Category Archives: Relationships

Still on the move…

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while or all the years I have been posting, know I have wanted to move to Myrtle Beach for a long time. I finally get here and things start falling apart. I lose my job, car and condo in that order. In losing my home, I had to allow my mom to move to a facility. This has saddened me beyond measure.  I got pregnant shortly after I lost my condo, a blessing with poor timing.

We lived in a motel where Raleigh worked shortly after he moved here, then a brief stay with my sister (twice), then it looked like we were out of the woods and then some financial difficulty and another job loss made us have to move back to a hotel. Raleigh has a family home that he shares ownership of with his siblings, so we will be moving there shortly. It made him sad to move, even though he will be moving closer to his children, who we see about every few weeks because they live a little over 4 hours away, he knows I had planned on never leaving Myrtle Beach after I moved here, so he feels he let us down. I don’t see it that way, I see it as another blessing because at least we have that option. He just wants to make me happy but happy to me is ensuring that our family has structure and stability. The plan (for now) is to move there (NC) until his youngest graduates high school, which is a year after my daughter does.

This will allow us to save for a home and come back here by the time it’s time for our son to start kindergarten. So now I’m planning this move that’s going to cost us over $1000 to do, I’m kind of numb to it right now.  I don’t really know how I feel about it, what I do know is I don’t care where I live with Raleigh and the kids as long as we’re safe and healthy. So, I’ll check in when the move has been completed. Keep me in your prayers, if you pray. Your thoughts if you don’t…

Love and Later Days

-K

Going to the chapel and we’re going to get married…

So, I’ve been engaged since 2014. We didn’t want to get married while I was pregnant because I didn’t want to walk down the aisle in a maternity wedding dress.  After seeing pictures of me pregnant, that was a great executive decision, I was H-U-G-E.  Then I was breastfeeding (sorry fellas) and any woman who has breastfed knows the kind of hi-jinx that can happen with a white or a light colored fabric… yup an awful version of a wet t-shirt contest.  After that it was money issues.

I really could marry Raleigh in a Church house or outhouse.  I love him to death and just want to be his wife but he wants something a smidge more elegant than an outhouse, which I now understand after seeing it up close. I have a frenemy  who met a guy and married him within a month just so she could beat me the alter. She got married at a courthouse, no shade to anyone who got married that way, my parents did and were married over 40 years until my dad died in 2012 but after witnessing it on FB (I wasn’t invited just got tagged in the post), I wouldn’t want that for me and Raleigh. I want to see Raleigh, Bubba and my step-son in nice suits or tuxes, my daughters and step-daughter in nice tea-length dresses or gowns.  Some nice pictures to remember the occasion and a little wine, accompanied by dancing wouldn’t hurt either.

With 2017 just starting, we want to try for another baby and buy a house, I don’t want to go into the poor house and we’re just getting started.  I don’t want to come back from our honeymoon and have to eat Ramon noodles either.  Which means I’ll be planning on a shoestring budget because I don’t want another New Year to pass and we’re not married.  I’ve been thinking of this cool place called Chapel by the Sea, Raleigh told me about it last year.  He didn’t want secular music played but they have prerecorded music they play at every wedding and it was kind of standing room only, if we choose to do it outdoors, we can take pictures on the beach though, Idk.  We’ll talk some more, hell I haven’t even picked a dress yet, partially because I don’t know what style I want and also because I want to lose about 40lbs, I’m already down 12lbs.  We’ll see and I’ll keep you posted (lucky you).

Love and Later Days

 

What to write…what to write…

Well now that I’m no longer single, I didn’t know what to write at first.  I knew I still wanted to write about dating and relationships but how.  Then it hit me, I have conversations with my girlfriends and cousins all the time about relationships, so why not with you guys.

Some of you have been rocking with me for years and know I can be heavy handed sometimes but I want this to be a conversation, if possible. Before I publish my next post, I just want you to know, I don’t play that “cyber-bully” crap (Which will actually be a topic eventually), I censor all of my comments, always have and even though I appreciate different point of views, I will not have anyone being disrespectful here.  Not to me or any one who comments on my blog. I’ve done it in the past and will continue to do it to keep this a safe place for discussion.  With that being said, I look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Later Days!

