Category Archives: School

WHY?

This a list of questions I have for men about online dating…

Why do…

You have a picture of you and your ex (or any woman for that matter) As your profile pic? Am I supposed to call this chic for a character reference? Is it a proof of life pic, to let me know you don’t have her duct taped in your basement?

You have a pic of your favorite sports teams logo for your profile pic? Do I get to pick between you and the teams starting line up? Well they be financing our dates?

You have a pic of your kids or your animals as your profile pic? It doesn’t make you appear more sensative, it makes you look either creepy or like you don’t want me to know what you look like.

You have a blank profile?

You have a group photo as a profile pic? (ever notice that it’s never the guy you think it is in the group shot).

You look at my profile 20,000 times and never send an email?

You “wink” and then never respond to my emails?

Your first text/email to me ask for a sexy pic? Do I look like I’m 16 and in high school? I’m a grown ass woman, my breed doesn’t send sexy pics and we damn sure don’t send them to ppl we don’t know or just met online.

I think that’s it, lol.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I started this, when???

This is my love letter to my followers. I wrote this blog to avoid taking medication for the voices in my head, lol. What happened next I didn’t expect. Ppl actually gave a damn about what I had to say, go figure. I can’t believe it’s been more than three years.

You were with me when I realized I didn’t, in fact, have drinking problem but a ppl problem.  Again when I wanted to start a business and when I went back to school.  You have been with me through 3 laptops and the death of my father. Now you listen to me bitch about this move, all with no judgement.  For that I love you dear readers. I follow your blogs and I’m tickled pink to find out I’m not actually nuts, thank you for that.

I’m a few weeks from moving to a new city and new men. I’m excited about going out again, getting my life back, actually brushing my hair and putting on clothes again. Hell, I’m excited about getting laid. I can’t wait to get the butterflies in my stomach again. I’m a little disappointed about Match.com not having “stir events” in or around Myrtle Beach but maybe that will change in a month or so… 

I’m a little disappointed that I will still be in Philly on April fools day but what can I do. I’m anxious to see my aunt and Big Guy. Anywhosal, back to you. I’m hoping the change in locations will put the Fun back in this Philly and you guys can go back to laughing at me enjoying my post.

Love, Later Days and thank you for listening.

-K

Guess who’s back…

Hey! Missed me? I missed you.  I have been away but thinking of you all.  I have a few weeks left in Philly, thank God because any longer and I would make the damn news.  I have been pretty much avoiding ppl over the last few weeks. Mainly because a lot of folks like to piss in my Cheerios. I have been asked about three times today where I will be staying, as soon as I say 2 blocks from the beach someone is quick to point out Hurricane season. Even someone who is supposed to be happy I’m coming to SC.

Anywhosal, I have done it.  I have reactivated my Okcupid and Match.com accounts.  Not hoping to meet Mr. Right.  I just haven’t met anyone new in about a year.  I would like to just go out on a couple of dates. Get my feet wet.  I want to put on my makeup. Do my hair. Have a door held for me, my cigarette lit.  I get tired of being treated like a girl, that’s a friend instead of a girlfriend.  I know it’s my fault because I have always been comfortable with guys and it’s real easy to let my inner tomboy come out whenever I feel comfortable with a guy I like…  I have been working on it.  One of the ways I will be combating my inner tomboy is by buying some new lingerie. Hard to feel like a tomboy with a silk and lace covered thong going up your butt, lol.  I’m not saying I plan on playing any games or pretending to be something I’m not, I’m just saying I want the guys I’m going out with (yes I said guys, plural, more on that later) to get to know me before I start spewing off NFL facts and stats.

Dating:
Kay’s rules for dating. I don’t believe in dating one person at a time. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a person and force feelings on someone, if they’re the only person you’re seeing.

I don’t believe in lying about dating more than one person. However, I normally only bring it up if he asks.

I don’t believe in monogamous relationships unless we have both agreed to it, discussed and decided it’s what we both want. He has to know that getting into a long term relationship with me means you intend to marry me one day. Otherwise what’s the point? Why not continue to date? Because you don’t want me sleeping with any other man? News flash, it doesn’t work. Why jump from one relationship to the next? We get together and stay together until one of us gets bored. No thanks.

