Category Archives: weight

Yes! I’m Hormonal damn it…

Fellas, I’m sorry in advance, run while you still can.

Now that they’re gone, Ladies, can we talk? I have been in Hormone Hell for over 2 years.

I was pregnant from the end of 2014 to August 2015, yes I was hormonal.

I began breastfeeding, yes I was hormonal.

I began birth control for the first time in 15 years because before I got preggers with Bubba, I thought (for medical reasons) I couldn’t get pregnant anymore, yes I was hormonal.

I came off of birth control because I couldn’t lose any weight, yes I’m hormonal.

I just got my Auntie Flo back after 2 YEARS.  The first one lasted over a month.  Let me say that again because it bears repeating, ONE MONTH WITH AUNT FUCKING FLO, yes I hormonal.

Give me a break, I cry for no reason.  I get angry at the drop of a hat. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. My hair has fallen out, all of it. My nails won’t grow.  I have acne like I’m 16. I hurt all of the time because I’m fat as hell. I get confused and forget shit all the time. My mind wanders. I’m irritable. None of my damn clothes fit and most days I look like shit because I’m chasing a toddler, while working from home at the same damn time. Most of this is because of my hormones are out of control.  I have to deal with all of that and still function like a normal and sane person.  It’s damn difficult. I spent about 10 minutes looking for the phone and I was actually holding it walking around the house listening in on a conference call.

Why did I write this post, say it with me folks, BECAUSE YES, I’m hormonal!

Going to the chapel and we’re going to get married…

So, I’ve been engaged since 2014. We didn’t want to get married while I was pregnant because I didn’t want to walk down the aisle in a maternity wedding dress.  After seeing pictures of me pregnant, that was a great executive decision, I was H-U-G-E.  Then I was breastfeeding (sorry fellas) and any woman who has breastfed knows the kind of hi-jinx that can happen with a white or a light colored fabric… yup an awful version of a wet t-shirt contest.  After that it was money issues.

I really could marry Raleigh in a Church house or outhouse.  I love him to death and just want to be his wife but he wants something a smidge more elegant than an outhouse, which I now understand after seeing it up close. I have a frenemy  who met a guy and married him within a month just so she could beat me the alter. She got married at a courthouse, no shade to anyone who got married that way, my parents did and were married over 40 years until my dad died in 2012 but after witnessing it on FB (I wasn’t invited just got tagged in the post), I wouldn’t want that for me and Raleigh. I want to see Raleigh, Bubba and my step-son in nice suits or tuxes, my daughters and step-daughter in nice tea-length dresses or gowns.  Some nice pictures to remember the occasion and a little wine, accompanied by dancing wouldn’t hurt either.

With 2017 just starting, we want to try for another baby and buy a house, I don’t want to go into the poor house and we’re just getting started.  I don’t want to come back from our honeymoon and have to eat Ramon noodles either.  Which means I’ll be planning on a shoestring budget because I don’t want another New Year to pass and we’re not married.  I’ve been thinking of this cool place called Chapel by the Sea, Raleigh told me about it last year.  He didn’t want secular music played but they have prerecorded music they play at every wedding and it was kind of standing room only, if we choose to do it outdoors, we can take pictures on the beach though, Idk.  We’ll talk some more, hell I haven’t even picked a dress yet, partially because I don’t know what style I want and also because I want to lose about 40lbs, I’m already down 12lbs.  We’ll see and I’ll keep you posted (lucky you).

Love and Later Days

 

Working out is hard to do!!!

I can’t believe I’m having problems making working out part of my normal lifestyle again.  I danced ballet, tap and jazz for 20+ years, I was used to dancing three or four times a week for each class and from 7am to 3pm.  Practicing new routines for hours on end daily.  I danced all the way up to my 6th month of my pregnancy with my oldest daughter (17, ALMOST 18 years), I actually performed in a Play that ran for a week including two matinées on both Saturday and Sunday. 

During high school, I ran cross country. After my divorce, I just stopped, I did run again after that on and off for years. .. Now I can’t get my motor running again. I’ve tried and I’m trying again.  I did Zumba, I liked it but my playstation 3 stopped working and I gave up.  I tried running again and my treadmill died, it’s like the fitness gods hate me.