It has been a while…

I haven’t been here in a while and a lot has happened since then… For any readers that are left, if you’ll remember I started writing this blog years ago to vent about my shitty dating life.  I primarily dated online, because with my parents being sick, my work schedule, raising two kids alone and my dad being in a nursing home, well who had the time.

I relocated to Myrtle Beach, SC, something most my friends and family didn’t believe I would do, if I’m honest,I don’t believe I actually thought I would get out of Philadelphia alive either. I loved living here, although nothing much changed about my dating life or my social life because my mom still lived with me, although I had lost my father (he passed away October 28, 2012), and my mom was now completely paralyzed on her right side, which meant she required more care. My oldest and I had started butting heads before we left Philadelphia (she ran away twice – story for another post) and I thought the move would do us good.

After a parade of weirdos, a visit from an ex, a craptastic date or two and a married man pretending to be single, I met Raleigh*.  I think some of my old blogs talk about him.  He was great, still is… but we have been truly going through some crappy shit. I gave birth to my son, yes my old ass still has eggs and for those of you who don’t know I’ll be 40 in January.  He is great, and me and Raleigh parent great together.  We were planning on getting married and then we found out I was pregnant so that was put on hold.

Now that you are pretty much caught up, I just want to warn the old readers that the tone and type of blogging I will be doing is going to change from bitching about dating to me bitching about my struggles.  Not with my relationship, that’s cool.  I wake up everyday grateful for Raleigh.  My rants and bitching now will mostly now be just about my life.  You’ve been warned, lol.

Love and Later Days!

 

it’s been a loooooong time.

For all of my old readers, great to see you are still hanging in there and still waiting for me to say something interesting.  Well, here I am 2 years after my move to South Carolina from Philadelphia, PA.  I’m still in love with Myrtle Beach, which I refer to as the Myrtle. And to get you caught up on what I have been up to…

Last you read, I was single.  Looking for love online, raising two girls alone and trying desperately to hold on to my sanity.  I had just met Raleigh and we were just starting to get to know each other.  Here’s Raleigh’s stats, we are the same age, born one month apart.  He had two children, a son and daughter.  His daughter, coincidentally, has the same birthday and is the same age as my youngest daughter.  He lived near Raleigh (hence his moniker) and he loved him some Kay.

Fast Forward.  We are now engaged, yes chile.  He brought a Uhaul for the baggage I was carrying around all these years, lol. We have a new baby boy, bringing our children total to 5.  We are going to try for another after we get married this year in October.  I don’t want to waddle down the aisle.

He relocated here, to be with me, a little over a year ago and we haven’t had a dull day yet…  well we don’t think so, others might.  I mean a fun night for us is a bottle of wine, shared with soft music and funny conversation.

I’m back to working from home, 2nd shift and he works 1st shift outside of the home.  Funny, we do the same thing for a living.  We’re looking for a new place and we’re just so fricken happy.  We’re working on a book together and starting a new business.  For the first time in forever, I look forward to the future.

I didn’t think I would blog again, but I figured if someone wanted to listen, I damn sure will talk, lol.  Also, I wanted you to hear how I have been. We have been talking about finding The One for so long that I figured you ought to know I found him and know what we’re up to.

So until next time…

Love and Later Days,

-K

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m back and I have a boyfriend…

Well I know you thought I fell of the face of the Earth but I did not… I have started a great new relationship with Raleigh and it is so great he is relocating here to Myrtle Beach to be closer to me and the kids.

I want you to know that isn’t why I stopped blogging, I stopped blogging because of WP’s stupid ass update that had all my blogs drafted locally to my phone.  The problem is now fixed (I think) and all is right with the world, lol  🙂

So I will not bore you with the details of what has gotten me to girlfriend status but I will say he is a great guy.  He has truly become my best friend and we are good for each other.  We talk everyday.  He is sweet, supportive, funny, God Fearing, loving, affectionate and great at the groovey stuff 😉

He visits often but only for the weekend but believe it or not it isn’t a hindrance or strain to our relationship.  We have private jokes and my kids love him.  Before he permanently relocates here, I will be going there to meet his family.