So, I put myself back on the market. Looking through match.com’s line up before I decide whether I will be paying for a membership.  I really think I won’t pay until next month when I’m completely relocated. I want to go to their mixers and “stirs” (I think they call them) which will be difficult here in Philly since I’m registered with my zip code in SC.  I figure since I’m paying extra for that feature, I want to use it. I think I will do better with those features anyway because I come off better in person than I do online anyway. I want to put on a pretty dress, dangling earrings,some high heels and drink some colorful cocktails, while holding a pretty clutch bag. Even if I don’t meet anyone, I will be outside! No talk about medications, school, bickering between two teenagers, no talk of moves, nada. Just me being a grown up.

Looking forward to it…

Love and Later Days,

-K

Please stop calling…

I hate when ppl call me on the phone and don’t have shit to say.  Why call if you’re just going to breathe heavy into the phone? Why ask me to call if you have nothing to say? I don’t get it. Probably because I’m not a phone person. I use the phone to check in on ppl. See how they’re doing, make plans, catch up. Call me crazy but I prefer face time.

NY has been calling like crazy since New Years. He texted a couple of times since I stopped dealing with him on Thanksgiving. You know, when I decided to risk everything and see where it would lead after he told me how he felt about me during summer. I wondered how long it would last and how it would end (I have a tendency to do that) whether it would end in a big argument or just fizzle out. Well now I know.  Even if I hadn’t ended it on Thanksgiving, it definitely would have fizzled out by now.

When he calls the line is pretty much open. I have started just hanging up after a few minutes. Maybe if we lived closer, or the sex had been better (at the time it was great because it had been a while), maybe if he actually listened to what I was saying or if he was here when I needed him, things might’ve been different. It’s ashamed because we were good together as friends.  He listened, he advised. I did the same, we made each other laugh. Was it crazy to think that if we added sex to it our relationship would only get better?

As friends I was content just having a phone relationship, why wouldn’t I be? We talked every morning. He was here for me in a way no man had been. Little did I know it was just to get in my pants, at least that’s how it felt. Now looking back I think he might have been just comfortable with our relationship. That probably would have been fine for a while if I weren’t losing my mind with grief and needed him to physically be here for me. He was in Philly a few times but never came to visit me. He visited his daughter (a given) and his Aunt but never me. It was just crazy. It felt too much like my relationship with TV guy.

TV guy would be in my house but yet was still not here. He would come here after work and play PS3, play chess on his laptop or he would download movies all day, which btw he never actually watched.  I had to schedule dinners out with him, which was met with, “not this week, next week. I’m too tired” or my favorite, “sure” and we just never went.  After thinking about it and tolerating it for way too long I finally ended it. My youngest was getting older and all I could think was after she graduated and moved out I would be stuck with him and I would be bored out of mind so bad we would have our story on the ID channel. So, I ended it.

I don’t want to feel like I’m watching and waiting for water to boil.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not all that exciting but damn, should I have to hold a mirror up to our relationship every few hours to see if it’s breathing? The only time I think a guy wants to be bothered is when I don’t.  Last weekend NY just showed up here in Philly and wanted to see me.  Are you kidding me? Where were you a few months ago? Where was the “surprise” visit then? Back when I needed it? I’m over it, he seemed upset that I declined the visit and never even bother to call him. I only spoke to him via text.  He thinks I’m being petty and trying to get back at him. I’m not, I just don’t care anymore. How do I turn my feelings off like that? I didn’t. I always loved him, always will. Just not like that… When I decided to see what would happen, it was out of lust, loneliness and later, loss. I had sex with him, now the lust is gone. Loneliness comes and goes but it’s magnified by lust and/or loss.  Now that the lust is gone. I got to see more clearly, that I love him, just not in that way and that’s not enough. Not for me, maybe it is for him or maybe he really does love me the other way but does that matter if it isn’t mutual? Why waste the time? He still won’t change the way does things. Which were the things making me unhappy. When things are happening with him he loves the support I give but I can’t get even the support I would get from a training bra.  The main thing is I refuse to settle and being with him would be just that, settling.  Didn’t mean to go on for so long.

