people who meet me either think I look like Angela Bassett or Lynn Whitfield.  I don’t agree, but you will agree that’s a far cry from Mabel King.  So I worry that my deep voice is going to scare off a prospective Mr. Right for me. Basically the role reversal makes me uncomfortable and Idk how to become that other type of woman.  The type who can approach a guy without feeling or looking awkward.  I’ve never had to do it in the past and when I’m able to go out, for something other than a chore (hell even chores), I have no problems turning heads, even being 40 lbs overweight.  After we get a conversation going I’m normally golden.  This way feels so backward, so weird and I’m having issues getting past it.  I need to figure out a way around this otherwise I’m going to continue stumbling through this crap.  If I can just get a good profile…

I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Okay sooo…

I met someone today, he will be referred to as the Mechanic because, well he’s a mechanic. I have a friend in from Philly this weekend so he asked to take me out on Tuesday. It was kind of refreshing to have a man approach me, instead of having to work overtime. Funny thing is, I have rarely gone out with a guy that I have a mutual attraction with, normally I’m attracted to him and he’s not to me or vice verse. Normally if it’s the latter, there are other things about him that I’m attracted to… We talked today while they worked on my car’s remote. The conversation flowed easily, as did the subsequent conversation we had after I called him when I got home so he could lock in my telephone number. We talked for a minute, he told me some personal stuff, kids, divorced, yada, yada, yada. What part of SC he lived in and what he liked to do. I figured we could go out for cocktails for our first date so we can get to know each other better.

It’s crazy because I haven’t been out on a date in almost a year. Its crazier that I didn’t meet him online. I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m also glad that I took the time to buy some new clothes this week because of my 40lb weight gain. Which means I will be totally myself when we go out because I won’t be “stuffed” into my clothing. I’m thinking of this yellow off the shoulder shirt I have that disguises my stomach area, a pair of white jeans and and my white and gold 5″ sandals I just bought from Just Fab. Fabulous, chile, fabulous.

Even if this is a crappy date, there turns out to be no chemistry and the guy turns out to be a total Tool, I will still have a great time because I will be getting my dating chops back. I haven’t had a flirty, flirty outing in a while, you know the one when someone is complimenting you the whole night, you’re twirling your hair around your finger and you have butterflies in your stomach. The night that has you grinning all night.

Well that’s it for now, I’ll let you know on Wednesday how Tuesday’s date turns out. Oh BTW, just as a warning I have a blog that has been sitting in my drafts for a little while. I finished it last night, I will post it right behind this one. It’s a little cynical but only a smidge.

Love and Later Days,

-K

All new…

New City, New State, New Blog…

I’m looking forward to dating down here, although I did date someone who lived here while I lived in Philly, it was different because it was long distance.  There isn’t much to tell right now because I’m getting settled.  I have gone to a couple of places around here and hung out for a few hours but because March 14th was the start of tourist season, there aren’t many places I want to go to right now.

I’m noticing down here 20 something men like older women.  I can’t walk two feet without some young guy giving me his telephone number or flirting with me.  Good for the ego but not for finding someone to date.  I’m thinking of giving Match.com another 3 month trial since I’m in a new city.  What I have noticed down here is a lot of guys here need a shitload of attention.  They text you back to back, they want to see you all day, all night and they move fast as hell when it comes to relationships.

With all of that said, I’m looking forward to seeing this city through the eyes of a resident, rather than a tourist.  I guess we get to find out if the trouble and bad experiences I had were due to my location or something going on with me.

wish me luck.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Time Machine…

Does anyone have one I can borrow or rent? I promise to  return it in the same or better condition. I’ll put gas in it, I won’t eat in it and make sure to put the seats and mirrors back in their original position.

I had one when I was a kid but burned out the engine jumping from birthdays, Christmases, my first kiss and hurry to adulthood.  Now when I really need it, I don’t have one of my own and my kids are too busy doing the same with theirs that I did with mine (even though I have warned them against it) to let me borrow theirs and I need it badly to get passed my rough patch. Smh.

So, if you have a Time Machine I can borrow, just leave it in my driveway, with the keys under the seat and I will return it in the very near future. 

Love and Later Days,

-K

You hear that…

That is the sound of ice hitting up against my glass. A lot of shit is going on right now. My oldest daughter is putting the screws to me… I’m dealing with it as best I can.  I’m worried shitless about her but she’s testing her limits, it’s driving me insane like I guess most parents of kids that are Seniors in High School.  They’re at the age that they’re not grown but not kids anymore… they don’t know how to act and you don’t know what to do with them.I’m worried sick about it but all I can do is pray and remember I have another kid and a sick mother to worry about who rely on me too.  I’m just gonna keep moving and pray she comes to her senses.

I plan to go out for a little while tonight. My aunt is here if something happens and I’ll be right around the corner watching movies, talking shit and drinking. For a few hours I won’t be a mom, daughter or single woman looking for her soul mate, just Kay.

Have a great and safe weekend.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Profiles I hate…

I know I post these periodically but I’m peeved.

I hate profiles with men in profile pics….

With a baby or kid.

Holding a cat.

Sleeping with a dog.

Drunk

High
High
High (I know I listed it three times)

Weirdo pics (I saw a man dressed like Ed Grimly)

Work out pics

Group shots (It’s the shot used by guys with self esteem issues. They think they’re ugly so they posts pics of them in group shots hoping you think they’re the attractive guy on the right).

Shadow or obscured pictures *squinting and looking suspicious*

Half naked pics

Pics that are over 20 yrs old.

That is all 4 now.

