What I want to be when I grow up….

 

 

Forgive me if I have already created a post with this name but it’s question I’ve always had about my future. ¬†I hear people say all the time they knew when they were a kid they wanted to be whatever… Idk what I want to do. ¬†I’ve never known. Not even the silly dreams, like be a princess or an astronaut. I figured I’d do what I was good at or passionate about, the problem is I have no real passions anymore. ¬†I mean, I danced classically for years until the birth of my first kid. ¬†Then I realized it didn’t pay the bills unless you were Mikhail Baryshnikov, Misty Copeland, or ¬†Gregory Hines (R.I.P.). ¬†I wasn’t. ¬†Although I took lessons all day on Saturdays and all evening on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. ¬†Those guys ate, slept and breathed dancing.

Later, I realized I had always been good with computers. ¬†I got my degree in Computer Applications Network Administrations, I know a mouthful, it would later become IT. ¬†I pretty much used it for clerical work. ¬†I now use it to supply tech support to different companies but it’s not my passion. ¬†Do I want to be a Tech until I retire? ¬†I don’t know. ¬†I know what I’m good at… Customer Service, anything clerical, tech support, I have excellent communication skills. ¬†I’m bad ass at multi-tasking and organizing but what career is that?

Love and Later Days

I love working from home… but I don’t…

I’m tech support for a lot of different companies. ¬†You may have even spoken to me a couple of times at different companies. ¬†I have done/do everything from call centers (telephone), to chats. ¬†Emails and video chat. ¬†There are plenty of upsides to working from home, my favorites are; I’m able to wear my pajamas, (except when I have to do tech support via video chat), no commute, I don’t really pay for daycare… depending on the gig (Like if it’s chat or email only) I have the baby in the room with me while I work and can play with him while I wait for responses. ¬†When I have to do phones or video, I hire a babysitter and I’m able to “visit” with him on breaks and lunch in either his room or the living room. ¬†I also have healthier lunches but I do drink more coffee than when I work at a “brick and mortar” job, that’s @home slang for working in an office building rather than from home. No matter my hours, I get to see my family. ¬†Although, I have an office, they’re not allowed in for obvious reasons, so I go “visit” with them, on breaks and lunches too. That allows me to find out how their days went and stuff. ¬†I also get to eat dinner with them every night. Bonus: Training is always paid.

The downside, I don’t care how much you have worked on a “campaign”, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS, have to train for the position. ¬†I have one I’ve worked every year from the fall through the spring, sometimes (rarely) in the summer, I still have to be trained for it, even though NOTHING changes from year to year. ¬†So training can be boring as hell except when you’re learning the new agent tools. ¬†I’m a “hands on learner”, I’m the one who throws the instructions on the ground, pours a drink and looks at the parts… ¬†To instruct me on what to do, I get a little confused but put it in my hands and I know it forever.

The other part that’s not so great (at first), is the pay… it’s kinda of on the low side for the first campaign (company assignments) or two you work, like when you’re temping. ¬†After you complete those, if you’re on time (yes people are late to work logging into a computer) and have no absences, you have the opportunity to earn more money and advance. My goal is to either become an interviewer, recruiter or trainer. ¬†Maybe even become a Tier 3, which is the support for Tech Support. ¬†If a Tier 2 (me) can’t find an answer, we email a T3, they have more information and know the product even better. They don’t want the agents to become overwhelmed with information, so Tier 2 knows most but Tier3 knows all and they only talk to employees.

I like my co-workers, I’ve actually made a few friends. They’re great support. Management is always pretty cool too. ¬†The only other thing I don’t like is, people in my real life, don’t think I have a job. ¬†People still call or drop by thinking I have time to talk or hang out on their days off. ¬†I have to stay out of sight when it comes to Bubba too because he sees me and gets mad because I can’t play trucks with him or watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. ¬†So I have to “low-crawl” to the bathroom. He misses his kisses and hugs too, truthfully, so do I. But I do appreciate my schedule it allows me to put him down for naps and keep him home a little longer. ¬†I like our lunches together too. ¬†Today we had salmon, string beans and rice. I know this time is fleeting, I’ve raised one and the other is two years away from graduating high school, so I really want to enjoy this time. ¬†Yeah, he has to go to Daycare soon for socialization skills but not yet.

Love and Later Days ūüôā

 

Going to the chapel and we’re going to get married…

So, I’ve been engaged since 2014. We didn’t want to get married while I was pregnant because I didn’t want to walk down the aisle in a maternity wedding dress. ¬†After seeing pictures of me pregnant, that was a great executive decision, I was H-U-G-E. ¬†Then I was breastfeeding (sorry fellas) and any woman who has breastfed knows the kind of hi-jinx that can happen with a white or a light colored fabric… yup an awful version of a wet t-shirt contest. ¬†After that it was money issues.