I’m trying to get started again with Julianne Michaels.  It’s a six week program, I’m hoping to see some type of difference.  I have back fat, BACK FAT!  I have cellulite on my legs, um ew. 

I’m trying to lose 40 to 60lbs.  I have moved to this beautiful beach city and I want to put on a bathing suit this season.  I picture myself on the beach, hair flowing and enjoying the sun.  I don’t need to be in a two piece bathing (although I would love to be in one), a bathing suit that I just feel comfortable in would be great.  A pair of jeans that I feel good in that aren’t too tight or too loose.  A shirt that I can pull down that isn’t hanging off of me or keeps rolling up my stomach.  I hate that I look like I’m three months pregnant.  I feel good when I look good.  I have never been in a position which I don’t look good in anything I put on.

Let’s hope I can do this, I mean my father used to say “I try means, I’ll fail”.  So no trying… just doing.

Let’s get this party started.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Problem with online dating…

I have been dating on and off for years online.  One of the reasons I have been having difficulty is because I come across better in person than I do on paper when it comes to dating.  If I’m looking for work, my resume speaks volumes but not so much when it comes to dating. I finally figured out why… In my real life I’m not an aggressive dater. I’m used to being courted, wooed… hell, I’ll just say it, I’m used to being chased.  I The kind of guy I date makes the plans for our date.  He calls me, he asks me out, he asks for my number.

When online dating, I’m have to be the aggressor. I have to come out of my comfort zone.  I’m suddenly something, I’m not in my real life.  I become insecure.  I’m second guessing my jokes, wondering if they’re coming across properly in print.  Writing those damn profiles are torture.  Once I move on to the talking on the phone portion of the courtship, my insecurity grows even more, why you ask?  Because on more occasions than I can count I have been called “sir”. When I meet folks in person, they see me and hear my voice at the same time (which thankfully my voice doesn’t match my appearance, think Sofia Bush), so when they hear my voice on the phone later, it doesn’t cause a concern.  Someone once told me that he thought I would look like the mother on “What’s Happening”, the actress named Mabel King…

mabel king

 

Most people who meet me either think I look like Angela Bassett or Lynn Whitfield.  I don’t agree, but you will agree that’s a far cry from Mabel King.  So I worry that my deep voice is going to scare off a prospective Mr. Right for me. Basically the role reversal makes me uncomfortable and Idk how to become that other type of woman.  The type who can approach a guy without feeling or looking awkward.  I’ve never had to do it in the past and when I’m able to go out, for something other than a chore (hell even chores), I have no problems turning heads, even being 40 lbs overweight.  After we get a conversation going I’m normally golden.  This way feels so backward, so weird and I’m having issues getting past it.  I need to figure out a way around this otherwise I’m going to continue stumbling through this crap.  If I can just get a good profile…

I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I Scream, you scream, we all scream for… a date!

A sweet thing happened today. One of my suitors (yeah, yeah I said suitors) texted me today and asked me out for ice cream. I know what your thinking. Corny but I think it’s refreshing in a world of corner bars, hook ups and “can I come over and watch a movie” line.  I got a rain check because honestly I look a mess and I don’t think my first impression should be of me with bed head and wearing either pajamas or scrubs because my ass is too fat for my jeans these days.

Anywhosal, I look forward to going out with this guy not because he’s great looking (although he is cute enough to make me babble) or becauase he has a great job or personality but just because his idea for a first date shows he wants to get to know me not just get me drunk and into my pants. And just in case you haven’t figured it out yet his FP name will be Ice Cream.

Love and Later Days,

-K

I feel like I need and AARP card and a stroller…

I have a few fellow bloggers who are dating online, they’re all seeming to have the same problem, older men chasing them… Me, I’m having the opposite problem, I have a bunch of adolescents chasing me. Every email I have gotten has been from boys who haven’t started shaving yet. With my oldest daughter being 16, a 20 year old isn’t all that appealing to me. He’s four years older than my daughter and 16 yrs younger than me.  He has more in common with her than me. Why they would be chasing a woman my age is beyond me. Idk, you guys figure it out let me know.