Love and Later Days,

-K

What do I want? I’ll tell you what I want…

I figured I would share with you what I want in a man, since this is supposed to be a dating blog and all I have been doing for the past fifty couple of months is whine about my shitty little life, I figure I would go back to basics. So here goes…

I want a guy who can be silly sometimes but not make everything a joke.

Loves to smile. A good smile wins out over great looks any day. Add a great laugh and you had me at hello, lol.

Loves movies. Although I’m not a big fan of television, I love a good action, drama, horror or Period piece, especially if it is something historical.

Loves to talk, I can’t stand to have a one sided conversation. If I’m talking a blue streak and all he can say is yes, no or grunt, there will be no second date.  Here’s the catch, just don’t talk about random shit or random ppl I don’t know either, actually have something to say.

He doesn’t get mad when I’m busy because although my mother won’t be living with me anymore, I still have daughters I’m raising. I also want to have a life and friends. He has to understand I like my space as much as I like spending time with him. I always need a little Kay time because I’ve had so little over the last 19 years.

Maturity.  I can’t stress that one enough. I have enough arguing, tantrums, door slamming, yelling and silent treatments that I have to referee at home between my two daughters, I don’t want to deal with any of that crap with my partner.

Communication has to be key. Kind of an addendum to the maturity clause… I don’t like to argue but don’t get it twisted… my mom didn’t raise a bully but she didn’t raise a bitch either. I can give as well as I can take, however I have “been there, done that” as far as argumentative and volatile relationships.  I want to laugh more than cry.

Supportive and encouraging. I think that is why I have really had  difficulty with dealing last year. I needed someone in my life who was strong when I was weak. To hold me, tell me everything is going to be okay and I believe it.

Responsible and accountable. I’m so sick of irresponsible men who aren’t accountable for their actions. To me that lives in the heart of every adult. Life is about choices, I tell my girls this everyday. Not all of the decisions we make are the correct ones but it’s not the bad choices that define us, it is what we do after a bad choice is made.

Someone who has a good balance of introvert and extrovert. I love a good party, loud music and meeting new ppl as much as soft Jazz music, a good book and a nice glass of wine.  I need a man who is comfortable around strangers and doesn’t want to just “make an “appearance” but also likes to curl up on the couch with me and watch a good movie.

A man who is secure in both his manhood and our relationship. I’m not big on PDA (public displays of affection). I think that when a couple is secure in their relationship and trust one another, other ppl know they’re a couple just in how they interact and treat each other. I don’t think someone has to spend the whole night holding my hand, smacking me on my ass, his hand on the small of my back or around my waist, with his tongue down my throat to prove we are a couple. He doesn’t have to call me or want me to “check in” to feel secure.

He has to be a gentleman, PERIOD. Hold my chair and the door, light my cigarette, help me with my coat.

Take care of me when I’m sick. That’s the easiest one. Bring me soup (hot and in a damn bowl, don’t just roll the can into my room). Bring me some gingerale, juice, Kleenex and make sure I have the remote. After that leave me alone unless I ask for something.

Romance and no routine.  I want flowers sometimes for no reason. A call to say I love you (if we are at that point in our relationship) or just to see how my day went, not everyday because that’s not special, that’s just a habit. As far as the routine part… I don’t want every Sunday to be date night or Friday night to be sex night. I don’t want to know where we are going until we actually make plans. Bored ppl cheat. I have enough routine raising my kids, caring for my mother, going to school and working.

Fidelity, loyalty and respect. You don’t want to sleep with me or be in a relationship anymore, just say so, respect me enough to move on rather than cheat. I’d rather you hurt me with the truth, than kill me with a lie.

Be yourself, not who you think I want… I have been with men who faked knowledge or interest in certain things to get close to me and “know it alls” know everything but the fact that “know it alls” annoy the shit out of me.