I really could marry Raleigh in a Church house or outhouse. ¬†I love him to death and just want to be his wife but he wants something a smidge more elegant than an outhouse, which I now understand after seeing it up close. I have a frenemy ¬†who met a guy and married him within a month just so she could beat me the alter. She got married at a courthouse, no shade to anyone who got married that way, my parents did and were married over 40 years until my dad died in 2012 but after witnessing it on FB (I wasn’t invited just got tagged in the post), I wouldn’t want that for me and Raleigh. I want to see Raleigh, Bubba and my step-son in nice suits or tuxes, my daughters and step-daughter in nice tea-length dresses or gowns. ¬†Some nice pictures to remember the occasion and a little wine, accompanied by dancing wouldn’t hurt either.

With 2017 just starting, we want to try for another baby and buy a house, I don’t want to go into the poor house and we’re just getting started. ¬†I don’t want to come back from our honeymoon and have to eat Ramon noodles either. ¬†Which means I’ll be planning on a shoestring budget because I don’t want another New Year to pass and we’re not married. ¬†I’ve been thinking of this cool place called Chapel by the Sea, Raleigh told me about it last year. ¬†He didn’t want secular music played but they have prerecorded music they play at every wedding and it was kind of standing room only, if we choose to do it outdoors, we can take pictures on the beach though, Idk. ¬†We’ll talk some more, hell I haven’t even picked a dress yet, partially because I don’t know what style I want and also because I want to lose about 40lbs, I’m already down 12lbs. ¬†We’ll see and I’ll keep you posted (lucky you).

Love and Later Days

 

Decoding text messages…

I heard this one the other day on the Steve Harvey Show. ¬†I don’t normally watch but I was trying to put Bubba down for his nap, which means I was in the living room channel surfing.

Anywhosal, there was this pretty chic on his show, she was telling Steve that she couldn’t understand what some guy she had been dating meant by the texts he sent. He went from texting everyday, all day to only responding to her text. ¬†They sat there going through the texts, line by line trying to figure out what he may have meant by some of the text. ¬†He would end most of his text with “you’re right beautiful”, “I’m sorry, my queen” and all types of crap like that. ¬†By the end of the segment he was talking about fixing her up with some other dude.

Here’s the problem with the segment, there was nothing to decipher. They apparently went out the night before, she sent him a message saying she had a great time and she was home safely. He texts back, “great, I’ll call you before I go to sleep.” ¬†NO MESSAGES. ¬†She gets up the next morning sends a text, he apologizes and goes about his day. ¬†She says she didn’t receive any messages from him that day or for a few days after. Hello! ¬†That was the message! When a man likes you and he’s interested; he will call, text, send flowers, hell he’ll send smoke signals if need be, to let you know he’s interested. Some folks will say well he could have been busy. ¬†He could have been running late… yup and he could have been kidnapped by Martians and anal probed but if any of those things had happened he still would have made time to send off a text, even if all it said was “hi”,”thinking of you” or “getting probed up the ass, call you when I get back to Earth” because that man wouldn’t want to give you the impression that his lack of attention means he’s ¬†not interested.

More time passes and she sends him another text and says some shit like, “miss hearing from you”, he sends back “Just because he’s not talking to her, doesn’t mean he’s not thinking of her” um yeah, it does… She sends back, “actions speak louder than words”, he says “you’re right beautiful, things have been crazy at work… I just need some time”. ¬†And there it is… Someone who wants to be with you, will make time for you. ¬†Whether it’s a phone call to hear your voice, a spontaneous date or inviting you over for take out. ¬†He’s going to make time. ¬†Now you can sit there and shake your head at me and make excuses all day long for that dude but he wasn’t feeling her or he was deciding between her and someone else. Either way she wasn’t a big priority to him and he did everything but come out and say the words.

Women do this too… how many times have you gone out with a guy and he was nice enough but you weren’t feeling him or you weren’t sure about him? Then something happens: you get a flat tire or sick or just have the day off and he calls. ¬†You tell him you have a flat and your stuck. ¬†He offers to come get you, you say “no, that’s ok”. You’re home sick, dying… he calls and offers to bring you some chicken soup, ginger ale and to throw some cuddles your way, you say “no, I’m…cough, cough, wheeze, cough… good”. You have a day off, he says “Hey, want to go shopping”, you’re like”no, I’m cool. ¬†I don’t need anything”. ¬†Looking into the empty refrigerator. ¬†Even though you need or want all those things, you don’t want him to get the wrong idea, that you’re interested, until you’ve decided whether you want to move forward. So you turn him down, ignore his text and barely answer his texts.

I say all this to say, if someone wants to be with you, you don’t have to decipher anything, they will tell you and tell you often… thoughts?

Love and Later Days.

 

What to write…what to write…

Well now that I’m no longer single, I didn’t know what to write at first. ¬†I knew I still wanted to write about dating and relationships but how. ¬†Then it hit me, I have conversations with my girlfriends and cousins all the time about relationships, so why not with you guys.

Some of you have been rocking with me for years and know I can be heavy handed sometimes but I want this to be a conversation, if possible. Before I publish my next post, I just want you to know, I don’t play that “cyber-bully” crap (Which will actually be a topic eventually), I censor all of my comments, always have and even though I appreciate different point of views, I will not have anyone being disrespectful here. ¬†Not to me or any one who comments on my blog. I’ve done it in the past and will continue to do it to keep this a safe place for discussion. ¬†With that being said, I look forward to hearing from you.

