Category Archives: (trying to) take it easy

Still on the move…

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while or all the years I have been posting, know I have wanted to move to Myrtle Beach for a long time. I finally get here and things start falling apart. I lose my job, car and condo in that order. In losing my home, I had to allow my mom to move to a facility. This has saddened me beyond measure.  I got pregnant shortly after I lost my condo, a blessing with poor timing.

We lived in a motel where Raleigh worked shortly after he moved here, then a brief stay with my sister (twice), then it looked like we were out of the woods and then some financial difficulty and another job loss made us have to move back to a hotel. Raleigh has a family home that he shares ownership of with his siblings, so we will be moving there shortly. It made him sad to move, even though he will be moving closer to his children, who we see about every few weeks because they live a little over 4 hours away, he knows I had planned on never leaving Myrtle Beach after I moved here, so he feels he let us down. I don’t see it that way, I see it as another blessing because at least we have that option. He just wants to make me happy but happy to me is ensuring that our family has structure and stability. The plan (for now) is to move there (NC) until his youngest graduates high school, which is a year after my daughter does.

This will allow us to save for a home and come back here by the time it’s time for our son to start kindergarten. So now I’m planning this move that’s going to cost us over $1000 to do, I’m kind of numb to it right now.  I don’t really know how I feel about it, what I do know is I don’t care where I live with Raleigh and the kids as long as we’re safe and healthy. So, I’ll check in when the move has been completed. Keep me in your prayers, if you pray. Your thoughts if you don’t…

Love and Later Days

-K

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Getting my shit together…

I love that Raleigh has made sure I could pretty much stay home with Bubba for the last 16, almost 17 months.  He has done overtime at work and anything else necessary to make sure everything is paid so that I can just enjoy my last (?) child.  I do work, here and there but it’s seasonal.  One thing I didn’t bank on when I moved to  a “Beach” town, was employment being so scarce. This is giving me time to figure some shit out.  I still don’t know what I’m going to do but I do have some ideas.  Right now I’m setting up an ecommerce store, meaning basically, I create the “virtual” product and find a distributor who does POD (print on demand) there are a lot of self publishers who do this too. So far either I have liked the “storefront” but not be able to link my distributor or I’ve found a POD that has a “storefront” included and I hate it.

The last couple of days I have been working out the product and concentrating less on the store front, this allows me to not lose my mind.  I just keep thinking positive, you know the old “if you build it, they will come.” It’s nothing that will generate a whole lot of revenue but it’s something.  I also get to put a little “me” out there because the product contains my snarky.

I’ve also been taking conversational Spanish online to tighten up my Español (see what I did there 😀 ), I’ll be more marketable, provided I become completely fluent before Bubba graduates High School. I’m the chic who knows how to get her needs met in Spanish (don’t be dirty).  I can ask where my cigarettes are, order a Hamburger and beer, a shot of just about any liquor, order a drink.  Tell you my name, ask you to pronounce something for me, ask directions, tell you where I’m from and ask directions.  Tell you how old I am, count and say my alphabet. The latter is cool, if I can’t say something, I can always spell it.  But that’s it folks.  That’s all and I can read Spanish well, I just have trouble speaking it most times because after you say something to me, I have to translate in my head. Think of my response and then translate it back into Spanish before saying it and even then the other person mostly ends up laughing at me.  Sort of why I don’t trust translators.  How do I know that you’re really saying what’s being said?  Like the guy who translated for Governor Nikki Haley in American Sign language, Jason Hurdich, he looked like he was having way too much fun, telling us we were all about to die and to evacuate.  Don’t believe me?  Click his name in this post or google him and hurricane Mattew, you’ll see what I mean.  It gave me flash backs to that douche bag who was the Sign Language Translator for Nelson Mandela’s Memorial back in 2013, remember him, we later found out he was a fraud! I don’t think they ever found out who he was… what were his intentions? Now Jason is the real deal but, well, ya’ll know I’m paranoid, lol.  Off track, sorry.