All I can say is my life is more amazing with him in it.  He is who I have been praying for, I’m not going to lie, at the beginning of the relationship I was waiting for the other shoe to drop sidebar- the post you just saw, titled “I did it”, has been sitting on my phone for couple of months. So don’t think I just saw him and all of this is going down.  Anywhosal… he sent me two cards created in which he wrote me love letters and FED Ex’d them and a CD to my home… it was a Mother’s Day card and a Valentine’s Day card.  Sweet but odd I know, at first.  When I called to thank him, he told me he was sorry it took him 37yrs to find me but he planned to spend the rest of his life making it up to me… the two cards for the missed Holidays was just the beginning, okay you can say it… awwww.

We text and talk like teenagers when he’s not here and make out like teenagers when he is here…

I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend 🙂

Just because I have found my Mr. Right For Me” doesn’t mean you are off the hook… I still have plenty of soapboxes stored up, there is far more shit in the world, besides online dating, that pisses me off. Plus, I know you’re gonna want to know how this all plays out whether this is my Happily ever after or if it will crash and burn.  So… To Be Continued and as always…

Love and Later Days,

-K

I did it…

Not that you pervs. I met Raleigh in person. No catfish here, he wasn’t a serial killer or an axe murderer. He was a complete gentleman and he followed my lead in the PDA department. We had a great weekend and I was really sad to see him go.  I know you’re waiting for it… the other shoe to drop. Well he’s pessimistic.  He has had shitty relationships and because of it he is constantly waiting for this to blow up in his face.  He often asks what I see in him or worries about me ditching him and all the reassurance in the world isn’t working.  He’s so worried about pushing me away, that he’s pushing me away.

I’m trying not to get frustrated or annoyed but it is really bugging me.  We’re like the episode of SaTC when Adian and Carey first start dating and she keeps wondering what’s wrong with him. Only with Raleigh, he’s always worries he’s going to say or do something wrong. 

Being the sole caregiver of two sick parents for over a decade teaches you to Carpe Diem. My life literally changes in an instant, daily. Because of this I don’t worry about what happens next, so this causes conflict in our relationship. His visit has actually made this worse because it has taken the distance from hypothetical to actual.  It has made me a living breathing person that he cares about.  Thankfully he isn’t worrying about me finding someone else and leaving him because if he did, that added to his other unfounded fears would be the death of our relationship.

I want to sit back and just let everything take it’s course because I know what this feels like on the other side.  This guy I was really into just had a “devil may care” attitude and to him I may have seemed like Raleigh.  Always anxious, always worried this would blow up in my face.  He wasn’t patient or considerate to my relationship PTSD.  I ended up ending it because I felt the guy didn’t care enough. Truth is I was driving him insane constantly looking for reassurance.  Little did he know, had he have just gave me just a little more attention. Held my hand just a little tighter, I would have snapped out of it.  I know this because a few months later I did.  I think he will too, not because I plan on bestowing poems, flowers and kinds words upon him but just because when he relaxes and sees after a few more months, I’m not going anywhere. That I can get angry and that not mean the end of us,  he’ll start to have more faith. I also think the times we visit will make the time apart easier… if he doesn’t I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, carpe diem remember 😉

Love and Later days,

-K 

Problem with online dating…

I have been dating on and off for years online.  One of the reasons I have been having difficulty is because I come across better in person than I do on paper when it comes to dating.  If I’m looking for work, my resume speaks volumes but not so much when it comes to dating. I finally figured out why… In my real life I’m not an aggressive dater. I’m used to being courted, wooed… hell, I’ll just say it, I’m used to being chased.  I The kind of guy I date makes the plans for our date.  He calls me, he asks me out, he asks for my number.