Keep the drama. If I want drama in my life I will turn on the CW and watch Vampire Diaries or Arrow.  One of the reasons I hate Chick Flicks is because the story is the same and it fucks up women’s views on relationships. Boy meets girl, boy and girl go through conflict. Boy or girl realizes they were wrong or an idiot, they get back together. The relationship is stronger and better because of said conflict, they live happily ever after. The End. So now you have a bunch of women watching this shit, they feel they’re relationship is terrible because there is no drama, they believe that for their relationship to progress pass this point, they have to go home start shit with their significant others, break up and then cry because they don’t know what they did wrong, Smh. Idiots. No Drama for Kay!

I want a good listener. Not that I need to talk all the time but when I do it would be nice to know you heard everything I said and not just the last sentence (Yup, I know that trick… I invented).

Oh and did I mention? Great sex!!!

I think that covers everything. Do you notice height, weight, looks and finances never came up? Because I don’t have a preference on any of those things. The characteristics I listed above is what I need to be happy. How do I know, because one or more of those things were missing in previous relationships, which is why I’m single.

Love and Later Days,

-K

2013 is just swell so far…

You don’t know how I brought in the New Year because it will be identical to how I celebrate my bday. I won’t be doing a damn thing, lmao.

I am still on schedule with the March move. For those of you who may be thinking like the normal ppl way (it’s three long months away) need to adjust your thinking to the KayWay of thinking (it’s only 7 short weeks away). Ah, now you see why I’m stressing. I still have shit to throw out and paperwork to finish. School records to get, find an (another) apartment. The only good thing is I don’t have to go furniture and food shopping until after I move. We will be sleeping on air mattresses for a week, give or take.  In other words, I have a shitload of things to still get done, so it’s time to delegate some duties. I have been in tighter jams with less time to deal, we’ll be fine but I will be cranky and sleepless until “fine” appears.

There are still folks who think I’m not going anywhere but that’s because they haven’t been paying attention.

Love and Later days,

-K

The road to hell is paved with good intentions…

No truer statement has ever been made.  I try not to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings. I have teeth mark scars on my tongue that will be on there forever because I bite my tongue constantly to prevent me from saying the wrong thing. Not the bullshit wrong thing, I mean the shit you say about people that irk u only to your special gossip person. I know I say some things that maybe I should keep to myself but not the things I should really keep to myself or shouldn’t be saying at all.  Things like “his penis is so small he should get a disability check”, “did u see how ugly that kid was? She know she better pray that kid is smart.” or “does she only own fun house mirrors in her house?” You know the mean girl shit.  That’s why I blog, lol.

Here lately my filter has been acting up. Malfunctioning, if u will. Well not actually malfunctioning per se more like, I haven’t been turning it on… at all. Normally, when I’ve had a little too much to drink, I turn it down but it has never been off like this before because as I stated earlier in this blog it is never my intention to hurt someone’s feelings. However, I must tell you it has felt good to say fuck off. It has felt good to tell someone I wish his penis was as big as his ego, hell as big as his index finger and I like the way it feels to say no, repeatedly.  No I don’t have any cigarettes, no I don’t have any alcohol so you can have a drink, no I won’t watch your kid/grand kid. Just no, no, no, NO. And it feels great! This selfish shit is awesome. I’m loving it. For one thing u have more free time.  I have fulfilled all of my 2012 obligations, everything I promised I would help with this year I have done. Now with 2013 approaching I have no intention of creating new obligations… making new promises because although I said I would help these folks, although I made these promises, all of this happened before my life started going to shit.  The people I made the promises to never thought to ask someone else and I don’t break promises or do work half-ass. So I kept my word, finished a couple of projects, wrote a couple letter’s to a couple of judges on folks behalf and now. I’m done. I hope everyone got what they needed from me, I hope I have helped more than I hurt and I hope that people appreciated my sacrifices and if they didn’t, well, FUCK em.