Love and Later Days,

-K

My house…

Well the Realtor called today. I got the house. I just need a month and a half’s rent to move in… I had 2700 in the budget for my housing. I have to pay 1275. I got the house if I want it.

So now we are just awaiting the money. Once that comes we are good to go. For that to come I need the letter from my mom’s doctor to send to the DoD and the a wait period of up to 30 calendar days.  Waiting on Social Security too. Not much longer thank God. Once I get my mom’s benefits straight I will feel better. I already signed her lease, after my Aunt takes a look at the condo for me and the girls, I will know what to do, either keep looking or send a deposit.  It’s in my price range and near the beach.

In other news, really trying to keep from paying for my membership to match.com right now. I don’t want it started this soon. You know how guys online are. You talk for a out two minutes online and they wanna meet, unless they are willing to drive over 400 miles to meet me, so might as well wait.  I think my bday gift to myself this year will be a six month membership, that will get me to the Fall, if by then I haven’t met anyone either through the site or in person, I will cancel the membership and stop dating altogether for a while because apparently it won’t be the men I have dates with the problem, it will officially be me.

I’m excited about the move as you all know because you have had to hear about for the last few years from one degree or another, now it’s time. In preparation to this move I have been trying to loose 40lbs and grow my hair out.  My hair is coming along wonderfully. The weight, well you gotta actually break a sweat to loose weight, so not so much. I’m trying to think of a fast way to get this weight off but everything I think of… I don’t wanna do *whining and stomping my feet with my head thrown back* where are the donuts I can eat to make the fat burn off? I can’t take diet pills because, well, they could kill me. I have an enlarged heart and asthma. If there is asprin in them it could cause me to have an attack, the speed that’s in diet pills will make my heart work even harder than it has to already (twice as hard as a normal heart). When I said I was dying to be then, I didn’t mean it literal. I want to get this weight off though, it’s killing my back and knees. I wake up every morning sore (I lie and say it’s my bed’s fault), I would love any suggestions, other tan don’t eat, I barely eat as it is… My weight gain is from too many coronas in the last year and no exercise. Let me know if you guys hear anything.

Love and Later Days,

-K

P.S. miss your comments!

What do I want? I’ll tell you what I want…

I figured I would share with you what I want in a man, since this is supposed to be a dating blog and all I have been doing for the past fifty couple of months is whine about my shitty little life, I figure I would go back to basics. So here goes…

I want a guy who can be silly sometimes but not make everything a joke.

Loves to smile. A good smile wins out over great looks any day. Add a great laugh and you had me at hello, lol.

Loves movies. Although I’m not a big fan of television, I love a good action, drama, horror or Period piece, especially if it is something historical.

Loves to talk, I can’t stand to have a one sided conversation. If I’m talking a blue streak and all he can say is yes, no or grunt, there will be no second date.  Here’s the catch, just don’t talk about random shit or random ppl I don’t know either, actually have something to say.

He doesn’t get mad when I’m busy because although my mother won’t be living with me anymore, I still have daughters I’m raising. I also want to have a life and friends. He has to understand I like my space as much as I like spending time with him. I always need a little Kay time because I’ve had so little over the last 19 years.

Maturity.  I can’t stress that one enough. I have enough arguing, tantrums, door slamming, yelling and silent treatments that I have to referee at home between my two daughters, I don’t want to deal with any of that crap with my partner.

Communication has to be key. Kind of an addendum to the maturity clause… I don’t like to argue but don’t get it twisted… my mom didn’t raise a bully but she didn’t raise a bitch either. I can give as well as I can take, however I have “been there, done that” as far as argumentative and volatile relationships.  I want to laugh more than cry.

Supportive and encouraging. I think that is why I have really had  difficulty with dealing last year. I needed someone in my life who was strong when I was weak. To hold me, tell me everything is going to be okay and I believe it.

Responsible and accountable. I’m so sick of irresponsible men who aren’t accountable for their actions. To me that lives in the heart of every adult. Life is about choices, I tell my girls this everyday. Not all of the decisions we make are the correct ones but it’s not the bad choices that define us, it is what we do after a bad choice is made.