-The Management

Love and Later Days,

-K

Trying to get motivated…

I have about 45 days to 8 weeks before I get out of this situation. I haven’t blogged about all that has been going on with me but after I finish weathering this storm, I will tell you everything that’s been going on.  That blog has been written and it is titled “You’re going to need a drink for this…”, I want to share it with you because life is about being knocked down.  When I get knocked down again I want to have it on hand to remind me just how bad this time was, sigh. 

Anywhosal, I’m trying to get motivated for my next steps. I have gained about 40lbs and they have to go. I can’t afford a personal trainer or liposuction and I’m too small for gastric bypass. I believe your outside reflects how you feel on the inside.  That being said, how I look on the outside can change the way I feel on the inside.  If I drop some weight and go back to wearing makeup, it should lift my spirits (fingers crossed).  So I need to get my fat ass on the floor and knock out my situps.  I need to eat better and at the same times.  I also have to stop trying to sleep through all this crazy.  I really don’t want to be bothered with this crazy so I shut down. I take care of my mother and the kids but not myself.  I started dating again to try and get over this hump. The date kinda sucked but I got back out there.  I have been hanging out with someone close to me and her boyfriend but that’s more because she lives close enough that I can go there and get back here in under a minute. It’s an escape because I don’t want to be where I am right now, trust me, no one would want to be. 

If I can just get motivated and get moving I will do better. I will feel better. I’m waiting on paperwork but I forgot to ask when I should expect the paperwork and for a contact number to inquire about the paperwork.  So I spend my days stalking the mailman, when the mail comes and it’s not there, it takes everything to keep me from going back to bed.

Pray I shake this feeling off, I just want everything to be okay. I hate this state of purgatory I’ve been in for the last two years. I just want to be free to act my age. 45 more days.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Date night…

Went out on a date with Professor. It started bad and ended mediocre. The middle was ok. We met at a bar he picked (did I mention I hate bar dates?).

I got lost and ended up being an hour and a half late. Didn’t matter much to him because he took the time to drink his way through a pitcher of beer. I did call while I was driving up and down I95 to let him know I was completely lost. He said he would wait. We would have had a great conversation if he wasn’t “two sheets to the wind” and the music wasn’t so loud we had to yell to hear each other. He thought it would be a good idea to finish my beer and then paw me in the parking lot. If I wanted to date a frat boy I would have been looking in a much younger demographic, he was 52 btw.

In case you’re wondering, there will be no further contact.

Love and Later days,

-K

Getting offline and the first date…

How many times have you gotten an email from a guy online and all it says is Hi or it just includes a “form letter”? You’re wondering why’d he even bother, why couldn’t he say more than that? It’s because it’s hard as hell to talk to someone you don’t know, it’s even harder when you haven’t met them in person. 

Online all you know is whether or not you find the person attractive, if they can spell and if they know the difference between their/there/they’re and your/you’re.  In person you feel the chemistry. You can gauge their humor by their body language when you tell a joke. You can discuss things in your surroundings to bridge the gap if you have bouts of silence.  The best part is, in person you can gauge if your date finds you attractive too. 

Now that I have pointed out the obvious (and given a small English lesson), I’ll tell you how to get pass the “Awkwards” (that’s what I call the first 10 email exchanges).  First, if all you get is a “Hi” email, go to his profile and look up his information.  See how many children he has (or don’t).  His status, married/widowed/separated/single/divorce. His career choice (although I never bring up work), education, etc…  Now you’re ready to respond.  Say “hi” back.  Ask him about anything in his profile.  Stay away from vague questions like… what do you like to do for fun? Stay away from stupid questions like Why are you single? or Why are you dating online? These types of questions are dead end questions and leave you floundering for another question. Instead ask something specific. Rather than What do you do for fun? Ask him something like Do you like action movies? His answer gives you room for a follow up question and that can lead to a date. For instance if he says yes, you can say… I wanted to see the new Vin Diesel movie. If he says no, you can follow up with Okay, what type of movie do you like? The thing is, men are accused of not communicating, that simply isn’t true.  Men will talk if they’re familiar or comfortable with the topic at hand. Find a common ground.  It doesn’t have to be sports or cars.  I know a lot about both topics and trust me, less men than you may realize know about either topic. 

Okay so now you’re going on your date.  What to do and where to go.  I don’t suggest going out for coffee or out for drinks on the first date. Too much coffee you come off wack a doo, too much wine, you might show him a little too much of you.

I personally prefer interactive dates like arcades or bowling, however, I like to learn his personality before we go on those types of dates because I don’t like playing with sore losers or lousy winners (the guy who has a loser dance or brags about winning beer pong or foosball like it’s the Superbowl). The first date I usually like to go to a movie or to hear live music. Afterward I like to go to dinner.

With music or a movie first if there is a lull in conversation we have something to talk about.  I usually don’t order anything more than appetizers and I always take a cab or my own car.  This way if the date is a dud we don’t have that awkward ride home.  I also don’t ride in cars with strangers.  I love when it feels like I never want the date to end but I don’t stay out past ten on a week night (folks gotta work) and never past midnight on a weekend. I don’t want a guy to get the impression we’re doing any bike riding until I think he’s trustworthy.

I also stay away from deep conversations until we get a good feel for each other. No talk of politics, religion or sex (unless I plan on engaging in sex that day). Stay light.  Flirt… I think actually that’s one of my favorite parts of being a girl.  The flirting.  I like twirling my hair around my finger. Crossing my legs, when they’re visible (like when I’m sitting on a couch or sitting at a bar top table). I like the attention I get from flirting.  I feel sexy and alive.  Trust me, I love my mother but changing her Depends and washing her up doesn’t make me feel sexy, neither does being a single mom.

Well that’s all for now, hope you found this useful.  Maybe my next blog will be about the art of flirting.  It’ll depend on the comments.

Good Luck, Happy Hunting…

Love and Later Days,

-K