Told you my filter was off :/

Love and Later Days,

-K

I’m writing again…

Those of you who are old time readers who have been falling down the rabbit hole with me, know I have been writing for years and trying to get up the nerve to get published. Well u will be happy to know I’m writing again and I found my original manuscript that was supposed to be published a couple of years ago (and I stupidly) forgot to back up. I have spent my mom’s naptimes to write and now I think at night (since I’m not sleeping) I will start to put the old manuscript on the new(ish) laptop and back it up on a flash drive. 

The other thing is I will be signing up for Fall semester classes to finish my RN courses at Horry – Georgetown. I have to finish things that I have started. Close all of my doors to open new ones. I’m excited to see what new doors will open when all of the old ones are closed. I can finish the manuscripts and see if they get published. If they aren’t good enough to be published, fine I know they aren’t good enough and I can move forward. Close that door to make room for something else but I won’t have to wonder about whether they were good enough anymore.  The courses, I can stop wondering if I have what it takes to get my RN. If I fail courses, I’ll know… I’ll know that an LVN is my future, I may not be happy with these discoveries but at least I will know.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Can’t change anything right now…

Okay, so let’s see my electric was turned off for two weeks because of a clerical error and I had to wait for them to sort it out, while the food in my freezer rotted away.  My mom is in rehab, learning to speak, walk, and dress herself again, you know shit we take for granted daily.  I was in a motorcycle accident which caused me to leave a shit load of my skin in Southwest Philadelphia (hey at least it wasn’t brain matter) and I have been healing up for the past two weeks.  I have been running ragged between, classes (which ended on the 1st) and hospitals (yes plural, my mom has been to three different ones so far) and her rehab facility.  The move to SC has been moved back 2.5 years and recently been moved up seven months.  I will be using that time to better my credit score.  Um what else??? Oh yeah my daughters’ have both had a growth spurt which means they have nothing to wear other than their uniforms and I have to find some money to take them clothes and shoe shopping.  I own two pairs of jeans because my fat ass has lost some weight (not eating, stressing, the usual) so I have no clothes.

So I have decided to do what any other mother on the brink of losing it would do… I have asked my sister to watch the kids, I have rented a car for the weekend and I am driving to Jersey to go clubbing in AC.  I’m going to pick my daughters up from school, drop them at my sister’s, get my 24-year-old niece from work, changing clothes at her apartment, going to dinner and hitting the highway.  I will dance until my feet are sore, I will dance until I am not thinking of moving to MYRTLE BEACH or sick parents, bills, summer camps that need to be paid, children arguing about the remote or moving costs.  I will laugh and sing off-key, I will for one night be simply Kay.  Not a parent, not a child of sick parents, not a nursing student, not a single mom but just Kay.  All the other stuff can keep for one night.  The next day, I will drive home, pick up my kids, kiss them tell them I love em and start back to my normal madness but for one night.  I will be a single, hot, 35-year-old dressed inappropriately with too high heels on having a good time.  Right now I can’t change anything but if I don’t start getting some down time soon, I will go nuts.

Later Days,

-K

Guys I want your honest opinion…

Okay, I haven’t been getting many hits on my profile lately, all of maybe, let me count… none.  So I’m posting my profile and want you to read it and critique it, let me have it and give me suggestions on what I should add or take away.  I’m serious… because my pics are good but I suck at talking about myself like most online daters, so for your horror reading pleasure my profile:

Hi my name is Kay. I am originally from Philly and I’m a divorced mother of two. I like Football and Basketball, coronas, laughing, traveling and spending time with my family. I like impromptu BBQs when the weather is nice. I’m looking for a serious relationship and figured with me being new to the area, this is an easy way to meet someone, race isn’t important.

If you like the things I listed above and are interested in getting to know me, send me an email.
I know you probably hear this all the time but I’m a pretty fun person to be around. I believe in living a life of no regrets, because of this I try new things and travel to new places just for the heck of it. I’m not just looking for dates, I’m also looking for friends to help me navigate the single scene down here too.

So after your eyes stop bleeding, send me plenty o’ comments, lol.  I’ll be waiting with a low ball of ice-cold vodka.  Thanks guys…

❤ and Later Days,

-K