I’m still doing tech support from home but it doesn’t pay well.  It does cover the car note and insurance but I want to get back into my own home, (we’ve been living in a hotel for two months).  The one we’re staying in is actually built like an apartment and has wifi and cable but we can’t stay here much longer, the prices will go up as soon as we closer to the beginning of the season, which is either next month or March. I have a few places in mind but there are waiting lists. I’m praying for one place in particular, it has a playground and it’s in a safe area.  My main goal is to have the kids settled. We want to save money to buy a house so we don’t have to worry about this crap anymore, I want to pay the car off this year so we only have to deal with insurance and annual taxes. Daycare is a bear so I at least have to work from home until we can afford to pay three weeks of daycare up front to make sure we don’t incur late fees after he starts.  He needs it for his socialization skills to grow.  He’s okay now but he needs to be around other kids his age because right now he doesn’t really talk, he can, but he knows grunts and whining will get what he needs, so that’s his prefered method of communication.  I just want him to flourish, he’s smart and funny.  I just want him to have all he needs.

Raleigh is also looking at a job that pays double what he makes now, which would be a blessing. He’s about to pull his hair out waiting on his second interview.  The first interviewer promised him she’d email him on Monday, following the initial interview and that hasn’t happened, so he’s over here stressing.  I can say this, I’m really glad I don’t have to do the single parent thing anymore.

Trying to keep it light and stress free, but you guys know me ;D

Love and Later Days!

 

 

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Yes! I’m Hormonal damn it…

Fellas, I’m sorry in advance, run while you still can.

Now that they’re gone, Ladies, can we talk? I have been in Hormone Hell for over 2 years.

I was pregnant from the end of 2014 to August 2015, yes I was hormonal.

I began breastfeeding, yes I was hormonal.

I began birth control for the first time in 15 years because before I got preggers with Bubba, I thought (for medical reasons) I couldn’t get pregnant anymore, yes I was hormonal.

I came off of birth control because I couldn’t lose any weight, yes I’m hormonal.

I just got my Auntie Flo back after 2 YEARS.  The first one lasted over a month.  Let me say that again because it bears repeating, ONE MONTH WITH AUNT FUCKING FLO, yes I hormonal.

Give me a break, I cry for no reason.  I get angry at the drop of a hat. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. My hair has fallen out, all of it. My nails won’t grow.  I have acne like I’m 16. I hurt all of the time because I’m fat as hell. I get confused and forget shit all the time. My mind wanders. I’m irritable. None of my damn clothes fit and most days I look like shit because I’m chasing a toddler, while working from home at the same damn time. Most of this is because of my hormones are out of control.  I have to deal with all of that and still function like a normal and sane person.  It’s damn difficult. I spent about 10 minutes looking for the phone and I was actually holding it walking around the house listening in on a conference call.

Why did I write this post, say it with me folks, BECAUSE YES, I’m hormonal!

It has been a while…

I haven’t been here in a while and a lot has happened since then… For any readers that are left, if you’ll remember I started writing this blog years ago to vent about my shitty dating life.  I primarily dated online, because with my parents being sick, my work schedule, raising two kids alone and my dad being in a nursing home, well who had the time.

I relocated to Myrtle Beach, SC, something most my friends and family didn’t believe I would do, if I’m honest,I don’t believe I actually thought I would get out of Philadelphia alive either. I loved living here, although nothing much changed about my dating life or my social life because my mom still lived with me, although I had lost my father (he passed away October 28, 2012), and my mom was now completely paralyzed on her right side, which meant she required more care. My oldest and I had started butting heads before we left Philadelphia (she ran away twice – story for another post) and I thought the move would do us good.

After a parade of weirdos, a visit from an ex, a craptastic date or two and a married man pretending to be single, I met Raleigh*.  I think some of my old blogs talk about him.  He was great, still is… but we have been truly going through some crappy shit. I gave birth to my son, yes my old ass still has eggs and for those of you who don’t know I’ll be 40 in January.  He is great, and me and Raleigh parent great together.  We were planning on getting married and then we found out I was pregnant so that was put on hold.

Now that you are pretty much caught up, I just want to warn the old readers that the tone and type of blogging I will be doing is going to change from bitching about dating to me bitching about my struggles.  Not with my relationship, that’s cool.  I wake up everyday grateful for Raleigh.  My rants and bitching now will mostly now be just about my life.  You’ve been warned, lol.

Love and Later Days!

 

it’s been a loooooong time.