Love and Later Days!

Working out is hard to do…

Since having Bubba*, back in 2015, I AM HUGE! No exaggeration, HUGE. I went from 180lbs, which is big for my 5’4″ frame, to 213lbs (my delivery weight). ¬†I had gestational diabetes which makes you gain a lot of addition, unnecessary weight and can lead to a big baby. Luckily for me, Bubba was only 8lbs. ¬†Not so great news, after my c-section, I only lost 13lbs.

My sister and mother are both obese and I have now joined the club. ¬†I’ve never had trouble losing weight but to be honest, my diet between 22 and 36 years old, was primarily liquid. Coffee all day at work, if I had time, a salad for lunch, I may or may not eat dinner with the kids. ¬†If I didn’t eat dinner with them my dinner would consist of maybe a microwave pizza, a salad, a sandwich or more coffee. ¬†After the kids went to bed I’d sit in front of my computer writing, emailing, or researching things for my book with a low ball by my keyboard filled with either Captain Morgan or Vodka.

That’s why I went to my doctor last month and had a full work up. ¬†I told her, while you’re supposed to treat your body like a temple, I have been using mine as an amusement park. ¬†I drank way to much, stayed up too late at night (for about 10 years I lived off of two hours of sleep a night), barely ate, and at times worked 60 hour weeks. ¬†I was parenting, taking care of two sick parents and trying to make ends meet. ¬†I also wanted to know if there was a chance I could have an autoimmune disease that my mother has, I was told it’s genetic. ¬†I told her that I was worried about my weight gain and hair loss (yup I have been losing my hair since I gave birth). ¬†She put me on Phentermine and took a load of blood from me. ¬†I’m go in for a follow up next month to find out about my lab work and to get weighed.

Phentermine makes you drop the weight for a while but you plateau after a few months. I started taking it about a week and a half ago. ¬†I started it with no exercise to see how much I would lose with just taking the medication. ¬†I lost about 6lbs. ¬†So today, Raleigh and I went to the gym with Bubba. ¬†We worked out for an hour, I’ll be working out every other day from now until about March until I come down to the weight I want to be… here’s the thing, this isn’t about vanity. ¬†Although I’m not happy by how I look, I hate the way I feel more. ¬†I hate that I’m tired everyday, I hate that my ankles and knees hurt. ¬†I hate that I’m out of breath when I climb a flight of stairs. I’ll be 40 in exactly one month, I refuse to go into my 40s like this, over weight, out of breath, and tired. ¬†I have a new baby boy who is chocked full of energy. ¬†He will only get more energized the older he gets.

Raleigh and I are holding each other accountable for our weight loss (he wants to lose 40lbs). Right now, I feel wrecked and tired but in a good way. I plan to lose 20 lbs by the time I go back to see my doctor in January. Wish me luck.

Love and Later Days.

So it’s the day after Christmas…

I was sick and tired of the riot inciting sales, that aren’t actually sales, leading up to Christmas. ¬†It’s the day after Christmas and now my mailbox is full of new emails from retailers screaming about AFTER Christmas sales because they didn’t get all of your money before Christmas, had failed attempts at trying to get the rest of it through the stores that were actually open on Christmas, so now, screw all the debit you stupidly put yourself into for cellphones, toys and crap that will long be forgotten or replaced by a newer model by March, come get more crap.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the one who freaks about Santa being involved with Christmas but I am the one sick and tired of seeing Christmas being treated like it’s not a religious holiday. ¬†What’s supposed to be an observance of our Lord and Savior’s birth is now treated like a going out of business sale. From before Thanksgiving until just about the end of January (which just so happens to be the beginning of tax season, when new sales begin) all we hear are ads about Christmas.

The funniest thing is, I went to Walmart the other day, about 2 days before Christmas, and the Christmas stuff was taken down and Valentine’s shit was up. Seriously???

I guess no one believes “Jesus is the reason for the season” anymore.

Love and Later Days

 

 

The blues before New Year…

Today is Raleigh’s birthday. ¬†I’m kinda sad because I couldn’t get him anything this year… again. ¬†He’s not the type to get excited about his birthday anyway because he had shitty ones in the past, I was just hoping when we got together I’d be able to help change that… unfortunately, I haven’t because we are dealing with one shit storm or another every year near his birthday. ¬†I couldn’t even get him a card this year ūüė¶

When I think of the ungrateful people I’ve bought birthday gifts over the years, who’ve passed through my life, I just want to build a time machine and get all that damn money back or go visit those assholes now and get my swag back.

It doesn’t help that I was teasing him about turning 40 a month before me and he instantly turned sad. ¬†He feels like he hasn’t accomplished anything in the past 40 years, great girlfriend I am right? ¬†Idk what to do to help lift his funk. We’re broke until later in the week, which then we actually become broke adjacent, so we can’t go anywhere. ¬†I would take him for a walk on the beach but there are a lot of tourist here for the holidays and I don’t feel like being sociable, he doesn’t feel like being sociable when he isn’t in a funk, lol. We could drink but there’s the whole money thing again, besides drinking away a funk is my fix not his, lol.

Idk, I’ll figure it out. ¬†If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Love and Later Days!