Someone who has a good balance of introvert and extrovert. I love a good party, loud music and meeting new ppl as much as soft Jazz music, a good book and a nice glass of wine.  I need a man who is comfortable around strangers and doesn’t want to just “make an “appearance” but also likes to curl up on the couch with me and watch a good movie.

A man who is secure in both his manhood and our relationship. I’m not big on PDA (public displays of affection). I think that when a couple is secure in their relationship and trust one another, other ppl know they’re a couple just in how they interact and treat each other. I don’t think someone has to spend the whole night holding my hand, smacking me on my ass, his hand on the small of my back or around my waist, with his tongue down my throat to prove we are a couple. He doesn’t have to call me or want me to “check in” to feel secure.

He has to be a gentleman, PERIOD. Hold my chair and the door, light my cigarette, help me with my coat.

Take care of me when I’m sick. That’s the easiest one. Bring me soup (hot and in a damn bowl, don’t just roll the can into my room). Bring me some gingerale, juice, Kleenex and make sure I have the remote. After that leave me alone unless I ask for something.

Romance and no routine.  I want flowers sometimes for no reason. A call to say I love you (if we are at that point in our relationship) or just to see how my day went, not everyday because that’s not special, that’s just a habit. As far as the routine part… I don’t want every Sunday to be date night or Friday night to be sex night. I don’t want to know where we are going until we actually make plans. Bored ppl cheat. I have enough routine raising my kids, caring for my mother, going to school and working.

Fidelity, loyalty and respect. You don’t want to sleep with me or be in a relationship anymore, just say so, respect me enough to move on rather than cheat. I’d rather you hurt me with the truth, than kill me with a lie.

Be yourself, not who you think I want… I have been with men who faked knowledge or interest in certain things to get close to me and “know it alls” know everything but the fact that “know it alls” annoy the shit out of me.

Keep the drama. If I want drama in my life I will turn on the CW and watch Vampire Diaries or Arrow.  One of the reasons I hate Chick Flicks is because the story is the same and it fucks up women’s views on relationships. Boy meets girl, boy and girl go through conflict. Boy or girl realizes they were wrong or an idiot, they get back together. The relationship is stronger and better because of said conflict, they live happily ever after. The End. So now you have a bunch of women watching this shit, they feel they’re relationship is terrible because there is no drama, they believe that for their relationship to progress pass this point, they have to go home start shit with their significant others, break up and then cry because they don’t know what they did wrong, Smh. Idiots. No Drama for Kay!

I want a good listener. Not that I need to talk all the time but when I do it would be nice to know you heard everything I said and not just the last sentence (Yup, I know that trick… I invented).

Oh and did I mention? Great sex!!!

I think that covers everything. Do you notice height, weight, looks and finances never came up? Because I don’t have a preference on any of those things. The characteristics I listed above is what I need to be happy. How do I know, because one or more of those things were missing in previous relationships, which is why I’m single.

Love and Later Days,

-K

Drinking made easy…

I have to say I love, LOVE this show. For anyone who hasn’t seen the show, it is about three guys and a stuffed monkey named Pleepleus (I think that’s the spelling), going city to city trying out different drinks at different bars with historical backgrounds. So far my favorite drink would be the Bacon martini. It’s made from Bacon infused vodka. I speak about my family, old loves, ex-boyfriend (not the same thing), single parenting, my books I will probably never finish, business endeavors and my sick parents. Ooo, Ooo forgot weight loss but never my love for pork or my obsession with bacon. If it were legal, I would marry bacon. My favorite episode of Iron Chef is the one where they have the bacon challenges but I digress.

I was going to do this whole letter writing campaign to get them to come to Philly, turns out they have already been here and although it has been quite informative, they skipped over some really great bars. Do they have historical relevance, um don’t know but they do have mighty fine drinks, lmfao. So now I am off to find some cool bars and write the shit out of the show to get them to come back, maybe they will call it Philly part dos. If I’m leaving my great city… damn it I’m going to try to leave with a bang!

The only thing I wish more than that, is that I created that show 😦

Love and later days,

-K