When online dating, I’m have to be the aggressor. I have to come out of my comfort zone.  I’m suddenly something, I’m not in my real life.  I become insecure.  I’m second guessing my jokes, wondering if they’re coming across properly in print.  Writing those damn profiles are torture.  Once I move on to the talking on the phone portion of the courtship, my insecurity grows even more, why you ask?  Because on more occasions than I can count I have been called “sir”. When I meet folks in person, they see me and hear my voice at the same time (which thankfully my voice doesn’t match my appearance, think Sofia Bush), so when they hear my voice on the phone later, it doesn’t cause a concern.  Someone once told me that he thought I would look like the mother on “What’s Happening”, the actress named Mabel King…

mabel king

 

Most people who meet me either think I look like Angela Bassett or Lynn Whitfield.  I don’t agree, but you will agree that’s a far cry from Mabel King.  So I worry that my deep voice is going to scare off a prospective Mr. Right for me. Basically the role reversal makes me uncomfortable and Idk how to become that other type of woman.  The type who can approach a guy without feeling or looking awkward.  I’ve never had to do it in the past and when I’m able to go out, for something other than a chore (hell even chores), I have no problems turning heads, even being 40 lbs overweight.  After we get a conversation going I’m normally golden.  This way feels so backward, so weird and I’m having issues getting past it.  I need to figure out a way around this otherwise I’m going to continue stumbling through this crap.  If I can just get a good profile…

I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Okay sooo…

I met someone today, he will be referred to as the Mechanic because, well he’s a mechanic. I have a friend in from Philly this weekend so he asked to take me out on Tuesday. It was kind of refreshing to have a man approach me, instead of having to work overtime. Funny thing is, I have rarely gone out with a guy that I have a mutual attraction with, normally I’m attracted to him and he’s not to me or vice verse. Normally if it’s the latter, there are other things about him that I’m attracted to… We talked today while they worked on my car’s remote. The conversation flowed easily, as did the subsequent conversation we had after I called him when I got home so he could lock in my telephone number. We talked for a minute, he told me some personal stuff, kids, divorced, yada, yada, yada. What part of SC he lived in and what he liked to do. I figured we could go out for cocktails for our first date so we can get to know each other better.

It’s crazy because I haven’t been out on a date in almost a year. Its crazier that I didn’t meet him online. I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m also glad that I took the time to buy some new clothes this week because of my 40lb weight gain. Which means I will be totally myself when we go out because I won’t be “stuffed” into my clothing. I’m thinking of this yellow off the shoulder shirt I have that disguises my stomach area, a pair of white jeans and and my white and gold 5″ sandals I just bought from Just Fab. Fabulous, chile, fabulous.

Even if this is a crappy date, there turns out to be no chemistry and the guy turns out to be a total Tool, I will still have a great time because I will be getting my dating chops back. I haven’t had a flirty, flirty outing in a while, you know the one when someone is complimenting you the whole night, you’re twirling your hair around your finger and you have butterflies in your stomach. The night that has you grinning all night.

Well that’s it for now, I’ll let you know on Wednesday how Tuesday’s date turns out. Oh BTW, just as a warning I have a blog that has been sitting in my drafts for a little while. I finished it last night, I will post it right behind this one. It’s a little cynical but only a smidge.

Love and Later Days,

-K

All new…

New City, New State, New Blog…

I’m looking forward to dating down here, although I did date someone who lived here while I lived in Philly, it was different because it was long distance.  There isn’t much to tell right now because I’m getting settled.  I have gone to a couple of places around here and hung out for a few hours but because March 14th was the start of tourist season, there aren’t many places I want to go to right now.

I’m noticing down here 20 something men like older women.  I can’t walk two feet without some young guy giving me his telephone number or flirting with me.  Good for the ego but not for finding someone to date.  I’m thinking of giving Match.com another 3 month trial since I’m in a new city.  What I have noticed down here is a lot of guys here need a shitload of attention.  They text you back to back, they want to see you all day, all night and they move fast as hell when it comes to relationships.

With all of that said, I’m looking forward to seeing this city through the eyes of a resident, rather than a tourist.  I guess we get to find out if the trouble and bad experiences I had were due to my location or something going on with me.

wish me luck.

Love and Later Days,

-K