For all of my old readers, great to see you are still hanging in there and still waiting for me to say something interesting.  Well, here I am 2 years after my move to South Carolina from Philadelphia, PA.  I’m still in love with Myrtle Beach, which I refer to as the Myrtle. And to get you caught up on what I have been up to…

Last you read, I was single.  Looking for love online, raising two girls alone and trying desperately to hold on to my sanity.  I had just met Raleigh and we were just starting to get to know each other.  Here’s Raleigh’s stats, we are the same age, born one month apart.  He had two children, a son and daughter.  His daughter, coincidentally, has the same birthday and is the same age as my youngest daughter.  He lived near Raleigh (hence his moniker) and he loved him some Kay.

Fast Forward.  We are now engaged, yes chile.  He brought a Uhaul for the baggage I was carrying around all these years, lol. We have a new baby boy, bringing our children total to 5.  We are going to try for another after we get married this year in October.  I don’t want to waddle down the aisle.

He relocated here, to be with me, a little over a year ago and we haven’t had a dull day yet…  well we don’t think so, others might.  I mean a fun night for us is a bottle of wine, shared with soft music and funny conversation.

I’m back to working from home, 2nd shift and he works 1st shift outside of the home.  Funny, we do the same thing for a living.  We’re looking for a new place and we’re just so fricken happy.  We’re working on a book together and starting a new business.  For the first time in forever, I look forward to the future.

I didn’t think I would blog again, but I figured if someone wanted to listen, I damn sure will talk, lol.  Also, I wanted you to hear how I have been. We have been talking about finding The One for so long that I figured you ought to know I found him and know what we’re up to.

So until next time…

Love and Later Days,

-K

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Working out is hard to do!!!

I can’t believe I’m having problems making working out part of my normal lifestyle again.  I danced ballet, tap and jazz for 20+ years, I was used to dancing three or four times a week for each class and from 7am to 3pm.  Practicing new routines for hours on end daily.  I danced all the way up to my 6th month of my pregnancy with my oldest daughter (17, ALMOST 18 years), I actually performed in a Play that ran for a week including two matinées on both Saturday and Sunday. 

During high school, I ran cross country. After my divorce, I just stopped, I did run again after that on and off for years. .. Now I can’t get my motor running again. I’ve tried and I’m trying again.  I did Zumba, I liked it but my playstation 3 stopped working and I gave up.  I tried running again and my treadmill died, it’s like the fitness gods hate me.

I’m trying to get started again with Julianne Michaels.  It’s a six week program, I’m hoping to see some type of difference.  I have back fat, BACK FAT!  I have cellulite on my legs, um ew. 

I’m trying to lose 40 to 60lbs.  I have moved to this beautiful beach city and I want to put on a bathing suit this season.  I picture myself on the beach, hair flowing and enjoying the sun.  I don’t need to be in a two piece bathing (although I would love to be in one), a bathing suit that I just feel comfortable in would be great.  A pair of jeans that I feel good in that aren’t too tight or too loose.  A shirt that I can pull down that isn’t hanging off of me or keeps rolling up my stomach.  I hate that I look like I’m three months pregnant.  I feel good when I look good.  I have never been in a position which I don’t look good in anything I put on.

Let’s hope I can do this, I mean my father used to say “I try means, I’ll fail”.  So no trying… just doing.

Let’s get this party started.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I did it…

Not that you pervs. I met Raleigh in person. No catfish here, he wasn’t a serial killer or an axe murderer. He was a complete gentleman and he followed my lead in the PDA department. We had a great weekend and I was really sad to see him go.  I know you’re waiting for it… the other shoe to drop. Well he’s pessimistic.  He has had shitty relationships and because of it he is constantly waiting for this to blow up in his face.  He often asks what I see in him or worries about me ditching him and all the reassurance in the world isn’t working.  He’s so worried about pushing me away, that he’s pushing me away.

I’m trying not to get frustrated or annoyed but it is really bugging me.  We’re like the episode of SaTC when Adian and Carey first start dating and she keeps wondering what’s wrong with him. Only with Raleigh, he’s always worries he’s going to say or do something wrong. 

Being the sole caregiver of two sick parents for over a decade teaches you to Carpe Diem. My life literally changes in an instant, daily. Because of this I don’t worry about what happens next, so this causes conflict in our relationship. His visit has actually made this worse because it has taken the distance from hypothetical to actual.  It has made me a living breathing person that he cares about.  Thankfully he isn’t worrying about me finding someone else and leaving him because if he did, that added to his other unfounded fears would be the death of our relationship.

I want to sit back and just let everything take it’s course because I know what this feels like on the other side.  This guy I was really into just had a “devil may care” attitude and to him I may have seemed like Raleigh.  Always anxious, always worried this would blow up in my face.  He wasn’t patient or considerate to my relationship PTSD.  I ended up ending it because I felt the guy didn’t care enough. Truth is I was driving him insane constantly looking for reassurance.  Little did he know, had he have just gave me just a little more attention. Held my hand just a little tighter, I would have snapped out of it.  I know this because a few months later I did.  I think he will too, not because I plan on bestowing poems, flowers and kinds words upon him but just because when he relaxes and sees after a few more months, I’m not going anywhere. That I can get angry and that not mean the end of us,  he’ll start to have more faith. I also think the times we visit will make the time apart easier… if he doesn’t I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, carpe diem remember 😉

Love and Later days,

-K 

Problem with online dating…

I have been dating on and off for years online.  One of the reasons I have been having difficulty is because I come across better in person than I do on paper when it comes to dating.  If I’m looking for work, my resume speaks volumes but not so much when it comes to dating. I finally figured out why… In my real life I’m not an aggressive dater. I’m used to being courted, wooed… hell, I’ll just say it, I’m used to being chased.  I The kind of guy I date makes the plans for our date.  He calls me, he asks me out, he asks for my number.

When online dating, I’m have to be the aggressor. I have to come out of my comfort zone.  I’m suddenly something, I’m not in my real life.  I become insecure.  I’m second guessing my jokes, wondering if they’re coming across properly in print.  Writing those damn profiles are torture.  Once I move on to the talking on the phone portion of the courtship, my insecurity grows even more, why you ask?  Because on more occasions than I can count I have been called “sir”. When I meet folks in person, they see me and hear my voice at the same time (which thankfully my voice doesn’t match my appearance, think Sofia Bush), so when they hear my voice on the phone later, it doesn’t cause a concern.  Someone once told me that he thought I would look like the mother on “What’s Happening”, the actress named Mabel King…

mabel king

 

Most people who meet me either think I look like Angela Bassett or Lynn Whitfield.  I don’t agree, but you will agree that’s a far cry from Mabel King.  So I worry that my deep voice is going to scare off a prospective Mr. Right for me. Basically the role reversal makes me uncomfortable and Idk how to become that other type of woman.  The type who can approach a guy without feeling or looking awkward.  I’ve never had to do it in the past and when I’m able to go out, for something other than a chore (hell even chores), I have no problems turning heads, even being 40 lbs overweight.  After we get a conversation going I’m normally golden.  This way feels so backward, so weird and I’m having issues getting past it.  I need to figure out a way around this otherwise I’m going to continue stumbling through this crap.  If I can just get a good profile…

I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Love and Later Days,

-K

All new…

New City, New State, New Blog…

I’m looking forward to dating down here, although I did date someone who lived here while I lived in Philly, it was different because it was long distance.  There isn’t much to tell right now because I’m getting settled.  I have gone to a couple of places around here and hung out for a few hours but because March 14th was the start of tourist season, there aren’t many places I want to go to right now.

I’m noticing down here 20 something men like older women.  I can’t walk two feet without some young guy giving me his telephone number or flirting with me.  Good for the ego but not for finding someone to date.  I’m thinking of giving Match.com another 3 month trial since I’m in a new city.  What I have noticed down here is a lot of guys here need a shitload of attention.  They text you back to back, they want to see you all day, all night and they move fast as hell when it comes to relationships.

With all of that said, I’m looking forward to seeing this city through the eyes of a resident, rather than a tourist.  I guess we get to find out if the trouble and bad experiences I had were due to my location or something going on with me.

wish me luck.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Time Machine…

Does anyone have one I can borrow or rent? I promise to  return it in the same or better condition. I’ll put gas in it, I won’t eat in it and make sure to put the seats and mirrors back in their original position.

I had one when I was a kid but burned out the engine jumping from birthdays, Christmases, my first kiss and hurry to adulthood.  Now when I really need it, I don’t have one of my own and my kids are too busy doing the same with theirs that I did with mine (even though I have warned them against it) to let me borrow theirs and I need it badly to get passed my rough patch. Smh.

So, if you have a Time Machine I can borrow, just leave it in my driveway, with the keys under the seat and I will return it in the very near future. 

Love and Later Days,

-K